Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated here. This hiatus was not the self-imposed internet striker like last time. This was just plain old life keeping me away from nearly everything. I'm on the travel cycle again. I overbooked this summer by quite a bit and it's all good stuff, but I'm going to be very tired before it's over. I've very tired now and I've only just scratched the surface. In the last 2.5 weeks I've gone from here to Colorado to CT to Nevada and back. I'm off again on Friday morning to go from here to NM to TX to here to CT to ME and then back six weeks from now. Like I said, I over booked. TT lesson number 1: Learn to say no!
Which you'll be happy to know I have been doing more of lately, which will hopefully make year 2 of this endeavor go better than year 1. I actually feel like I have my feet under me now, which is a good thing, so maybe I can return to regular blogging rather than just regular bitching like you got last year.
There are so many thoughts in my head I don't even know where to start. The last two weeks were really great. This thing in CO was FABULOUS! I even met some knitters, who are scientists. It just doesn't get better than that. There are so many great things I learned and so much I got out of it that isn't truely science. There is a lot of good women in science blog material that may appear later, but mostly I got a new lease on me and my career. That's not to say I've got it all figured out, but I feel like I know what I have to do and how to define my path a little better. A bit of self-discovery came out of it all, and with it a new perspective. Like I said it was FABULOUS.
Then we went to a wedding. A wedding which makes me smile just thinking about it. The love story between these two people is just so romantic that it makes me little girl giddy to just think about it. Hub and I did a little reading during the ceremony and the energy that comes from so many people attending such a happy affair really could carry the world.
Then I went to another conference in Nevada, and while it was not great, it served to put a little more perspective on the path I'm going to try to take with my research and my career, so ultimately that was a good thing.
Hey, would you all look at that, my optimism has returned. Watch out world. I'M BACK!
I can see cleary now
5.05.2009
When I was talking to a friend the other day, she asked about what was going on. We hadn't talked in a while and the last post worried her a little bit. I didn't really have a good response, just that I needed to leave it for a little while. She understood perfectly, as any good friend would and she made the most perfect analogy. She said it was like a carb diet, "you have to go cold turkey for a while, and then you can ease back into it, a peice of toast here, an occasional bagel, but never back all the way to carb heaven". Well it was something like that at least, I'm sure she'll forgive me for paraphrasing. :)
She was right, I had to leave it for a while. The blog and the internet was taking over my life and subsequently I wasn't living my life. I was spending time on facebook and the blog and I was just whining about being here, but not really being here. I had to cut off and get out in the world. And I did, and it wasn't so bad. I feel like I can see things a little clearer now. Partly because I got some new glasses, and partly because I'm can separate the reality from the emotional spiral.
So, things are better. Hub and I are in a better place. I'm not entirely sure if was our change of attitude, just having hit the 6 month mark in a new place, or the elimination of some big stressors (we rented out the old house, we've come up with a plan for his employment, and while he doesn't yet have a salary, he has a position at the University that let's him put out proposals, which is way better than sitting at home, I got another small grant, and while things aren't necessary great in my department, I'm learning to navigate my way around the politics), or if it's just a little bit of all three, but whatever the case, things are better. And I feel like I can start to reintroduce those carbs, a little at a time of course.
So what did you miss in my world. Well, some new stuff like this:
these:
and shortly the single treadle version of this:
She was right, I had to leave it for a while. The blog and the internet was taking over my life and subsequently I wasn't living my life. I was spending time on facebook and the blog and I was just whining about being here, but not really being here. I had to cut off and get out in the world. And I did, and it wasn't so bad. I feel like I can see things a little clearer now. Partly because I got some new glasses, and partly because I'm can separate the reality from the emotional spiral.
So, things are better. Hub and I are in a better place. I'm not entirely sure if was our change of attitude, just having hit the 6 month mark in a new place, or the elimination of some big stressors (we rented out the old house, we've come up with a plan for his employment, and while he doesn't yet have a salary, he has a position at the University that let's him put out proposals, which is way better than sitting at home, I got another small grant, and while things aren't necessary great in my department, I'm learning to navigate my way around the politics), or if it's just a little bit of all three, but whatever the case, things are better. And I feel like I can start to reintroduce those carbs, a little at a time of course.
So what did you miss in my world. Well, some new stuff like this:
these:
and shortly the single treadle version of this:
Good Night Blog!
3.16.2009
I'm sure that you are all familiar with the saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"
Well, I don't have anything nice to say. Or at least is seems that way. I'm trying, really hard, but here, at this moment in my "transplant shock" (thanks fillyjonk, that is a fabulous term for it), I just don't. Nothing nice about the 2 hours at the eye doctor, nothing nice about having to leave the exam not completed, nothing nice about the kickboxing class that can't start on time and runs longer than advertised, nothing nice about the lawn guy that can't call back, nothing nice about well, pretty much anything.
This blog has become a whine-fest, and that's not me, at least it's not usually me, and it's not what I want this blog to be. So, I think I'm not going to say anything at all, for a little while at least. Maybe I'll change my mind, maybe I'll come out of the shock, or maybe I'll find something nice to say.
But for now, the blog is going to settle down for a good long nap.
Just wanted you all to know so you don't start to worry. :)
ETA: Maybe some crafty, if I ever finish anything again.
Well, I don't have anything nice to say. Or at least is seems that way. I'm trying, really hard, but here, at this moment in my "transplant shock" (thanks fillyjonk, that is a fabulous term for it), I just don't. Nothing nice about the 2 hours at the eye doctor, nothing nice about having to leave the exam not completed, nothing nice about the kickboxing class that can't start on time and runs longer than advertised, nothing nice about the lawn guy that can't call back, nothing nice about well, pretty much anything.
This blog has become a whine-fest, and that's not me, at least it's not usually me, and it's not what I want this blog to be. So, I think I'm not going to say anything at all, for a little while at least. Maybe I'll change my mind, maybe I'll come out of the shock, or maybe I'll find something nice to say.
But for now, the blog is going to settle down for a good long nap.
Just wanted you all to know so you don't start to worry. :)
ETA: Maybe some crafty, if I ever finish anything again.
It's the little things
3.10.2009
I think I've had an ah-ha moment.
I started keeping track of the good days and bad days as a way to figure out why I wasn't happy here. I thought it would be enlightening and I thought overall that I'd find that things weren't as bad as I thought they were. I documented the first three weeks and it seemed that my hypothesis was right. More days were good than bad. Weeks 4 and 5 were more of the same. Some really bad stuff, mixed in with some really good stuff. I took a trip home and got knocked out by a major cold somewhere in there so they updates didn't happen, but rest assured, while a 4 hour budget meeting truly sucks, I find joy and satisfaction in starting new collaborations so good > bad.
This discovery, however, has not solved the problem. While I mostly love my job, and can mostly handle the craptacular politics that come with it, I'm still finding myself not overly happy here.
Here's the ah-ha. It's not the job. It's not the tenure track (which I'm starting to think might be worthy of it's own blog). It's not my house, or my stress about finances, or the stress of still owning that other house, or being away from everyone I love, or even my husband's joblessness. I'm sure all of those things contribute to the general blahs, but I've come to terms with them, and rarely think about them these days.
What is it? It's the little things. It's not being able to easily make a Doctor's appointment (we had take two on that today, it didn't go much better), or the pains of finding a new hairstylist, or relearning how to vote, or regularly getting lost, or filing paperwork for health insurance, or learning a new driving style, or walking barefoot in the yard (fireants yikes!), or the million other little things that we do every day without thinking about them...that is until we can't do them, or worse get very strange looks when we do do them. It's the constant low-level anxiety that exists when you are a stranger in a strange land.
It's kind of like traveling. I love to travel. But, no matter how much I love exploring a new place, after 2 weeks in an environment where you don't speak the language and can't read the menus a McDonald's is a really welcome sight. It's not that you hate being where you are, or even enjoy the culture any less, but there is a certain level of anxiety that wears on you, mentally and physically, when you are constantly in an environment where the simple things become difficult, and a glimpse of something safe can take it all away.
But, I didn't move to another country, just another state. There's a McDonald's and Burger King on every corner, and for sure they speak English here.
Last week I went to a Burger King that didn't have any burger's and y'all and yat were not in my version of Webster's, but I hear them quite often.
So there it is. I'm in a foreign country and I don't think I'm going to find a McDonald's anytime soon. I suppose I'll learn the language and culture over time, but right now, I'd kill for some fries. :)
I started keeping track of the good days and bad days as a way to figure out why I wasn't happy here. I thought it would be enlightening and I thought overall that I'd find that things weren't as bad as I thought they were. I documented the first three weeks and it seemed that my hypothesis was right. More days were good than bad. Weeks 4 and 5 were more of the same. Some really bad stuff, mixed in with some really good stuff. I took a trip home and got knocked out by a major cold somewhere in there so they updates didn't happen, but rest assured, while a 4 hour budget meeting truly sucks, I find joy and satisfaction in starting new collaborations so good > bad.
This discovery, however, has not solved the problem. While I mostly love my job, and can mostly handle the craptacular politics that come with it, I'm still finding myself not overly happy here.
Here's the ah-ha. It's not the job. It's not the tenure track (which I'm starting to think might be worthy of it's own blog). It's not my house, or my stress about finances, or the stress of still owning that other house, or being away from everyone I love, or even my husband's joblessness. I'm sure all of those things contribute to the general blahs, but I've come to terms with them, and rarely think about them these days.
What is it? It's the little things. It's not being able to easily make a Doctor's appointment (we had take two on that today, it didn't go much better), or the pains of finding a new hairstylist, or relearning how to vote, or regularly getting lost, or filing paperwork for health insurance, or learning a new driving style, or walking barefoot in the yard (fireants yikes!), or the million other little things that we do every day without thinking about them...that is until we can't do them, or worse get very strange looks when we do do them. It's the constant low-level anxiety that exists when you are a stranger in a strange land.
It's kind of like traveling. I love to travel. But, no matter how much I love exploring a new place, after 2 weeks in an environment where you don't speak the language and can't read the menus a McDonald's is a really welcome sight. It's not that you hate being where you are, or even enjoy the culture any less, but there is a certain level of anxiety that wears on you, mentally and physically, when you are constantly in an environment where the simple things become difficult, and a glimpse of something safe can take it all away.
But, I didn't move to another country, just another state. There's a McDonald's and Burger King on every corner, and for sure they speak English here.
Last week I went to a Burger King that didn't have any burger's and y'all and yat were not in my version of Webster's, but I hear them quite often.
So there it is. I'm in a foreign country and I don't think I'm going to find a McDonald's anytime soon. I suppose I'll learn the language and culture over time, but right now, I'd kill for some fries. :)
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