Friday, September 28, 2007
my 2 cents
We made a sale!!! Well two actually. It's minimal forward progress, they are the least expensive item in the shop, and I listed them with free shipping as an incentive, so really I don't make any profit on them other then building a customer base. The esty listing/showcase bill for this month is $8.12 and the paypal account balance from the sales is $8.14. I'm very happy with my 2 cents!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
A sea of grey
I must be the only nearly 29 year old in the world that wishes I was at least 5 or 6 years older.
I mean shouldn't I be lamenting the loss of my 20's, not wishing them away?
This meeting I'm at was supposed to be for young faculty, early career scientists, particularly post-docs and graduate students. It's about getting funding from NSF, the process, available programs, etc. Since NSF funding seems to be the second half of your union card into the world of being a full fledged scientist and/or professor, I signed up immediately. I was pretty excited, the post-doc thing is well, I talked about that yesterday, so I won't waste the space here. But the opportunity to be with other people in or about my cohort was pretty exciting. Talking about science and the future directions is always stimulating and refreshing, and I though the energy of "younger" people would make it even better. I new that there would be many of the well respected icons of the field here too, but I thought the focus would be on getting the "new blood" involved. So imagine my surprise and frustration to find myself the only one under, let's conservatively say 37. Now, I'm not complaining or anything, I love to listen and learn, that's part of why I do what I do, but it's very difficult to always feel like your outside in the cold knocking on the door. When I finally did work up the courage to take that damn mic and express and opinion I was blatantly ignored. All those old men looked at me like I was an alien. My comments didn't even make it into the plenary session review, even though others came up to me after and said they were good ideas. So it seems good ideas from the "early career" scientists this workshop was supposed to help embrace aren't good enough. That's not making us feel welcome. Yet you can devote entire sessions to the educational needs we should be meeting to "save the future of the field". The future is right here in the room, how about paying attention!
Sorry that was a bit ranty, but it was hard to sit and listen to that today, and to hear them say things like "I see a lot of grey out there, maybe we don't understand the virtual world that students live in today", and in the welcome, "we really want to get the new scientists involved, this has been an old boys club for a long time and it's time to change that". The keynote speaker for crying out loud. One of the main reasons I came her was to get recharged to feel like there was a future for me in this field. I've been thinking a lot about leaving lately. There are about a billion reasons some revolving around my specific work environment right know, and those I know will change as soon as I find a new job. Those pesky problems aside, it's still a hard road, there are alot of obstacles, that seem to grow exponentially when you are a women, and when you are younger than the average PhD out there (I'm no Dougie Howser or anything, but I am the youngest PhD I know) they seem to grow even more. Midway through day three, I almost walked out, leaving that sea of seemingly brilliant but horrifically ignorant grey behind. I have better things to do than be ignored. But I stayed, mainly because I'm half a country away from home and had nowhere else to go, but partly because my love of science will not die and I still have some silly hope that I will discover something new and meaningful and to do that, you some how have to break into the club. So I'll keep trying. I'm kind of stubborn like that.
At least now I know who to submit the proposals to, how to request use of the sites, and navigate the endless pit of paperwork to get my ideas to that panel of my grey haired "peer" reviewers. Maybe they're more receptive when the future isn't standing in front of them looking so damn young and womenlike and instead is some "anonymous" scientist on a piece of paper. Sometimes I think we live in a mad mad world.
I think this post came out more negative then I meant it to be. But this gig really is hard sometimes. The conference wasn't all bad. I did get through to a couple of the scientists here and I had a very exciting conversation with one of the scientists here, one I respect quite a bit and he was very receptive to my ideas, and offered a lot of help and collaboration and told me I should apply for a very competitive post-doc program and offered to sponsor my application, so that's all good...but another post-doc??? That's a musing for another day.
I mean shouldn't I be lamenting the loss of my 20's, not wishing them away?
This meeting I'm at was supposed to be for young faculty, early career scientists, particularly post-docs and graduate students. It's about getting funding from NSF, the process, available programs, etc. Since NSF funding seems to be the second half of your union card into the world of being a full fledged scientist and/or professor, I signed up immediately. I was pretty excited, the post-doc thing is well, I talked about that yesterday, so I won't waste the space here. But the opportunity to be with other people in or about my cohort was pretty exciting. Talking about science and the future directions is always stimulating and refreshing, and I though the energy of "younger" people would make it even better. I new that there would be many of the well respected icons of the field here too, but I thought the focus would be on getting the "new blood" involved. So imagine my surprise and frustration to find myself the only one under, let's conservatively say 37. Now, I'm not complaining or anything, I love to listen and learn, that's part of why I do what I do, but it's very difficult to always feel like your outside in the cold knocking on the door. When I finally did work up the courage to take that damn mic and express and opinion I was blatantly ignored. All those old men looked at me like I was an alien. My comments didn't even make it into the plenary session review, even though others came up to me after and said they were good ideas. So it seems good ideas from the "early career" scientists this workshop was supposed to help embrace aren't good enough. That's not making us feel welcome. Yet you can devote entire sessions to the educational needs we should be meeting to "save the future of the field". The future is right here in the room, how about paying attention!
Sorry that was a bit ranty, but it was hard to sit and listen to that today, and to hear them say things like "I see a lot of grey out there, maybe we don't understand the virtual world that students live in today", and in the welcome, "we really want to get the new scientists involved, this has been an old boys club for a long time and it's time to change that". The keynote speaker for crying out loud. One of the main reasons I came her was to get recharged to feel like there was a future for me in this field. I've been thinking a lot about leaving lately. There are about a billion reasons some revolving around my specific work environment right know, and those I know will change as soon as I find a new job. Those pesky problems aside, it's still a hard road, there are alot of obstacles, that seem to grow exponentially when you are a women, and when you are younger than the average PhD out there (I'm no Dougie Howser or anything, but I am the youngest PhD I know) they seem to grow even more. Midway through day three, I almost walked out, leaving that sea of seemingly brilliant but horrifically ignorant grey behind. I have better things to do than be ignored. But I stayed, mainly because I'm half a country away from home and had nowhere else to go, but partly because my love of science will not die and I still have some silly hope that I will discover something new and meaningful and to do that, you some how have to break into the club. So I'll keep trying. I'm kind of stubborn like that.
At least now I know who to submit the proposals to, how to request use of the sites, and navigate the endless pit of paperwork to get my ideas to that panel of my grey haired "peer" reviewers. Maybe they're more receptive when the future isn't standing in front of them looking so damn young and womenlike and instead is some "anonymous" scientist on a piece of paper. Sometimes I think we live in a mad mad world.
I think this post came out more negative then I meant it to be. But this gig really is hard sometimes. The conference wasn't all bad. I did get through to a couple of the scientists here and I had a very exciting conversation with one of the scientists here, one I respect quite a bit and he was very receptive to my ideas, and offered a lot of help and collaboration and told me I should apply for a very competitive post-doc program and offered to sponsor my application, so that's all good...but another post-doc??? That's a musing for another day.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Keeping in touch
As promised...consistent posting!
So, I'm at a workshop in Boulder, CO. I haven't been here in 5 maybe 6 years, and it turns out I'll be back again for a conference in June, and if we get the funding we are applying for, possibly for another month in July. It's grown a bit from what I remember. Last time I was here I was at another conference on a similar yet not so similar topic, and oddly there are some people at this conference that were at that, it's like two worlds have collided. I went to that other conference twice and made a really great friend, who I really had met previously when she was my host for a grad school visit at a school I didn't attend, long story, but we became fast friends and when we went to this conference we would fly from our respective schools and meet at some connecting airport and talk nonstop for the whole damn week, like we were long lost sisters or something. We both loved to travel and loved the National Parks, we would take a couple of days after the conference and go up to Rocky Mountain National Park and hike and laugh alot. She was fun, we had fun together, when I made my exodus from engineering we lost track of each other. I miss her.
Life is funny like that, I've had some really good friends over the years, and there are several I've lost track of, that I regret losing track of. Most of them I knew from the time that I was getting my MS, and a I was little lost off my path, a period of my life I was happy to leave behind because it was the right thing for me to do both personally and professionally. I just lost track of them, not because I didn't care, not because they didn't care, just because life took us on different paths. I wonder if it was because on some level in my brain they were associated with a time that I wasn't happy with everything in my life so I blocked it out. I don't really know, but I know I miss them, and I regret losing touch, but it feels weird to still call them friends after all this time without contact all this time.
Anyways, being here reminded me of her, so I googled her today. That's the great thing about the internet, and the bad thing I guess, you can track everyone down. It turns out she finished her PhD a year before I did and she is also doing a post-doc, and those are good things, so it's nice to know that she is being successful. It'd be nice to get in touch with her again, because I think friends are important, and she was a good friend. I wonder if I should email her.
It's weird that she's a post-doc too. I've been lamenting the lack of not knowing any other post-docs, it's been a very difficult phase of my career, a rather depressing one at that, and lonely. My grad school friends don't understand it yet, even though they try to. My real life friends also try to understand and are fabulously supportive, same with my family (I'm a very lucky girl in that sense, lot's of people who what to see me happy and that on its own makes me pretty happy), but it's hard for them to fully understand too. I'm living it and I don't totally understand it. My almost-but-not-quite-because-I'm-not-a-professor-yet colleagues apparently have blocked out their post-doc expereinces, or never had them because they are all from a generation where it was possibly to get the job without this bizarre holding tank period. So, I'm feeling kind of alone, it would be nice to talk to someone in the same boat. But that's a selfish reason to email her. But maybe she feels the same way, and she'd like someone to talk to too. Maybe I should just let things be and see if our paths cross again in some other way. Maybe I should stop spending so much time in hotels by myself, it makes me think too much.
So, I'm at a workshop in Boulder, CO. I haven't been here in 5 maybe 6 years, and it turns out I'll be back again for a conference in June, and if we get the funding we are applying for, possibly for another month in July. It's grown a bit from what I remember. Last time I was here I was at another conference on a similar yet not so similar topic, and oddly there are some people at this conference that were at that, it's like two worlds have collided. I went to that other conference twice and made a really great friend, who I really had met previously when she was my host for a grad school visit at a school I didn't attend, long story, but we became fast friends and when we went to this conference we would fly from our respective schools and meet at some connecting airport and talk nonstop for the whole damn week, like we were long lost sisters or something. We both loved to travel and loved the National Parks, we would take a couple of days after the conference and go up to Rocky Mountain National Park and hike and laugh alot. She was fun, we had fun together, when I made my exodus from engineering we lost track of each other. I miss her.
Life is funny like that, I've had some really good friends over the years, and there are several I've lost track of, that I regret losing track of. Most of them I knew from the time that I was getting my MS, and a I was little lost off my path, a period of my life I was happy to leave behind because it was the right thing for me to do both personally and professionally. I just lost track of them, not because I didn't care, not because they didn't care, just because life took us on different paths. I wonder if it was because on some level in my brain they were associated with a time that I wasn't happy with everything in my life so I blocked it out. I don't really know, but I know I miss them, and I regret losing touch, but it feels weird to still call them friends after all this time without contact all this time.
Anyways, being here reminded me of her, so I googled her today. That's the great thing about the internet, and the bad thing I guess, you can track everyone down. It turns out she finished her PhD a year before I did and she is also doing a post-doc, and those are good things, so it's nice to know that she is being successful. It'd be nice to get in touch with her again, because I think friends are important, and she was a good friend. I wonder if I should email her.
It's weird that she's a post-doc too. I've been lamenting the lack of not knowing any other post-docs, it's been a very difficult phase of my career, a rather depressing one at that, and lonely. My grad school friends don't understand it yet, even though they try to. My real life friends also try to understand and are fabulously supportive, same with my family (I'm a very lucky girl in that sense, lot's of people who what to see me happy and that on its own makes me pretty happy), but it's hard for them to fully understand too. I'm living it and I don't totally understand it. My almost-but-not-quite-because-I'm-not-a-professor-yet colleagues apparently have blocked out their post-doc expereinces, or never had them because they are all from a generation where it was possibly to get the job without this bizarre holding tank period. So, I'm feeling kind of alone, it would be nice to talk to someone in the same boat. But that's a selfish reason to email her. But maybe she feels the same way, and she'd like someone to talk to too. Maybe I should just let things be and see if our paths cross again in some other way. Maybe I should stop spending so much time in hotels by myself, it makes me think too much.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Martha Part 2
Well, I should finish the story right....where were we, oh yes, backstage. After we walked off the set they shuffled us back to our seats. Then they started loading people on buses. The red star people got to go first, and this was the bus that Martha and Usher were on. I think those were the people who seemed most likely to spend the money right then and there because they were big kitcheny people and people who were doing lots of remodeling. Then the second bus went, and we were still in the studio, we watched all the other audience members loading up on the monitors. Just when we thought we had been forgotten, we got on the last bus, which only had 10 people on it. Then we waited on the bus for a long long time before we went anywhere. Then we got stuck in the traffic caused by the premeire of Oprah.
When we finally did get to Macy's we had missed the Welcome from the president, which I saw on the show the next day, but we did get a private escort to the bedding and bath floor, where all organized chaos reigned. Martha was there "shopping" with cameras and lights and mics and an entourage following her around. Every Macy's employee on the planet was also there. The producers were lining us up in certain sections that we were "interested" in and feeding us questions to ask Martha if she came over. There was a lot of yelling things like "towels I need 7 people who are interested in towels" and then running to the towels section. It was all a little overwhelming but alot of fun too. To me it was most interesting to see the process in real life and then watch it on TV the next day. Totally different in real life. In the end, they filmed Martha at the checkout and she left. We spent the rest of the day wandering around Macy's trying to decide what to spend the giftcards on. My sister bought a Martha apron to remember the day and I didn't buy anything. I don't need anything for the house. Kitchen wise I'm well stocked from our wedding, and as you probably guessed that stuff doesn't see much use in my life. I love having it, I'm all about having the right tool for the job, and while DH will never understand why we "waste" perfectly good drawer space with a cookie scoop I use maybe once a year, knowing I have it makes me happy. Bedroom wise I have a gorgeous handmade quilt that my mom made, so even though Martha's line is beautiful, it could never match what's there. Bathroom wise...well it's pink and the tiles are falling off the floor, and I bought new towels two weeks before the Martha show. So $250 in Macy's giftcard form is burning a hole in my wallet. Doesn't seem right to spend it frivolously...like on a Coach bag or something...but I don't need any Martha stuff. Right now I'm leaning towards a totally for fun purchase, but the practical side of me just can't seem to actually do it. Oh well, it's a good thing those things don't expire. After Macy's we did make a trip to School Products, where I did splurge on a little cashmere...if only Macy's sold yarn I would have been all good, a crafty purchase Martha would have approved of. :)
So there it is, the Martha story. We had a blast and it was so great to spend the time with my sister, she's cool and fun.
In other news, I'm out of town again. I haven't sleep home on a Sunday since Labor day and I have to tell you that's getting old, but the forced alone in the hotel time will probably mean a lot of posts this week. Just ones without pictures because I didn't bring the cord for the camera with me. I also forgot socks, but that's another matter.
When we finally did get to Macy's we had missed the Welcome from the president, which I saw on the show the next day, but we did get a private escort to the bedding and bath floor, where all organized chaos reigned. Martha was there "shopping" with cameras and lights and mics and an entourage following her around. Every Macy's employee on the planet was also there. The producers were lining us up in certain sections that we were "interested" in and feeding us questions to ask Martha if she came over. There was a lot of yelling things like "towels I need 7 people who are interested in towels" and then running to the towels section. It was all a little overwhelming but alot of fun too. To me it was most interesting to see the process in real life and then watch it on TV the next day. Totally different in real life. In the end, they filmed Martha at the checkout and she left. We spent the rest of the day wandering around Macy's trying to decide what to spend the giftcards on. My sister bought a Martha apron to remember the day and I didn't buy anything. I don't need anything for the house. Kitchen wise I'm well stocked from our wedding, and as you probably guessed that stuff doesn't see much use in my life. I love having it, I'm all about having the right tool for the job, and while DH will never understand why we "waste" perfectly good drawer space with a cookie scoop I use maybe once a year, knowing I have it makes me happy. Bedroom wise I have a gorgeous handmade quilt that my mom made, so even though Martha's line is beautiful, it could never match what's there. Bathroom wise...well it's pink and the tiles are falling off the floor, and I bought new towels two weeks before the Martha show. So $250 in Macy's giftcard form is burning a hole in my wallet. Doesn't seem right to spend it frivolously...like on a Coach bag or something...but I don't need any Martha stuff. Right now I'm leaning towards a totally for fun purchase, but the practical side of me just can't seem to actually do it. Oh well, it's a good thing those things don't expire. After Macy's we did make a trip to School Products, where I did splurge on a little cashmere...if only Macy's sold yarn I would have been all good, a crafty purchase Martha would have approved of. :)
So there it is, the Martha story. We had a blast and it was so great to spend the time with my sister, she's cool and fun.
In other news, I'm out of town again. I haven't sleep home on a Sunday since Labor day and I have to tell you that's getting old, but the forced alone in the hotel time will probably mean a lot of posts this week. Just ones without pictures because I didn't bring the cord for the camera with me. I also forgot socks, but that's another matter.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Domestic Diva
"the only thing domestic about me is that I live in a house"
There is this cute green vw bug that parks in my parking lot everyday with that quote on a bumper sticker. It TOTALLY applies to me, and DH reminds me of it everytime I try to do something domestic. Those of you who know me know it's true. I bake once a year with my mom and my sister at Christmas time, and for the occasional cookie craving premade dough is the way to go. So this may surprise you:
yup that's me, standing behind the queen of domesticity: Martha Stewart.
My sister, the domestic goddess of our family, loves Martha Stewart. When I say loves I mean worships. So a month or so ago when it was announced that you could apply for tickets for the new season, we signed up. You submit your name and week that tickets are available for and then if you're picked you get tickets to the show for whatever day they decide. A week later, we got an email saying we had tickets. FOR THE SEASON PREMIERE. (I put that in caps because that was the way sister told everyone, with much emphasis on the premiere part). I'm not a kitcheny person, but I am a crafter and I have been known to watch the show, so I was pretty excited too.
The email had all these instructions and questions and was just a little odd. Saying things about being longer than a regular taping because they film promotional segments, bring flats because you'll be standing and walking alot. It was all a bit vague and a little fishy. Then a week before the show, a producer called my house to ask all these questions again, are you a baker, a chef, a crafter, are you remodeling, a new home owner, getting married....and can you send us pictures of yourself. Fishier, but we complied.
Then the commercial aired: "don't miss the season premiere of Martha with special guest Usher and see our studio audience get a surprise that will change the way they live". Seriously, "change the way they live".
So I got a little more excited and we embarked on our adventure. We stayed ~30 minutes outside of the city since we needed to be there super early in the am and thought it would be better to drive in the night before. Got to the studio 45 minutes early and waited outside for a bit. Then we checked in and they handed us our tickets. Most people were getting tickets numbered in order. We got ones with a purple stripe on them, and it was clear that we had somehow been preselected for something (we suspected it was based on our pictures), but we couldn't tell what (there were green stripe people too and then people getting interviewed about their love of kitchen gadgets or their remodeling got red stars..most everyone was classed in one way or another) We were seated with all the other purple stripe people. On the side of the studio far from were Martha ever was, over by the craft room and the whole episode took place in the kitchen. (honestly I was starting to think they had decided we were too ugly to be caught on camera). Then the big surprise. We were all going to Macy's to shop with Martha and we were each getting a $250 gift card to do so! She has a new line of kitchen, bed and bath things there. Suddenly the need for flats made sense. Then cut to commercial and next thing I know, they are lining up us purple stripes to be in the final scene, walking out of the studio with Martha and Usher to go to Macy's. So there we are, standing next to Martha and Usher. When my sister realized that Martha was two feet away she went into shell shock. Then Usher started talking to her (my sister, not Martha) and I thought she was going to pass out. He saw that she was pregnant, got all excited, asked her about the baby, how far along was she, told us his wife was pregnant too. His whole face lit up, it was so cute, if all fathers were that excited about their children to be the world would be a better place. Then we filmed, and walked off the set with Martha, backstage and everything! Not all the way to Macy's though, that's a whole other story and this post is probably long enough :)
There is this cute green vw bug that parks in my parking lot everyday with that quote on a bumper sticker. It TOTALLY applies to me, and DH reminds me of it everytime I try to do something domestic. Those of you who know me know it's true. I bake once a year with my mom and my sister at Christmas time, and for the occasional cookie craving premade dough is the way to go. So this may surprise you:
yup that's me, standing behind the queen of domesticity: Martha Stewart.
My sister, the domestic goddess of our family, loves Martha Stewart. When I say loves I mean worships. So a month or so ago when it was announced that you could apply for tickets for the new season, we signed up. You submit your name and week that tickets are available for and then if you're picked you get tickets to the show for whatever day they decide. A week later, we got an email saying we had tickets. FOR THE SEASON PREMIERE. (I put that in caps because that was the way sister told everyone, with much emphasis on the premiere part). I'm not a kitcheny person, but I am a crafter and I have been known to watch the show, so I was pretty excited too.
The email had all these instructions and questions and was just a little odd. Saying things about being longer than a regular taping because they film promotional segments, bring flats because you'll be standing and walking alot. It was all a bit vague and a little fishy. Then a week before the show, a producer called my house to ask all these questions again, are you a baker, a chef, a crafter, are you remodeling, a new home owner, getting married....and can you send us pictures of yourself. Fishier, but we complied.
Then the commercial aired: "don't miss the season premiere of Martha with special guest Usher and see our studio audience get a surprise that will change the way they live". Seriously, "change the way they live".
So I got a little more excited and we embarked on our adventure. We stayed ~30 minutes outside of the city since we needed to be there super early in the am and thought it would be better to drive in the night before. Got to the studio 45 minutes early and waited outside for a bit. Then we checked in and they handed us our tickets. Most people were getting tickets numbered in order. We got ones with a purple stripe on them, and it was clear that we had somehow been preselected for something (we suspected it was based on our pictures), but we couldn't tell what (there were green stripe people too and then people getting interviewed about their love of kitchen gadgets or their remodeling got red stars..most everyone was classed in one way or another) We were seated with all the other purple stripe people. On the side of the studio far from were Martha ever was, over by the craft room and the whole episode took place in the kitchen. (honestly I was starting to think they had decided we were too ugly to be caught on camera). Then the big surprise. We were all going to Macy's to shop with Martha and we were each getting a $250 gift card to do so! She has a new line of kitchen, bed and bath things there. Suddenly the need for flats made sense. Then cut to commercial and next thing I know, they are lining up us purple stripes to be in the final scene, walking out of the studio with Martha and Usher to go to Macy's. So there we are, standing next to Martha and Usher. When my sister realized that Martha was two feet away she went into shell shock. Then Usher started talking to her (my sister, not Martha) and I thought she was going to pass out. He saw that she was pregnant, got all excited, asked her about the baby, how far along was she, told us his wife was pregnant too. His whole face lit up, it was so cute, if all fathers were that excited about their children to be the world would be a better place. Then we filmed, and walked off the set with Martha, backstage and everything! Not all the way to Macy's though, that's a whole other story and this post is probably long enough :)
Thursday, September 6, 2007
etsy...for real this time
Ok, so I have a real etsy shop this time. Listing things has renewed my interest in jewelry making, there's some new stuff too. Here it is
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