Sunday, December 16, 2007
Snow. Baby. Snow.
That pretty much sums up my week. Two snowstorms and one perfect little nephew to spoil like mad. 
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
One of those weeks
I had a whole post planned. A trademark, funny, insightful, a tad controversial, totally random, but oddly relevant post all planned. (I think all of my posts are all of those things in my head, but I most likely miss the mark all the time). But, the best laid plans.
Hub and I had a really great and interesting conversation about my planned blog topic and I must have gotten it all out of my system, because I didn't feel like typing it all out. It was about kids, the choice to have them and why people make that choice or not. Well it's still marinating on some level so maybe you'll get to hear all my thoughts another day.
So I figured I should pop in and say hi, and give the final november update. The sunrise circle jacket is great. I love it and never want to take it off. I like that I eliminated the buttons, it makes a sleek look but still think that it needs some way of closing all the way around. I'm planning to add snaps. I am not claiming originality for this idea, I'm just too lazy to search the blog-o-sphere to see where I read it.
The paper. Is. Not. Done. :(
I'm chugging the last day of data as I type. Last week's computer woes gobbled up a lot more time than one would think. I spent MANY hours searching for a reliable, viable backup solution and in general adding some organization to my computing life. The use of at least 3 different computers on any given day was adding some unnecessary chaos to life, which has been streamlined after all that time spent. I know that sounds like an excuse, and on some level it is, but sometimes deadlines have to be flexible for when real life gets in the way. Go congratulate Renee though. She rocked her November goals.
On the upside, two other papers went in for submission last week. I'm second author on both, which means I'm an "et al." in the academic world. This is my first time not publishing as first author, and I have now discovered is a lot more work than we give those et al's credit for. At this stage of my career, however, every single bullet I can add to the CV is a nugget of gold, so I won't be complaining too much.
So there you have it. The state of my life today.
Hub and I had a really great and interesting conversation about my planned blog topic and I must have gotten it all out of my system, because I didn't feel like typing it all out. It was about kids, the choice to have them and why people make that choice or not. Well it's still marinating on some level so maybe you'll get to hear all my thoughts another day.
So I figured I should pop in and say hi, and give the final november update. The sunrise circle jacket is great. I love it and never want to take it off. I like that I eliminated the buttons, it makes a sleek look but still think that it needs some way of closing all the way around. I'm planning to add snaps. I am not claiming originality for this idea, I'm just too lazy to search the blog-o-sphere to see where I read it.
The paper. Is. Not. Done. :(
I'm chugging the last day of data as I type. Last week's computer woes gobbled up a lot more time than one would think. I spent MANY hours searching for a reliable, viable backup solution and in general adding some organization to my computing life. The use of at least 3 different computers on any given day was adding some unnecessary chaos to life, which has been streamlined after all that time spent. I know that sounds like an excuse, and on some level it is, but sometimes deadlines have to be flexible for when real life gets in the way. Go congratulate Renee though. She rocked her November goals.
On the upside, two other papers went in for submission last week. I'm second author on both, which means I'm an "et al." in the academic world. This is my first time not publishing as first author, and I have now discovered is a lot more work than we give those et al's credit for. At this stage of my career, however, every single bullet I can add to the CV is a nugget of gold, so I won't be complaining too much.
So there you have it. The state of my life today.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
It's a block party!
I know, I have been AWAL for a little while. I have not be delingintly posting progress on my November goals like some people. I'm going to blame it on the interview. It sucked up 3 days last week, plus the time to prepare and then the time to recover. I had planned to catch up on my internet life in the evenings while I was there. In my past experience interviews of this nature are an exhausting experience and planning to do brain work in the evenings is a bad bad bad idea. It is, however, the perfect time to sit in front of a TV and catch up on blogging, blog reading and emails to all the friends that you want to write real emails to (not the "hey how are you I'm great life's busy hope to see you soon" kind). A grand master plan foiled by staying in a 1960's era home with GASP! NO INTERNET!
The interview:
I think it went well. My talk seemed to be well received and the people were nice. I don't think that it's the job for me though. I'm not ready to activate plan B quite yet. The house was the highlight. This was the first time I have seen teal and avocado paisley print wallpaper complete with matching curtains. The place was a hoot.
The paper:
I am half way through the data analysis. This is a bit behind where I wanted to be. I have been slowed by a couple of factors. First, the interview. Second, %#&@ing Windows. I had a very bad day yesterday. It seems that an 80 gig hard-drive shouldn't really ever hold 80 gigs unless they are stored under multiple windows profiles or some other BS like that. I came into the office yesterday morning all prepared to be in an environment where I could get a lot of work done. Total paper focus. Turns out I had a corrupt windows profile, which took ~5 hours for the IT guy to kindof fix. None of the data is lost, it's just in the wrong place. I'm an anal backup person, so I'm not worried about anything that might be lost. It's just that I really need the damn computer to function. Multiple phone calls and 2 hours or so with the IT guy did not jive well with total paper focus, so very little got done.
Random rant:
Am I getting old, or are those IT guys getting young? I mean seriously, when this kid, who looked like he was about 12 and had some kind of metal bar sticking out through his eyebrow, started telling me that I shouldn't have 30 gigs of data stored on this computer because blah blah blah, I almost blew a gasket. Where exactly would you like me to store the data? This is the computer it's analyzed on, therefore it needs to be on this computer, would you like to come rewrite the 70,000 or so lines of Pascal code that collects this data to see if you can compress it in some way the 4 or 5 other computer experts that wrote the code were somehow unable to figure out. Don't tell me that my desktop shouldn't have any files on it, "it's just like a messy desk you can't get any work done". Here's a hint, you don't like messy, comb your hair! Man it's a good thing I keep that internal monologue internal I might have made this kid cry. I'm getting old. No doubt about it.
The knitting:
The sweater is done and blocking. I pretty much had the exact same experience as the yarn harlot last night. Lot's of seaming, but I was too lazy to rip back the inch I should have on the arms so it's just going to stay that way. I even watched last weeks bionic women on the web, it's weird to read an almost exact count of your own evening written by a famous person. (I didn't have wine and had some dinner with friends)
The fit is good, and the moving mud closure Mom bought for me at Rhinebeck is the perfect color. I'll try to post pictures from Thanksgiving so you can get the full effect. This sweater is a brilliant pattern to knit. Kate Gilbert is truly genius. Many have said this before so I won't expound further than that. The yarn is Primo by Filatura Di Crosa. I bought it at Webs summer sale in June. I have 6 balls leftover, I don't know what to do with it. It's nice to work with, except it's one of those yarns that the ends don't really stay under after they are woven in. It comes in small balls so there are alot of ends. I LOVE the color. This is my best "for me" knit yet.
Since I had to drag the blocking board out, I finally got around to blocking the pea pod sweater that I knit over the summer as well. It's a Kate Gilbert Block party right here in my living room:
The interview:
I think it went well. My talk seemed to be well received and the people were nice. I don't think that it's the job for me though. I'm not ready to activate plan B quite yet. The house was the highlight. This was the first time I have seen teal and avocado paisley print wallpaper complete with matching curtains. The place was a hoot.
The paper:
I am half way through the data analysis. This is a bit behind where I wanted to be. I have been slowed by a couple of factors. First, the interview. Second, %#&@ing Windows. I had a very bad day yesterday. It seems that an 80 gig hard-drive shouldn't really ever hold 80 gigs unless they are stored under multiple windows profiles or some other BS like that. I came into the office yesterday morning all prepared to be in an environment where I could get a lot of work done. Total paper focus. Turns out I had a corrupt windows profile, which took ~5 hours for the IT guy to kindof fix. None of the data is lost, it's just in the wrong place. I'm an anal backup person, so I'm not worried about anything that might be lost. It's just that I really need the damn computer to function. Multiple phone calls and 2 hours or so with the IT guy did not jive well with total paper focus, so very little got done.
Random rant:
Am I getting old, or are those IT guys getting young? I mean seriously, when this kid, who looked like he was about 12 and had some kind of metal bar sticking out through his eyebrow, started telling me that I shouldn't have 30 gigs of data stored on this computer because blah blah blah, I almost blew a gasket. Where exactly would you like me to store the data? This is the computer it's analyzed on, therefore it needs to be on this computer, would you like to come rewrite the 70,000 or so lines of Pascal code that collects this data to see if you can compress it in some way the 4 or 5 other computer experts that wrote the code were somehow unable to figure out. Don't tell me that my desktop shouldn't have any files on it, "it's just like a messy desk you can't get any work done". Here's a hint, you don't like messy, comb your hair! Man it's a good thing I keep that internal monologue internal I might have made this kid cry. I'm getting old. No doubt about it.
The knitting:
The sweater is done and blocking. I pretty much had the exact same experience as the yarn harlot last night. Lot's of seaming, but I was too lazy to rip back the inch I should have on the arms so it's just going to stay that way. I even watched last weeks bionic women on the web, it's weird to read an almost exact count of your own evening written by a famous person. (I didn't have wine and had some dinner with friends)
The fit is good, and the moving mud closure Mom bought for me at Rhinebeck is the perfect color. I'll try to post pictures from Thanksgiving so you can get the full effect. This sweater is a brilliant pattern to knit. Kate Gilbert is truly genius. Many have said this before so I won't expound further than that. The yarn is Primo by Filatura Di Crosa. I bought it at Webs summer sale in June. I have 6 balls leftover, I don't know what to do with it. It's nice to work with, except it's one of those yarns that the ends don't really stay under after they are woven in. It comes in small balls so there are alot of ends. I LOVE the color. This is my best "for me" knit yet.
Since I had to drag the blocking board out, I finally got around to blocking the pea pod sweater that I knit over the summer as well. It's a Kate Gilbert Block party right here in my living room:
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
funny story
So, I finally got up the courage to admit defeat and tell you all how crappy the phone interview was, and my good mental attitude about it and blah blah...
Next day, phone rings, "we'd like to invite you to campus for the next phase of interviewing".
Ha, funny, right?
Next day, phone rings, "we'd like to invite you to campus for the next phase of interviewing".
Ha, funny, right?
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
We interupt this blog for a PSA
Go Vote.
I know what you are saying: Vote? It's election day? We're supposed to vote? For what?
Yes, it's election day. Those little flags on people's lawns with other people's names on them are campaign signs for local positions. It varies by town, state, county, etc., exactly what you are voting for, but you should vote. It is what makes America America. Election days like these are often neglected, but in my opinion they are some of the most important. These are the people who make the decisions that actually affect your lives. They control your local taxes, your schools, your roads, your water, your trash, whether or not a Walgreen's will be built in your backyard, whether or not you're allowed to have a backyard, etc.
These elections matter.
And...go find out about the candidates. Don't just vote the party line. Party lines can be fuzzy at this level, especially in smaller communities. I know this from actual experience, as my own father is an elected Republican official. A true oddity in my very Democratic world.
Personally, we have to vote for town board of directors and the board of education. I have a nice list of candidates, from both parties, that I think make up the board of directors and the board of education I'd be happy with. No, I don't have any children in the schools, and I most likely never will. The school in my town will most likely not impact my life directly in anyway...other than the fact that the education of the next generation will change the face of the future of the entire planet. So yea, I care enough to go vote.
Plus if you live in my state you get to use the fancy new machines this time.
We will now return to our regularly scheduled blogging.
I know what you are saying: Vote? It's election day? We're supposed to vote? For what?
Yes, it's election day. Those little flags on people's lawns with other people's names on them are campaign signs for local positions. It varies by town, state, county, etc., exactly what you are voting for, but you should vote. It is what makes America America. Election days like these are often neglected, but in my opinion they are some of the most important. These are the people who make the decisions that actually affect your lives. They control your local taxes, your schools, your roads, your water, your trash, whether or not a Walgreen's will be built in your backyard, whether or not you're allowed to have a backyard, etc.
These elections matter.
And...go find out about the candidates. Don't just vote the party line. Party lines can be fuzzy at this level, especially in smaller communities. I know this from actual experience, as my own father is an elected Republican official. A true oddity in my very Democratic world.
Personally, we have to vote for town board of directors and the board of education. I have a nice list of candidates, from both parties, that I think make up the board of directors and the board of education I'd be happy with. No, I don't have any children in the schools, and I most likely never will. The school in my town will most likely not impact my life directly in anyway...other than the fact that the education of the next generation will change the face of the future of the entire planet. So yea, I care enough to go vote.
Plus if you live in my state you get to use the fancy new machines this time.
We will now return to our regularly scheduled blogging.
Monday, November 5, 2007
I'm knitting a blanket!
So we talked about the startitis last time, so I thought I'd fess up a little bit about all the projects that have jumped on the needles as of late. This is part two of my "I'm knitting" series. I don't know how many parts there will be.
So as you know, my sister is having a baby. A baby boy. There was a flourish of baby knitting when the news was announced, which then tapered some in the last two months. I knit a blanket, a hat and two sweaters. Well, the week before last I stayed home on a Friday because I had a phone interview. (Yes, I'm sneaking important life progress in with knitting content). This was a preliminary interview for a small school and it's mostly a teaching position. Not my number one job choice, I'd prefer a 50/50, and this is more like a 80/20. But there are days when just teaching seems like a dream. I like to teach, I think I'm fairly good at it, it's always there to do, and you are not at the whims of granting agencies/political funding climates, etc. So it's an academic position, a small department, fairly close to home, a step forward. Last year I focused my search to more traditional jobs only, but this year, upon much reflection, I'm applying to a lot of things, expanding my options one might say. Plan B we call it around here. (Plan C is returning to engineering and pretending that the last 6, no 7 years of academic pursuits were just for fun, it hasn't been activated yet). Anyways, this interview was a first cut. 10 phone interviews, then they will select 3 candidates for on campus interviews. So, my office has become work study central and not really a cohesive environment for a nerve racking phone interview. It's two Friday's ago and I'm home and the phone rings (15 minutes late).
I could recap the rather amusing interview story here (complete with wrong numbers and wrong names, and odd interplay among the three interviewers), but let's just abbreviate it and say I sucked. In retrospect, I probably did ok, but there were some big gaps and some questions I just wasn't prepared to answer. Questions I'm not sure I could have been prepared to answer, so therefore questions non of the other candidates could really have been prepared to answer either, so I've upgraded my complete disaster to average. I'm ok with the whole thing, it just wasn't the job for me. But, hanging up the phone l had a severe case of the blah's. All those fears came rushing in (the ones where I have to activate Plan C, or that we end up homeless on the streets or something), and I just had the blahs. That's the thing about the "post-doc", I know that I could be successful, I just need to find the job, and it seems that finding the job is 50% how good you are and 50% how lucky you are and well...I've never really been all that lucky, so that unsettled state of being is just so....well...unsettling.
So I'm home, it's a friday afternoon and I have the blah's. I didn't want to knit anything engrossing, I was just going to sit and knit a few rows to shake it off and then get back to work. But what could I knit? Without any real plan I picked up some big needles and some yarn from my stash and cast on, one stitch. Then I hit Ravelry, which brought me here and which led to here then I ended up here, and then I ended up with a square, and then another cast on, and then the phone rang again and I spent several hours talking to my best friend, who is also in an unsettled life situation, and then oops it was Friday night and time for dinner with friends.
It's much prettier than blogger let's the picture show. [flicker link here] The pattern is oddly addicting, and I'm completely compelled to cast on that one stitch as soon as I bind off the one at the other corner. I am now completely sympathetic to the mitered square a thon. Although I will not knit that many squares because I only had four balls of this blue in my stash, enough to make four 10x10 inch squares and four 5x5 inch squares. I decided to make a blanket for the baby out of it. The plan now is for four of the squares to be the center and then a border in a lighter shade of blue.
So, there you have it. I'm knitting a blanket. For those of you who are upset that I have not posted my November progress as diligently as some., Here you go:
The left front of the sunrise circle is done. I'm well on track for Thanksgiving wear.
I have completely analyzed one of the five nights of data that form the basis for the paper I'm writing, so we're cruising along there too. :)
So as you know, my sister is having a baby. A baby boy. There was a flourish of baby knitting when the news was announced, which then tapered some in the last two months. I knit a blanket, a hat and two sweaters. Well, the week before last I stayed home on a Friday because I had a phone interview. (Yes, I'm sneaking important life progress in with knitting content). This was a preliminary interview for a small school and it's mostly a teaching position. Not my number one job choice, I'd prefer a 50/50, and this is more like a 80/20. But there are days when just teaching seems like a dream. I like to teach, I think I'm fairly good at it, it's always there to do, and you are not at the whims of granting agencies/political funding climates, etc. So it's an academic position, a small department, fairly close to home, a step forward. Last year I focused my search to more traditional jobs only, but this year, upon much reflection, I'm applying to a lot of things, expanding my options one might say. Plan B we call it around here. (Plan C is returning to engineering and pretending that the last 6, no 7 years of academic pursuits were just for fun, it hasn't been activated yet). Anyways, this interview was a first cut. 10 phone interviews, then they will select 3 candidates for on campus interviews. So, my office has become work study central and not really a cohesive environment for a nerve racking phone interview. It's two Friday's ago and I'm home and the phone rings (15 minutes late).
I could recap the rather amusing interview story here (complete with wrong numbers and wrong names, and odd interplay among the three interviewers), but let's just abbreviate it and say I sucked. In retrospect, I probably did ok, but there were some big gaps and some questions I just wasn't prepared to answer. Questions I'm not sure I could have been prepared to answer, so therefore questions non of the other candidates could really have been prepared to answer either, so I've upgraded my complete disaster to average. I'm ok with the whole thing, it just wasn't the job for me. But, hanging up the phone l had a severe case of the blah's. All those fears came rushing in (the ones where I have to activate Plan C, or that we end up homeless on the streets or something), and I just had the blahs. That's the thing about the "post-doc", I know that I could be successful, I just need to find the job, and it seems that finding the job is 50% how good you are and 50% how lucky you are and well...I've never really been all that lucky, so that unsettled state of being is just so....well...unsettling.
So I'm home, it's a friday afternoon and I have the blah's. I didn't want to knit anything engrossing, I was just going to sit and knit a few rows to shake it off and then get back to work. But what could I knit? Without any real plan I picked up some big needles and some yarn from my stash and cast on, one stitch. Then I hit Ravelry, which brought me here and which led to here then I ended up here, and then I ended up with a square, and then another cast on, and then the phone rang again and I spent several hours talking to my best friend, who is also in an unsettled life situation, and then oops it was Friday night and time for dinner with friends.
It's much prettier than blogger let's the picture show. [flicker link here] The pattern is oddly addicting, and I'm completely compelled to cast on that one stitch as soon as I bind off the one at the other corner. I am now completely sympathetic to the mitered square a thon. Although I will not knit that many squares because I only had four balls of this blue in my stash, enough to make four 10x10 inch squares and four 5x5 inch squares. I decided to make a blanket for the baby out of it. The plan now is for four of the squares to be the center and then a border in a lighter shade of blue.
So, there you have it. I'm knitting a blanket. For those of you who are upset that I have not posted my November progress as diligently as some., Here you go:
The left front of the sunrise circle is done. I'm well on track for Thanksgiving wear.
I have completely analyzed one of the five nights of data that form the basis for the paper I'm writing, so we're cruising along there too. :)
Thursday, November 1, 2007
I'm knitting a shawl!
And a sweater. And a scarf. And a blanket. And oh yea, let' not forget those three pairs of socks. What a shawl? a scarf? a blanket? You say? Those weren't on the list of things to finish before starting something new. Yes, I'm coming clean. I had a bit of startitis last week. What was the cause you may ask? After all, I was doing so well, finish a sweater, finish a sock. The cause, was the downfall of knitters and fiber heads everywhere. RHINEBECK.
I had a fabulous time at Rhinebeck, this was my first time and now I know what all the fuss is about. Oh boy, is it worth the fuss. Yarn, beads, yarn. It was like craft heaven. My purchases were pretty restrained, a couple of skeins of socks that rock, (I'm a STR virgin so I'm pretty excited about that), some good basic worsted weight wool at a price I couldn't resist (enough to make a sweater for hub and enough to make a sweater for me), and two skeins of sock yarn from Oak Grove Studio, and the pattern to make a scarf they had on display and I just fell in love with.
But, the real fabulousness of Rhinebeck was spending time with my mom. We went just me an her it was really nice. My mom and I haven't spent alot of time just me and her in a while, not really sisnce we made my wedding dress together, which was a whole three years ago now. It's not that we don't spend time together, it's just been all family time, and it was nice. We talked alot and had a great time.
But ironically, I haven't starting knitting on any of the Rhinebeck projects. While we were there, we were admiring a lot of shawls and mom expressed interest in having one. I have been thinking about knitting one, but I don't think I'm an elegant enough lady to wear a shawl. But, mom, she's classy and quite elegant, a totally shawl like gal. So I kind of became a little obsessed with the shawl thing. We didn't find the right yarn/pattern combo while we were there, but we did see one that she liked. So I did some digging, and the yarn was $85 a skein! Mom, don't have a heart attack, while you are worth it, my lace knitting skills are worthy of that fancy yarn quite yet. Then I came across a new pattern from the same designer, available in a preorder kit for a reasonable price and it's beautiful. So I "preordered" it, without really paying attention to when it would arrive. In my head it was a far off time. Like last Monday when it was on my porch. But I'm so excited about this project I had to cast on. So why, am I telling you this, knowing that mom is a regular reader and the surprise is spoiled. Well a couple of reasons. 1) I'm really excited about the project and can't keep it in. 2) Mom already know that I'm not doing Christmas knitting this year and since her b-day is xmas eve, that means no birthday knitting either. 3) This is a long term project, we'll all have forgotten it, remembered it, and forgotten it again by the time it's done. 4) My mom is cool and deserves a shawl and some non event based knitting.
So there you go, I'm knitting a shawl.
In other worlds, if you are a blog reader of any kind, you must be aware that we all have decided that november is the month to get things done. Renee is participating in an altered (read normal persons) version of the novel writing thing. Many knitters are knitting a sweater. And many bloggers are committing to blogging every day this month. Well, I've never been much of a joiner, and I have no illusions of my own abilities. My secret desires to write a novel are definitely not planning to manifest anytime soon (I'm reserving that for my mid-life crisis), I cannot knit fast enough to knit an entire sweater in a month, and my life is definitely not interesting enough to blog about something everyday. So I've decided to put my own November goals at reachable, feel good levels. One personal and one professional:
I will finish my sunrise circle jacket by Thanksgiving
I will write and submit a single journal article by the end of the month.
I had a fabulous time at Rhinebeck, this was my first time and now I know what all the fuss is about. Oh boy, is it worth the fuss. Yarn, beads, yarn. It was like craft heaven. My purchases were pretty restrained, a couple of skeins of socks that rock, (I'm a STR virgin so I'm pretty excited about that), some good basic worsted weight wool at a price I couldn't resist (enough to make a sweater for hub and enough to make a sweater for me), and two skeins of sock yarn from Oak Grove Studio, and the pattern to make a scarf they had on display and I just fell in love with.
But, the real fabulousness of Rhinebeck was spending time with my mom. We went just me an her it was really nice. My mom and I haven't spent alot of time just me and her in a while, not really sisnce we made my wedding dress together, which was a whole three years ago now. It's not that we don't spend time together, it's just been all family time, and it was nice. We talked alot and had a great time.
But ironically, I haven't starting knitting on any of the Rhinebeck projects. While we were there, we were admiring a lot of shawls and mom expressed interest in having one. I have been thinking about knitting one, but I don't think I'm an elegant enough lady to wear a shawl. But, mom, she's classy and quite elegant, a totally shawl like gal. So I kind of became a little obsessed with the shawl thing. We didn't find the right yarn/pattern combo while we were there, but we did see one that she liked. So I did some digging, and the yarn was $85 a skein! Mom, don't have a heart attack, while you are worth it, my lace knitting skills are worthy of that fancy yarn quite yet. Then I came across a new pattern from the same designer, available in a preorder kit for a reasonable price and it's beautiful. So I "preordered" it, without really paying attention to when it would arrive. In my head it was a far off time. Like last Monday when it was on my porch. But I'm so excited about this project I had to cast on. So why, am I telling you this, knowing that mom is a regular reader and the surprise is spoiled. Well a couple of reasons. 1) I'm really excited about the project and can't keep it in. 2) Mom already know that I'm not doing Christmas knitting this year and since her b-day is xmas eve, that means no birthday knitting either. 3) This is a long term project, we'll all have forgotten it, remembered it, and forgotten it again by the time it's done. 4) My mom is cool and deserves a shawl and some non event based knitting.
So there you go, I'm knitting a shawl.
In other worlds, if you are a blog reader of any kind, you must be aware that we all have decided that november is the month to get things done. Renee is participating in an altered (read normal persons) version of the novel writing thing. Many knitters are knitting a sweater. And many bloggers are committing to blogging every day this month. Well, I've never been much of a joiner, and I have no illusions of my own abilities. My secret desires to write a novel are definitely not planning to manifest anytime soon (I'm reserving that for my mid-life crisis), I cannot knit fast enough to knit an entire sweater in a month, and my life is definitely not interesting enough to blog about something everyday. So I've decided to put my own November goals at reachable, feel good levels. One personal and one professional:
I will finish my sunrise circle jacket by Thanksgiving
I will write and submit a single journal article by the end of the month.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
By the numbers
My husband defended his PhD disseration today and it went fabulously. I am very proud. It is official, we are no longer students, and we will never again be students. It's a good feeling. Getting ready this morning went rather smoothly (minus forgetting the parking pass and nearly running out of gas), and it made me realize that this was the 4th defense we've done as a team, so we should be good at them by now. Maybe it's because his talk addressed a lot of statistics about people, or maybe it's because I just had to compile my own stats for a grant proposal, but it's got me thinking about the education demographics of our household and the numbers are in my head.
Average age: 30
Total number of degrees: 7
Total years of post-baccalaureate education: 15
Total years of post-high school education: 24
States in which we've done research: 6
Countries in which we've done research: 2
When I stop and think about it it's pretty atypical. Not in that academic world of course; it is fairly common to find households with two PhD's floating around. But in the general context of life, I think we may be a statistical anomaly.
So what does it all mean? I'm not bragging about our education, I don't think it makes us better then other people or anything like that. It's just what we choose to do with our lives. I am proud of what we have accomplished, but if anything does it really mean?
Some people say that we are afraid of the "real world". That's not it, life doesn't get much more "real" then paying the mortgage on a grad student salary.
Some people say that we must not fit in anywhere else. That's not it, we have many friends and we have both handled jobs outside of the academic world with no problems.
To me, it is two people who love life, love to learn, love to explore, love to teach, and think that they may be able to contribute to the state of science in some way, and therefore the world. It's two people who want to continue to love life, love to learn and explore the world, and it's two people who want to do that together.
So bring on that real world, here's a team ready to face it head on.
( I hope this post isn't too optimistically happy for those of you who have become used to the regular disgruntled academic ramblings. Watching someone defend a dissertation as successfully has hubby did today tends to raise one's spirits about the world)
Average age: 30
Total number of degrees: 7
Total years of post-baccalaureate education: 15
Total years of post-high school education: 24
States in which we've done research: 6
Countries in which we've done research: 2
When I stop and think about it it's pretty atypical. Not in that academic world of course; it is fairly common to find households with two PhD's floating around. But in the general context of life, I think we may be a statistical anomaly.
So what does it all mean? I'm not bragging about our education, I don't think it makes us better then other people or anything like that. It's just what we choose to do with our lives. I am proud of what we have accomplished, but if anything does it really mean?
Some people say that we are afraid of the "real world". That's not it, life doesn't get much more "real" then paying the mortgage on a grad student salary.
Some people say that we must not fit in anywhere else. That's not it, we have many friends and we have both handled jobs outside of the academic world with no problems.
To me, it is two people who love life, love to learn, love to explore, love to teach, and think that they may be able to contribute to the state of science in some way, and therefore the world. It's two people who want to continue to love life, love to learn and explore the world, and it's two people who want to do that together.
So bring on that real world, here's a team ready to face it head on.
( I hope this post isn't too optimistically happy for those of you who have become used to the regular disgruntled academic ramblings. Watching someone defend a dissertation as successfully has hubby did today tends to raise one's spirits about the world)
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
A finished sock...
Well, as promised after one finished "large" knitting project, I finished a sock....which conveniently finished a pair. Just in time for hubby's defense next week. I told him I knitted in extra luck just for him. 
These are his first pair of "real" socks. He has four previous pairs, which he wears and wears. One was crocheted, one was knitting before I learned how to use dpn's so they were from the two needle sock pattern and have seams in them, and the other two were dpn practice socks out of worsted weight so they are pretty thick. The pattern is Gentelman's Fancy Sock from Nancy Bush's Knitting Vintage Socks. They are by far the best socks I've made to date. They also have the distinction of the pair to be on the needle's longest. Almost a year. I started these last November. I put them aside to complete Christmas knitting last year, and then I finished the first sock sometime in January or February. Then for a while they were my car knitting, and I cast on and knit the first 10 rounds or so of the second sock. This was Marchish. Then the size 0 brittany birch needles snapped in the e-break of my car. Then I ordered and waited for new size 0 bamboo needles because I couldn't find any locally. Then I transferred the stiches and knit the next 10 rounds. Then I needed to pay attention to the pattern which meant either a)bringing the socks in from the car, or b) bringing the pattern book out to the car. Which just never happened. Then it was May and we bought a new car, which meant everything that was in the old car, knitting included, got thrown in a paper grocery bag to be sorted at some later date. That bag is still on the floor in our office btw. Then I made my knitting promise, and after I finished the last pair of socks it was time to get another sock off the needles. So it was tossed in the knitting basket and then I started working on it after the front of Thalia was complete. I did quite a few rows during my sick day last week, more than I thought actually, turned the heel sunday morning and bam, by Monday night. A complete sock. Last night I kitchnered my way to complete sock freedom. Now there are only two in progress pairs to tackle.
These are his first pair of "real" socks. He has four previous pairs, which he wears and wears. One was crocheted, one was knitting before I learned how to use dpn's so they were from the two needle sock pattern and have seams in them, and the other two were dpn practice socks out of worsted weight so they are pretty thick. The pattern is Gentelman's Fancy Sock from Nancy Bush's Knitting Vintage Socks. They are by far the best socks I've made to date. They also have the distinction of the pair to be on the needle's longest. Almost a year. I started these last November. I put them aside to complete Christmas knitting last year, and then I finished the first sock sometime in January or February. Then for a while they were my car knitting, and I cast on and knit the first 10 rounds or so of the second sock. This was Marchish. Then the size 0 brittany birch needles snapped in the e-break of my car. Then I ordered and waited for new size 0 bamboo needles because I couldn't find any locally. Then I transferred the stiches and knit the next 10 rounds. Then I needed to pay attention to the pattern which meant either a)bringing the socks in from the car, or b) bringing the pattern book out to the car. Which just never happened. Then it was May and we bought a new car, which meant everything that was in the old car, knitting included, got thrown in a paper grocery bag to be sorted at some later date. That bag is still on the floor in our office btw. Then I made my knitting promise, and after I finished the last pair of socks it was time to get another sock off the needles. So it was tossed in the knitting basket and then I started working on it after the front of Thalia was complete. I did quite a few rows during my sick day last week, more than I thought actually, turned the heel sunday morning and bam, by Monday night. A complete sock. Last night I kitchnered my way to complete sock freedom. Now there are only two in progress pairs to tackle.
Techy wonderfulness
Alright, despite my inner geek being...well a geek. I sometimes come a little late to the tech game. Wireless internet in my own home is one of these examples. My mother in law was there before we were. Not that I didn't want it, not that I didn't think it was cool. I was just kind of lazy on the whole subject. Then MIL gave up on hers and her router ended up in our house, so we hooked it up. This was around last Christmas. I liked it. Internet from two computers at one time made life for the two of us easier. The she decided she wanted to try it again, so at Eastertime we gave the router back, and a few weeks later bought our own. All was good again. Then one day it just stopped working. Just like that. No more wireless internet. I tried everything, nothing worked. I talked to some friends who said that has been known to happen with the particular brand of router we had and that we probably should just get a better one....this was in June. Laziness again took over. Well, my parents just went wireless in their house and I was once again inspired. I decided to dust off the old router and see what I could do. An evening or so later I was back online. I always figured that the the problems before were a PC/Mac conflict, we use both in this house alternatively, and it just seemed that if you set the firewall settings for one the other would go wonky. So this time, I wired the router directly in the the Mac (it's an iMac anyways...so it stays in one place...it doesn't need to be wireless), and went wireless on the PC laptop. So far so good, it's working great. I'm blogging from my couch.
Why does this matter...why am I blogging about it. Because the really cool part is: I just printed from my couch too! I never did this before and it's been a question in my folks new wireless system, they have three computers and they'd like them all to be able to print to the same printers. My brother in law is setting up the system and asked if I knew, I didn't and my inner geek was shamed into trying. So I did, and it worked. Really simply. So if anyone else wants to try this, here's all I did. A key point I think is that my printer is hardwired to my mac, so it just prints regularly. I enabled printer sharing on the mac...under system preferences. Downloaded Bonjour for Windows from that apple site on to my PC, installed it and then clicked on the Bonjour Printer Wizard icon it made on my desktop. It found the printer that is hooked to my mac. I followed the prompts and voila. I can print wirelessly! I'm home alone and I felt that I needed to share my joy.
I'll post about Rhinebeck later.
Why does this matter...why am I blogging about it. Because the really cool part is: I just printed from my couch too! I never did this before and it's been a question in my folks new wireless system, they have three computers and they'd like them all to be able to print to the same printers. My brother in law is setting up the system and asked if I knew, I didn't and my inner geek was shamed into trying. So I did, and it worked. Really simply. So if anyone else wants to try this, here's all I did. A key point I think is that my printer is hardwired to my mac, so it just prints regularly. I enabled printer sharing on the mac...under system preferences. Downloaded Bonjour for Windows from that apple site on to my PC, installed it and then clicked on the Bonjour Printer Wizard icon it made on my desktop. It found the printer that is hooked to my mac. I followed the prompts and voila. I can print wirelessly! I'm home alone and I felt that I needed to share my joy.
I'll post about Rhinebeck later.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Sick Day
Yesterday, I was sick. I had one of those nasty throat/head cold things that just plain ole' wiped me out. I stayed home as to not expose anyone else to the germs, because I'm a nice person like that. I stay home to work fairly regularly, snow days and on those days when I just need to be sure I won't be interrupted, and I'm pretty productive when I do, so I figured it wouldn't really be a problem; I'd stay in bed late to get the extra rest, do some work and only sneeze in my own home, not in the office. But the best laid plans...work...apparently a few sniffles and I don't remember what work is. For the first time in a very very very long time I was unable to resist that call of the comfy couch, the DIY Network and last week's TV shows streaming over the internet.
On average I watch 5 or 6 hours of TV a week. I'm one of those people who could totally just get sucked into anything. Those old TVLand marathon weekends, you remember, when they would show 48 hours straight of something that you really should only ever see an hour of like...Adam 12 or green acres or something...those were like crack to me. So knowing my TV addiction can be readily activated by crap, (I'd be less embarrassed by it if it was educational TV, but no, I love the cheesy garbage...I own Relic Hunter on DVD...although How It's Made has been known to transfix me as well), I try to limit my weekly TV time. But yesterday, with every intention of doing work, I watched 10, yes 10 hours of TV. I'm surprised my brain still works. This is not appropriate behavior for someone of my academic profession, and all my colleagues would probably find it appalling. (so why do I feel compelled to tell the whole world about it on my blog?)
I did turn it off and pulled out a paper that I need to proof read, but the silence just killed me and it went back on. My compromised immune system made me weak. I needed the rest. [Insert whatever lame excuse you want]. I feel so guilty. Ugh.
I did manage to sew the tiny seams and weave in the ends of Thalia. It's pretty no?
There will be more information coming on this project. On the body shots for one, when both hub and I can find the time to do it. It's hard to photograph yourself. And after those, there maybe some mods to attack. Just for fun I tossed it on over my thermal shirt yesterday, no way was I going sleeveless since I only emerged from under the blanket like twice all day and found the outside world to be too cold for me. People tell me it was in the 70's, but I don't believe them. Anyways, I digress about the weather. There is some gapping under the arms, and I'm not entirely sure my whole chest doesn't hang out. I haven't decided what to do with it yet. Since it was a test knit, mods where not allowed. I detest frogging, but I still have hope for this one. It might just sit for a while. I haven't really decided. Maybe the thermal shirt didn't really help and I should just wait and see. Maybe washing and blocking will help. I'm a big fan of blocking. I still have to type up some of my notes on the pattern for the designer and once I do that I'll post more on the whole process.
Next up: finishing a sock. Just like I promised.
On average I watch 5 or 6 hours of TV a week. I'm one of those people who could totally just get sucked into anything. Those old TVLand marathon weekends, you remember, when they would show 48 hours straight of something that you really should only ever see an hour of like...Adam 12 or green acres or something...those were like crack to me. So knowing my TV addiction can be readily activated by crap, (I'd be less embarrassed by it if it was educational TV, but no, I love the cheesy garbage...I own Relic Hunter on DVD...although How It's Made has been known to transfix me as well), I try to limit my weekly TV time. But yesterday, with every intention of doing work, I watched 10, yes 10 hours of TV. I'm surprised my brain still works. This is not appropriate behavior for someone of my academic profession, and all my colleagues would probably find it appalling. (so why do I feel compelled to tell the whole world about it on my blog?)
I did turn it off and pulled out a paper that I need to proof read, but the silence just killed me and it went back on. My compromised immune system made me weak. I needed the rest. [Insert whatever lame excuse you want]. I feel so guilty. Ugh.
I did manage to sew the tiny seams and weave in the ends of Thalia. It's pretty no?
There will be more information coming on this project. On the body shots for one, when both hub and I can find the time to do it. It's hard to photograph yourself. And after those, there maybe some mods to attack. Just for fun I tossed it on over my thermal shirt yesterday, no way was I going sleeveless since I only emerged from under the blanket like twice all day and found the outside world to be too cold for me. People tell me it was in the 70's, but I don't believe them. Anyways, I digress about the weather. There is some gapping under the arms, and I'm not entirely sure my whole chest doesn't hang out. I haven't decided what to do with it yet. Since it was a test knit, mods where not allowed. I detest frogging, but I still have hope for this one. It might just sit for a while. I haven't really decided. Maybe the thermal shirt didn't really help and I should just wait and see. Maybe washing and blocking will help. I'm a big fan of blocking. I still have to type up some of my notes on the pattern for the designer and once I do that I'll post more on the whole process.
Next up: finishing a sock. Just like I promised.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
staying faithful
Well would you look at that...a post.
I know, two weeks! I feel like all I did was blink and here we are two weeks since I posted last. But, that's a good thing, because it means I've been busy. Writing, and applying for jobs. Papers are looking almost like they are ready for submission. The University gave me permission to be a PI and I've applied for 5 tenure track positions. So, things are looking up and forward and I'm happy about that. My last few posts may have seemed a bit whiny, and I will admit they were, the politics of academic life were grating on my nerves, some people had said things they shouldn't have, and I was generally unhappy with the situation. Then I went away and bitched some of it out on the blog, met some new scientists, who treated me like a human and not a (insert whatever species you don't have any respect for here), and managed to remember why I was doing this in the first place and bamn, two weeks later, life is back on track and I'm ignoring all the poopyheads pretty efficiently. (saying poopheads helps too).
Ok, so knitting today. With crappy pictures because the good camera is at school and I'm at home. I have stuck to my last stated knitting intentions and I'm being faithful to the Thalia test knit (ravelry link). But it's soooooo hard to be faithful. It's a pretty small gauge and the ribbing was a pretty tedious stitch pattern. The first two inches were like, "yeah this is so cool", and then the last eight inches were "why am I still ribbing?". I topped out at a speed of three rounds per night, which is really slow progress. But, it looks so nice and I have high hopes for the finished product, so it isn't all bad. I divided for the arms earlier this week and the stockinette is flying by much quicker, and it helps that I love the yarn (ravelry) Here's a picture of the progress so far.
I think it would feel really good to finish it up. So I''m headed to curl up with my knitting and my Thursday night TV. See you soon.
I know, two weeks! I feel like all I did was blink and here we are two weeks since I posted last. But, that's a good thing, because it means I've been busy. Writing, and applying for jobs. Papers are looking almost like they are ready for submission. The University gave me permission to be a PI and I've applied for 5 tenure track positions. So, things are looking up and forward and I'm happy about that. My last few posts may have seemed a bit whiny, and I will admit they were, the politics of academic life were grating on my nerves, some people had said things they shouldn't have, and I was generally unhappy with the situation. Then I went away and bitched some of it out on the blog, met some new scientists, who treated me like a human and not a (insert whatever species you don't have any respect for here), and managed to remember why I was doing this in the first place and bamn, two weeks later, life is back on track and I'm ignoring all the poopyheads pretty efficiently. (saying poopheads helps too).
Ok, so knitting today. With crappy pictures because the good camera is at school and I'm at home. I have stuck to my last stated knitting intentions and I'm being faithful to the Thalia test knit (ravelry link). But it's soooooo hard to be faithful. It's a pretty small gauge and the ribbing was a pretty tedious stitch pattern. The first two inches were like, "yeah this is so cool", and then the last eight inches were "why am I still ribbing?". I topped out at a speed of three rounds per night, which is really slow progress. But, it looks so nice and I have high hopes for the finished product, so it isn't all bad. I divided for the arms earlier this week and the stockinette is flying by much quicker, and it helps that I love the yarn (ravelry) Here's a picture of the progress so far.
I think it would feel really good to finish it up. So I''m headed to curl up with my knitting and my Thursday night TV. See you soon.
Friday, September 28, 2007
my 2 cents
We made a sale!!! Well two actually. It's minimal forward progress, they are the least expensive item in the shop, and I listed them with free shipping as an incentive, so really I don't make any profit on them other then building a customer base. The esty listing/showcase bill for this month is $8.12 and the paypal account balance from the sales is $8.14. I'm very happy with my 2 cents!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
A sea of grey
I must be the only nearly 29 year old in the world that wishes I was at least 5 or 6 years older.
I mean shouldn't I be lamenting the loss of my 20's, not wishing them away?
This meeting I'm at was supposed to be for young faculty, early career scientists, particularly post-docs and graduate students. It's about getting funding from NSF, the process, available programs, etc. Since NSF funding seems to be the second half of your union card into the world of being a full fledged scientist and/or professor, I signed up immediately. I was pretty excited, the post-doc thing is well, I talked about that yesterday, so I won't waste the space here. But the opportunity to be with other people in or about my cohort was pretty exciting. Talking about science and the future directions is always stimulating and refreshing, and I though the energy of "younger" people would make it even better. I new that there would be many of the well respected icons of the field here too, but I thought the focus would be on getting the "new blood" involved. So imagine my surprise and frustration to find myself the only one under, let's conservatively say 37. Now, I'm not complaining or anything, I love to listen and learn, that's part of why I do what I do, but it's very difficult to always feel like your outside in the cold knocking on the door. When I finally did work up the courage to take that damn mic and express and opinion I was blatantly ignored. All those old men looked at me like I was an alien. My comments didn't even make it into the plenary session review, even though others came up to me after and said they were good ideas. So it seems good ideas from the "early career" scientists this workshop was supposed to help embrace aren't good enough. That's not making us feel welcome. Yet you can devote entire sessions to the educational needs we should be meeting to "save the future of the field". The future is right here in the room, how about paying attention!
Sorry that was a bit ranty, but it was hard to sit and listen to that today, and to hear them say things like "I see a lot of grey out there, maybe we don't understand the virtual world that students live in today", and in the welcome, "we really want to get the new scientists involved, this has been an old boys club for a long time and it's time to change that". The keynote speaker for crying out loud. One of the main reasons I came her was to get recharged to feel like there was a future for me in this field. I've been thinking a lot about leaving lately. There are about a billion reasons some revolving around my specific work environment right know, and those I know will change as soon as I find a new job. Those pesky problems aside, it's still a hard road, there are alot of obstacles, that seem to grow exponentially when you are a women, and when you are younger than the average PhD out there (I'm no Dougie Howser or anything, but I am the youngest PhD I know) they seem to grow even more. Midway through day three, I almost walked out, leaving that sea of seemingly brilliant but horrifically ignorant grey behind. I have better things to do than be ignored. But I stayed, mainly because I'm half a country away from home and had nowhere else to go, but partly because my love of science will not die and I still have some silly hope that I will discover something new and meaningful and to do that, you some how have to break into the club. So I'll keep trying. I'm kind of stubborn like that.
At least now I know who to submit the proposals to, how to request use of the sites, and navigate the endless pit of paperwork to get my ideas to that panel of my grey haired "peer" reviewers. Maybe they're more receptive when the future isn't standing in front of them looking so damn young and womenlike and instead is some "anonymous" scientist on a piece of paper. Sometimes I think we live in a mad mad world.
I think this post came out more negative then I meant it to be. But this gig really is hard sometimes. The conference wasn't all bad. I did get through to a couple of the scientists here and I had a very exciting conversation with one of the scientists here, one I respect quite a bit and he was very receptive to my ideas, and offered a lot of help and collaboration and told me I should apply for a very competitive post-doc program and offered to sponsor my application, so that's all good...but another post-doc??? That's a musing for another day.
I mean shouldn't I be lamenting the loss of my 20's, not wishing them away?
This meeting I'm at was supposed to be for young faculty, early career scientists, particularly post-docs and graduate students. It's about getting funding from NSF, the process, available programs, etc. Since NSF funding seems to be the second half of your union card into the world of being a full fledged scientist and/or professor, I signed up immediately. I was pretty excited, the post-doc thing is well, I talked about that yesterday, so I won't waste the space here. But the opportunity to be with other people in or about my cohort was pretty exciting. Talking about science and the future directions is always stimulating and refreshing, and I though the energy of "younger" people would make it even better. I new that there would be many of the well respected icons of the field here too, but I thought the focus would be on getting the "new blood" involved. So imagine my surprise and frustration to find myself the only one under, let's conservatively say 37. Now, I'm not complaining or anything, I love to listen and learn, that's part of why I do what I do, but it's very difficult to always feel like your outside in the cold knocking on the door. When I finally did work up the courage to take that damn mic and express and opinion I was blatantly ignored. All those old men looked at me like I was an alien. My comments didn't even make it into the plenary session review, even though others came up to me after and said they were good ideas. So it seems good ideas from the "early career" scientists this workshop was supposed to help embrace aren't good enough. That's not making us feel welcome. Yet you can devote entire sessions to the educational needs we should be meeting to "save the future of the field". The future is right here in the room, how about paying attention!
Sorry that was a bit ranty, but it was hard to sit and listen to that today, and to hear them say things like "I see a lot of grey out there, maybe we don't understand the virtual world that students live in today", and in the welcome, "we really want to get the new scientists involved, this has been an old boys club for a long time and it's time to change that". The keynote speaker for crying out loud. One of the main reasons I came her was to get recharged to feel like there was a future for me in this field. I've been thinking a lot about leaving lately. There are about a billion reasons some revolving around my specific work environment right know, and those I know will change as soon as I find a new job. Those pesky problems aside, it's still a hard road, there are alot of obstacles, that seem to grow exponentially when you are a women, and when you are younger than the average PhD out there (I'm no Dougie Howser or anything, but I am the youngest PhD I know) they seem to grow even more. Midway through day three, I almost walked out, leaving that sea of seemingly brilliant but horrifically ignorant grey behind. I have better things to do than be ignored. But I stayed, mainly because I'm half a country away from home and had nowhere else to go, but partly because my love of science will not die and I still have some silly hope that I will discover something new and meaningful and to do that, you some how have to break into the club. So I'll keep trying. I'm kind of stubborn like that.
At least now I know who to submit the proposals to, how to request use of the sites, and navigate the endless pit of paperwork to get my ideas to that panel of my grey haired "peer" reviewers. Maybe they're more receptive when the future isn't standing in front of them looking so damn young and womenlike and instead is some "anonymous" scientist on a piece of paper. Sometimes I think we live in a mad mad world.
I think this post came out more negative then I meant it to be. But this gig really is hard sometimes. The conference wasn't all bad. I did get through to a couple of the scientists here and I had a very exciting conversation with one of the scientists here, one I respect quite a bit and he was very receptive to my ideas, and offered a lot of help and collaboration and told me I should apply for a very competitive post-doc program and offered to sponsor my application, so that's all good...but another post-doc??? That's a musing for another day.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Keeping in touch
As promised...consistent posting!
So, I'm at a workshop in Boulder, CO. I haven't been here in 5 maybe 6 years, and it turns out I'll be back again for a conference in June, and if we get the funding we are applying for, possibly for another month in July. It's grown a bit from what I remember. Last time I was here I was at another conference on a similar yet not so similar topic, and oddly there are some people at this conference that were at that, it's like two worlds have collided. I went to that other conference twice and made a really great friend, who I really had met previously when she was my host for a grad school visit at a school I didn't attend, long story, but we became fast friends and when we went to this conference we would fly from our respective schools and meet at some connecting airport and talk nonstop for the whole damn week, like we were long lost sisters or something. We both loved to travel and loved the National Parks, we would take a couple of days after the conference and go up to Rocky Mountain National Park and hike and laugh alot. She was fun, we had fun together, when I made my exodus from engineering we lost track of each other. I miss her.
Life is funny like that, I've had some really good friends over the years, and there are several I've lost track of, that I regret losing track of. Most of them I knew from the time that I was getting my MS, and a I was little lost off my path, a period of my life I was happy to leave behind because it was the right thing for me to do both personally and professionally. I just lost track of them, not because I didn't care, not because they didn't care, just because life took us on different paths. I wonder if it was because on some level in my brain they were associated with a time that I wasn't happy with everything in my life so I blocked it out. I don't really know, but I know I miss them, and I regret losing touch, but it feels weird to still call them friends after all this time without contact all this time.
Anyways, being here reminded me of her, so I googled her today. That's the great thing about the internet, and the bad thing I guess, you can track everyone down. It turns out she finished her PhD a year before I did and she is also doing a post-doc, and those are good things, so it's nice to know that she is being successful. It'd be nice to get in touch with her again, because I think friends are important, and she was a good friend. I wonder if I should email her.
It's weird that she's a post-doc too. I've been lamenting the lack of not knowing any other post-docs, it's been a very difficult phase of my career, a rather depressing one at that, and lonely. My grad school friends don't understand it yet, even though they try to. My real life friends also try to understand and are fabulously supportive, same with my family (I'm a very lucky girl in that sense, lot's of people who what to see me happy and that on its own makes me pretty happy), but it's hard for them to fully understand too. I'm living it and I don't totally understand it. My almost-but-not-quite-because-I'm-not-a-professor-yet colleagues apparently have blocked out their post-doc expereinces, or never had them because they are all from a generation where it was possibly to get the job without this bizarre holding tank period. So, I'm feeling kind of alone, it would be nice to talk to someone in the same boat. But that's a selfish reason to email her. But maybe she feels the same way, and she'd like someone to talk to too. Maybe I should just let things be and see if our paths cross again in some other way. Maybe I should stop spending so much time in hotels by myself, it makes me think too much.
So, I'm at a workshop in Boulder, CO. I haven't been here in 5 maybe 6 years, and it turns out I'll be back again for a conference in June, and if we get the funding we are applying for, possibly for another month in July. It's grown a bit from what I remember. Last time I was here I was at another conference on a similar yet not so similar topic, and oddly there are some people at this conference that were at that, it's like two worlds have collided. I went to that other conference twice and made a really great friend, who I really had met previously when she was my host for a grad school visit at a school I didn't attend, long story, but we became fast friends and when we went to this conference we would fly from our respective schools and meet at some connecting airport and talk nonstop for the whole damn week, like we were long lost sisters or something. We both loved to travel and loved the National Parks, we would take a couple of days after the conference and go up to Rocky Mountain National Park and hike and laugh alot. She was fun, we had fun together, when I made my exodus from engineering we lost track of each other. I miss her.
Life is funny like that, I've had some really good friends over the years, and there are several I've lost track of, that I regret losing track of. Most of them I knew from the time that I was getting my MS, and a I was little lost off my path, a period of my life I was happy to leave behind because it was the right thing for me to do both personally and professionally. I just lost track of them, not because I didn't care, not because they didn't care, just because life took us on different paths. I wonder if it was because on some level in my brain they were associated with a time that I wasn't happy with everything in my life so I blocked it out. I don't really know, but I know I miss them, and I regret losing touch, but it feels weird to still call them friends after all this time without contact all this time.
Anyways, being here reminded me of her, so I googled her today. That's the great thing about the internet, and the bad thing I guess, you can track everyone down. It turns out she finished her PhD a year before I did and she is also doing a post-doc, and those are good things, so it's nice to know that she is being successful. It'd be nice to get in touch with her again, because I think friends are important, and she was a good friend. I wonder if I should email her.
It's weird that she's a post-doc too. I've been lamenting the lack of not knowing any other post-docs, it's been a very difficult phase of my career, a rather depressing one at that, and lonely. My grad school friends don't understand it yet, even though they try to. My real life friends also try to understand and are fabulously supportive, same with my family (I'm a very lucky girl in that sense, lot's of people who what to see me happy and that on its own makes me pretty happy), but it's hard for them to fully understand too. I'm living it and I don't totally understand it. My almost-but-not-quite-because-I'm-not-a-professor-yet colleagues apparently have blocked out their post-doc expereinces, or never had them because they are all from a generation where it was possibly to get the job without this bizarre holding tank period. So, I'm feeling kind of alone, it would be nice to talk to someone in the same boat. But that's a selfish reason to email her. But maybe she feels the same way, and she'd like someone to talk to too. Maybe I should just let things be and see if our paths cross again in some other way. Maybe I should stop spending so much time in hotels by myself, it makes me think too much.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Martha Part 2
Well, I should finish the story right....where were we, oh yes, backstage. After we walked off the set they shuffled us back to our seats. Then they started loading people on buses. The red star people got to go first, and this was the bus that Martha and Usher were on. I think those were the people who seemed most likely to spend the money right then and there because they were big kitcheny people and people who were doing lots of remodeling. Then the second bus went, and we were still in the studio, we watched all the other audience members loading up on the monitors. Just when we thought we had been forgotten, we got on the last bus, which only had 10 people on it. Then we waited on the bus for a long long time before we went anywhere. Then we got stuck in the traffic caused by the premeire of Oprah.
When we finally did get to Macy's we had missed the Welcome from the president, which I saw on the show the next day, but we did get a private escort to the bedding and bath floor, where all organized chaos reigned. Martha was there "shopping" with cameras and lights and mics and an entourage following her around. Every Macy's employee on the planet was also there. The producers were lining us up in certain sections that we were "interested" in and feeding us questions to ask Martha if she came over. There was a lot of yelling things like "towels I need 7 people who are interested in towels" and then running to the towels section. It was all a little overwhelming but alot of fun too. To me it was most interesting to see the process in real life and then watch it on TV the next day. Totally different in real life. In the end, they filmed Martha at the checkout and she left. We spent the rest of the day wandering around Macy's trying to decide what to spend the giftcards on. My sister bought a Martha apron to remember the day and I didn't buy anything. I don't need anything for the house. Kitchen wise I'm well stocked from our wedding, and as you probably guessed that stuff doesn't see much use in my life. I love having it, I'm all about having the right tool for the job, and while DH will never understand why we "waste" perfectly good drawer space with a cookie scoop I use maybe once a year, knowing I have it makes me happy. Bedroom wise I have a gorgeous handmade quilt that my mom made, so even though Martha's line is beautiful, it could never match what's there. Bathroom wise...well it's pink and the tiles are falling off the floor, and I bought new towels two weeks before the Martha show. So $250 in Macy's giftcard form is burning a hole in my wallet. Doesn't seem right to spend it frivolously...like on a Coach bag or something...but I don't need any Martha stuff. Right now I'm leaning towards a totally for fun purchase, but the practical side of me just can't seem to actually do it. Oh well, it's a good thing those things don't expire. After Macy's we did make a trip to School Products, where I did splurge on a little cashmere...if only Macy's sold yarn I would have been all good, a crafty purchase Martha would have approved of. :)
So there it is, the Martha story. We had a blast and it was so great to spend the time with my sister, she's cool and fun.
In other news, I'm out of town again. I haven't sleep home on a Sunday since Labor day and I have to tell you that's getting old, but the forced alone in the hotel time will probably mean a lot of posts this week. Just ones without pictures because I didn't bring the cord for the camera with me. I also forgot socks, but that's another matter.
When we finally did get to Macy's we had missed the Welcome from the president, which I saw on the show the next day, but we did get a private escort to the bedding and bath floor, where all organized chaos reigned. Martha was there "shopping" with cameras and lights and mics and an entourage following her around. Every Macy's employee on the planet was also there. The producers were lining us up in certain sections that we were "interested" in and feeding us questions to ask Martha if she came over. There was a lot of yelling things like "towels I need 7 people who are interested in towels" and then running to the towels section. It was all a little overwhelming but alot of fun too. To me it was most interesting to see the process in real life and then watch it on TV the next day. Totally different in real life. In the end, they filmed Martha at the checkout and she left. We spent the rest of the day wandering around Macy's trying to decide what to spend the giftcards on. My sister bought a Martha apron to remember the day and I didn't buy anything. I don't need anything for the house. Kitchen wise I'm well stocked from our wedding, and as you probably guessed that stuff doesn't see much use in my life. I love having it, I'm all about having the right tool for the job, and while DH will never understand why we "waste" perfectly good drawer space with a cookie scoop I use maybe once a year, knowing I have it makes me happy. Bedroom wise I have a gorgeous handmade quilt that my mom made, so even though Martha's line is beautiful, it could never match what's there. Bathroom wise...well it's pink and the tiles are falling off the floor, and I bought new towels two weeks before the Martha show. So $250 in Macy's giftcard form is burning a hole in my wallet. Doesn't seem right to spend it frivolously...like on a Coach bag or something...but I don't need any Martha stuff. Right now I'm leaning towards a totally for fun purchase, but the practical side of me just can't seem to actually do it. Oh well, it's a good thing those things don't expire. After Macy's we did make a trip to School Products, where I did splurge on a little cashmere...if only Macy's sold yarn I would have been all good, a crafty purchase Martha would have approved of. :)
So there it is, the Martha story. We had a blast and it was so great to spend the time with my sister, she's cool and fun.
In other news, I'm out of town again. I haven't sleep home on a Sunday since Labor day and I have to tell you that's getting old, but the forced alone in the hotel time will probably mean a lot of posts this week. Just ones without pictures because I didn't bring the cord for the camera with me. I also forgot socks, but that's another matter.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Domestic Diva
"the only thing domestic about me is that I live in a house"
There is this cute green vw bug that parks in my parking lot everyday with that quote on a bumper sticker. It TOTALLY applies to me, and DH reminds me of it everytime I try to do something domestic. Those of you who know me know it's true. I bake once a year with my mom and my sister at Christmas time, and for the occasional cookie craving premade dough is the way to go. So this may surprise you:
yup that's me, standing behind the queen of domesticity: Martha Stewart.
My sister, the domestic goddess of our family, loves Martha Stewart. When I say loves I mean worships. So a month or so ago when it was announced that you could apply for tickets for the new season, we signed up. You submit your name and week that tickets are available for and then if you're picked you get tickets to the show for whatever day they decide. A week later, we got an email saying we had tickets. FOR THE SEASON PREMIERE. (I put that in caps because that was the way sister told everyone, with much emphasis on the premiere part). I'm not a kitcheny person, but I am a crafter and I have been known to watch the show, so I was pretty excited too.
The email had all these instructions and questions and was just a little odd. Saying things about being longer than a regular taping because they film promotional segments, bring flats because you'll be standing and walking alot. It was all a bit vague and a little fishy. Then a week before the show, a producer called my house to ask all these questions again, are you a baker, a chef, a crafter, are you remodeling, a new home owner, getting married....and can you send us pictures of yourself. Fishier, but we complied.
Then the commercial aired: "don't miss the season premiere of Martha with special guest Usher and see our studio audience get a surprise that will change the way they live". Seriously, "change the way they live".
So I got a little more excited and we embarked on our adventure. We stayed ~30 minutes outside of the city since we needed to be there super early in the am and thought it would be better to drive in the night before. Got to the studio 45 minutes early and waited outside for a bit. Then we checked in and they handed us our tickets. Most people were getting tickets numbered in order. We got ones with a purple stripe on them, and it was clear that we had somehow been preselected for something (we suspected it was based on our pictures), but we couldn't tell what (there were green stripe people too and then people getting interviewed about their love of kitchen gadgets or their remodeling got red stars..most everyone was classed in one way or another) We were seated with all the other purple stripe people. On the side of the studio far from were Martha ever was, over by the craft room and the whole episode took place in the kitchen. (honestly I was starting to think they had decided we were too ugly to be caught on camera). Then the big surprise. We were all going to Macy's to shop with Martha and we were each getting a $250 gift card to do so! She has a new line of kitchen, bed and bath things there. Suddenly the need for flats made sense. Then cut to commercial and next thing I know, they are lining up us purple stripes to be in the final scene, walking out of the studio with Martha and Usher to go to Macy's. So there we are, standing next to Martha and Usher. When my sister realized that Martha was two feet away she went into shell shock. Then Usher started talking to her (my sister, not Martha) and I thought she was going to pass out. He saw that she was pregnant, got all excited, asked her about the baby, how far along was she, told us his wife was pregnant too. His whole face lit up, it was so cute, if all fathers were that excited about their children to be the world would be a better place. Then we filmed, and walked off the set with Martha, backstage and everything! Not all the way to Macy's though, that's a whole other story and this post is probably long enough :)
There is this cute green vw bug that parks in my parking lot everyday with that quote on a bumper sticker. It TOTALLY applies to me, and DH reminds me of it everytime I try to do something domestic. Those of you who know me know it's true. I bake once a year with my mom and my sister at Christmas time, and for the occasional cookie craving premade dough is the way to go. So this may surprise you:
yup that's me, standing behind the queen of domesticity: Martha Stewart.
My sister, the domestic goddess of our family, loves Martha Stewart. When I say loves I mean worships. So a month or so ago when it was announced that you could apply for tickets for the new season, we signed up. You submit your name and week that tickets are available for and then if you're picked you get tickets to the show for whatever day they decide. A week later, we got an email saying we had tickets. FOR THE SEASON PREMIERE. (I put that in caps because that was the way sister told everyone, with much emphasis on the premiere part). I'm not a kitcheny person, but I am a crafter and I have been known to watch the show, so I was pretty excited too.
The email had all these instructions and questions and was just a little odd. Saying things about being longer than a regular taping because they film promotional segments, bring flats because you'll be standing and walking alot. It was all a bit vague and a little fishy. Then a week before the show, a producer called my house to ask all these questions again, are you a baker, a chef, a crafter, are you remodeling, a new home owner, getting married....and can you send us pictures of yourself. Fishier, but we complied.
Then the commercial aired: "don't miss the season premiere of Martha with special guest Usher and see our studio audience get a surprise that will change the way they live". Seriously, "change the way they live".
So I got a little more excited and we embarked on our adventure. We stayed ~30 minutes outside of the city since we needed to be there super early in the am and thought it would be better to drive in the night before. Got to the studio 45 minutes early and waited outside for a bit. Then we checked in and they handed us our tickets. Most people were getting tickets numbered in order. We got ones with a purple stripe on them, and it was clear that we had somehow been preselected for something (we suspected it was based on our pictures), but we couldn't tell what (there were green stripe people too and then people getting interviewed about their love of kitchen gadgets or their remodeling got red stars..most everyone was classed in one way or another) We were seated with all the other purple stripe people. On the side of the studio far from were Martha ever was, over by the craft room and the whole episode took place in the kitchen. (honestly I was starting to think they had decided we were too ugly to be caught on camera). Then the big surprise. We were all going to Macy's to shop with Martha and we were each getting a $250 gift card to do so! She has a new line of kitchen, bed and bath things there. Suddenly the need for flats made sense. Then cut to commercial and next thing I know, they are lining up us purple stripes to be in the final scene, walking out of the studio with Martha and Usher to go to Macy's. So there we are, standing next to Martha and Usher. When my sister realized that Martha was two feet away she went into shell shock. Then Usher started talking to her (my sister, not Martha) and I thought she was going to pass out. He saw that she was pregnant, got all excited, asked her about the baby, how far along was she, told us his wife was pregnant too. His whole face lit up, it was so cute, if all fathers were that excited about their children to be the world would be a better place. Then we filmed, and walked off the set with Martha, backstage and everything! Not all the way to Macy's though, that's a whole other story and this post is probably long enough :)
Thursday, September 6, 2007
etsy...for real this time
Ok, so I have a real etsy shop this time. Listing things has renewed my interest in jewelry making, there's some new stuff too. Here it is
Friday, August 31, 2007
The thing about deadlines...
is that the self imposed kind are very hard to keep.
I've been working on a paper for awhile, it may have appeared in other posts referring to the difficult time I've been having with my collaborators. We planned to have it done by June 1st. Then there was a visit from some other collaborators and a mini-course to teach, so it was July 1st, which came and went, then I knew I was going on vacation and so I gave myself a hard deadline of the end of the summer. Paper ready to submit by August 30th. That is today you might note, and as you probably guessed, the paper is not ready to submit.
It's not that I've been neglecting it, or slacking or anything like that. I've been working on it, working hard on it. All the text is there, nice intro, justification, lit review, data description, and then bam. A big fat empty results section. Numbers have been crunched, plots have been made, but there are some problems, and things I don't understand that have required...well let's just say a lot of work, including contact with the manufacturer of the equipment to reprocess the data from scratch, and lot's of waiting for decisions/opinions from my co-authors. And yet, I still have no results. I don't think that there really is anything more to say about this project. We've already published 2 papers on it, and a 3rd is under review. So, I have decided to abandon this particular paper, and move on. That was my answer to the hard deadline, no point beating a dead horse, count it as lessons learned, etc, but time to move on. I made my peace with it.
But, whoa, collaborators don't like this, suddenly there is help, there are opinions, there are thoughts on changing the focus, blah blah. Thoughts that are all three months behind. Thoughts and ideas that I have visited, and revisited and I'm entirely sure will lead to nowhere on a third visit. There is a let's give it one more month kind of attitude. I want to scream.
When does my opinion as a scientist get to count? When does my career path get to become my decision? I'm well aware that as a post-doc I'm supposed to be publishing papers like mad, but that doesn't mean I'm going to write a sucky one just for the sake of it. I also understand that the post-doc is that in-between stage were you still need "some" guidance, but .... hrrumph.
I've been working on a paper for awhile, it may have appeared in other posts referring to the difficult time I've been having with my collaborators. We planned to have it done by June 1st. Then there was a visit from some other collaborators and a mini-course to teach, so it was July 1st, which came and went, then I knew I was going on vacation and so I gave myself a hard deadline of the end of the summer. Paper ready to submit by August 30th. That is today you might note, and as you probably guessed, the paper is not ready to submit.
It's not that I've been neglecting it, or slacking or anything like that. I've been working on it, working hard on it. All the text is there, nice intro, justification, lit review, data description, and then bam. A big fat empty results section. Numbers have been crunched, plots have been made, but there are some problems, and things I don't understand that have required...well let's just say a lot of work, including contact with the manufacturer of the equipment to reprocess the data from scratch, and lot's of waiting for decisions/opinions from my co-authors. And yet, I still have no results. I don't think that there really is anything more to say about this project. We've already published 2 papers on it, and a 3rd is under review. So, I have decided to abandon this particular paper, and move on. That was my answer to the hard deadline, no point beating a dead horse, count it as lessons learned, etc, but time to move on. I made my peace with it.
But, whoa, collaborators don't like this, suddenly there is help, there are opinions, there are thoughts on changing the focus, blah blah. Thoughts that are all three months behind. Thoughts and ideas that I have visited, and revisited and I'm entirely sure will lead to nowhere on a third visit. There is a let's give it one more month kind of attitude. I want to scream.
When does my opinion as a scientist get to count? When does my career path get to become my decision? I'm well aware that as a post-doc I'm supposed to be publishing papers like mad, but that doesn't mean I'm going to write a sucky one just for the sake of it. I also understand that the post-doc is that in-between stage were you still need "some" guidance, but .... hrrumph.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
knitting warning
Totally forgot in the last post: BEWARE knitting can be dangerous.
Those skinny metal dpns that some people use for socks will most definitely pierce through multiple layers of skin. Kind of like a giant metal sliver. Do not, I repeat, DO Not put them anywhere they can possibly be stepped on.
Not a pleasant feeling, I don't think it will scar or anything, but if you are looking for a way to freak out your husband, this might be it. "Honey can you come remove the knitting needle from my foot?"
Those skinny metal dpns that some people use for socks will most definitely pierce through multiple layers of skin. Kind of like a giant metal sliver. Do not, I repeat, DO Not put them anywhere they can possibly be stepped on.
Not a pleasant feeling, I don't think it will scar or anything, but if you are looking for a way to freak out your husband, this might be it. "Honey can you come remove the knitting needle from my foot?"
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Knitting
Today I'm going to talk about knitting. No, this is not because my brain is like a sieve and I can't think of anything else to talk about. I made a handy dandy list in my handy dandy PDA and have a whole series of blog posts lined up. Today I just feel like talking about knitting. I had a not so great day at school and knitting is therapeutic for me so that's what we are going to talk about. If you think that's boring, you can stop reading now, if not go on...
I have decided to *mostly* subscribe to a practice of knitting monogamy. This stemmed from the realization that I had 10 no 11, no 12 different projects going on at once. 6 of which were socks. Three of which are destined to be frogged. So my new theory is that for every big project I finish I must complete one pair of socks in progress. This should cut my UFO count down quite a bit, but I can still start a new "big" project for everyone I finish. I know the math doesn't work out, but it makes me feel better. Projects like Ellen's afghan are so big they are an exempt to the rule, and there will always be one pair of socks in the car for travel knitting. So, maybe it's not really going to cut down the numbers, but since I've been subscribing to this new monogamous way of life things are getting done. The socks from the last post were the first pair to get out of the queue (just 5 and a half more socks to knit!!). A blanket for nephew to be popped out just before them (full disclosure-it still needs end weaving and blocking, but I count it as done!). Before that it was the toddler size sweater for said nephew:
So, I felt that all the finishing allowed for the thrill of a new beginning. IN WOOL. After knitting with cotton, which is tough on my wrists, acrylic, which I usually just find icky, and bamboo, which was a new fiber experience and not as enjoyable as I was hoping (there's something weird about knitting bamboo yarn on bamboo needles don't you think?), I was in desperate need of wool. I love wool. So I planned to start on Rogue which I totally adore, and started once before but the wool was too bulky so I made something else, and bought different yarn to do, but it needed to wound into a ball and my fingers were craving wool too much to spend time dragging out the swift. So this is what has popped on and off my needles since late Friday afternoon:
It is the back to Kate Gilbert's Sunrise Circle Jacket in Filatura Di Crosa Primo, color 267, that I got at the Webs tent sale early in the summer. It is a really pretty ice blue that the picture doesn't do justice. I was a little worried, because even though I love the sweater, my last flirtation with a KG pattern was not a success. I still might be the only knitter in the universe that does not own a clapotis. In retrospect I probably should have started with one of the fronts since that's were the interest and therefore the difficultly would be, but I have this concrete sequential way of doing things and the pattern starts with the back so I made the back. I like the pattern so far, especially the turned up hem detail. But, man, it's curly. I'm going to spray block the back before I do the seaming, but I think it's going to need a full on severe blocking when the whole thing is through. This is the fastest I have ever completed any piece of a sweater. I don't feel that I knit a lot this weekend. In fact, I know one contiguous 10 hour chunk of Saturday was taken up by reading Harry Potter cover to cover, so I couldn't have knit that much. Maybe I'm just getting faster. I guess that stands to reason.
So there it is, I'm down to 10 WIPs. So what did I do? Exactly what you would think. I volunteered to be a test knitter for this pattern. I've never been a test knitter before. Before ravelry, I didn't have enough contact with other knitters to see the process in any stage other than a finished pattern. I think the tank is absolutely gorgeous and I'm really excited to knit it. So I did some swatches from a couple of odd balls I had lying around, and picked one I loved, and ordered up enough to do the tank. I'm waiting *patiently* for it to arrive. And yes, it's mostly wool :). Ok, so being honest 11 WIPs. Maybe I'll just try to keep it under a dozen.
So that's what I've been up to. Harry Potter and obsessive knitting. Welcome to my version of escapism.
Friday, August 24, 2007
I should blog about...
I have that thought at least once a week. What comes after the ellipsis is quite varied. Sometimes it's about my academic life, sometimes it's about my knitting, sometimes it's just random stuff. But the thought always occurs at a time when I'm not near my blog. Driving my car, on the machine at the gym, or any place else that's not blogging conducive. By the time I find uninterrupted time to sit at the computer, like now, the beautifully composed blog entry has flown from my mind never to be retrieved again, and my brain seems to be somewhat akin to a student just caught asleep in class. "Um, um, could you repeat the question please..." But, it's been a long time since I blogged so I thought maybe something would just flow today. I'm sorry if it bores you, we'll see where it goes.
That's always been the problem with my brain. It works too fast. It's a little like mental ADD, but without that annoying symptom of not finishing a task (knitting basket doesn't count here) Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not. I've solved most of my most frustrating data problems in the shower, and have been known to sit down at the computer dripping wet testing out my "inspiration". For awhile I kept a notebook with me at all times and would try to jot down my thoughts, but the notes would get lost, or where to cryptic to decipher. Days later I'd find myself wondering what something like "morning darker yellow" meant, and what aspect of my life it could possibly relate too. And bam we're there. One of things I thought I should blog about. My new toy.
I love all things organizy. Always have. I was severely depressed when the Franklin Covey closed it's local store, but the internet saved me. I have a system. I have a planner, which I use pretty reliably for ~10 years now. I went the electronic route once before, about 6 years ago, I had a Palm M125. I know it's pretty old school now, but it was hip then. I loved it. I used it all the time...when I remembered to change the batteries that is. After a solid 3 years of use it just wasn't hacking it anymore, I was carrying both it and a paper planner and the palm just went away. Mostly because it did not have the ability to categorize my to do list. DH's handspring something or other did, I was jealous, we thought about switching, thought about buying a new one, but decided to spend the money on an ipod instead. Palm went in the drawer. I revisited the issue every 6 months or so, but the new ones all seemed to cost more then I was willing to spend at the time and didn't seem to have the features I wanted. Then there was the debate as to wether or not I just wanted a treo for my next phone, did I really want to be that connected, was it really necessary, blah blah.
Well, I've been in a bit of an academic funk lately. My lists weren't working, I felt generally disorganized, unhappy with life, etc. Like I just didn't have a direction. There are a million reasons for this, all worthy of their own blog posts someday, but I'm rambling enough as it is. So after wasting a couple of days comparing all available PDAs on the market, I took the plunge and bought one. I LOVE IT. The color screen makes a huge difference. To-dos can be categorized, alarms set, big improvements have been made. I can get on the internet at any wireless hot spot (so all over campus!) Word and excel work like word and excel without the total loss of formatting I always experienced in version 1.0 of that software. Bluetooth hotsyncing so there are no extra cables. A rechargeable battery that so far hasn't needed a new charge (~1 week for you geeky types). I'm not entirely out of the funk yet, but I feel like I'm getting there. I did actually accomplish several things this week, and I'm finally moving forward on a couple of papers that have been languishing in limbo, so maybe it's coincidence or maybe it helped. I guess I'll never know!
Ok, so it's a truely random blog post, about something no one cares about, but typing something makes me feel better already. Funk seems to be clearing all around. :)
And because it's friday and because posts are boring without pictures, here's something I knit:
That's always been the problem with my brain. It works too fast. It's a little like mental ADD, but without that annoying symptom of not finishing a task (knitting basket doesn't count here) Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not. I've solved most of my most frustrating data problems in the shower, and have been known to sit down at the computer dripping wet testing out my "inspiration". For awhile I kept a notebook with me at all times and would try to jot down my thoughts, but the notes would get lost, or where to cryptic to decipher. Days later I'd find myself wondering what something like "morning darker yellow" meant, and what aspect of my life it could possibly relate too. And bam we're there. One of things I thought I should blog about. My new toy.
I love all things organizy. Always have. I was severely depressed when the Franklin Covey closed it's local store, but the internet saved me. I have a system. I have a planner, which I use pretty reliably for ~10 years now. I went the electronic route once before, about 6 years ago, I had a Palm M125. I know it's pretty old school now, but it was hip then. I loved it. I used it all the time...when I remembered to change the batteries that is. After a solid 3 years of use it just wasn't hacking it anymore, I was carrying both it and a paper planner and the palm just went away. Mostly because it did not have the ability to categorize my to do list. DH's handspring something or other did, I was jealous, we thought about switching, thought about buying a new one, but decided to spend the money on an ipod instead. Palm went in the drawer. I revisited the issue every 6 months or so, but the new ones all seemed to cost more then I was willing to spend at the time and didn't seem to have the features I wanted. Then there was the debate as to wether or not I just wanted a treo for my next phone, did I really want to be that connected, was it really necessary, blah blah.
Well, I've been in a bit of an academic funk lately. My lists weren't working, I felt generally disorganized, unhappy with life, etc. Like I just didn't have a direction. There are a million reasons for this, all worthy of their own blog posts someday, but I'm rambling enough as it is. So after wasting a couple of days comparing all available PDAs on the market, I took the plunge and bought one. I LOVE IT. The color screen makes a huge difference. To-dos can be categorized, alarms set, big improvements have been made. I can get on the internet at any wireless hot spot (so all over campus!) Word and excel work like word and excel without the total loss of formatting I always experienced in version 1.0 of that software. Bluetooth hotsyncing so there are no extra cables. A rechargeable battery that so far hasn't needed a new charge (~1 week for you geeky types). I'm not entirely out of the funk yet, but I feel like I'm getting there. I did actually accomplish several things this week, and I'm finally moving forward on a couple of papers that have been languishing in limbo, so maybe it's coincidence or maybe it helped. I guess I'll never know!
Ok, so it's a truely random blog post, about something no one cares about, but typing something makes me feel better already. Funk seems to be clearing all around. :)
And because it's friday and because posts are boring without pictures, here's something I knit:
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Etsy
Well. I FINALLY got around to putting some items in the etsy shop. My sister and I used to make and sell earrings, but were never able to get up enough inventory/time to do craft shows regularly. I found about 20 pairs still hanging around, so etsy it is. There are six pairs up now (most are hers, I was more the organizer and she was more the maker, several are mine though) , and maybe I'll get some more up later in the week.
edited: Email me or leave a comment with you're email if you're interested in seeing the shop. The username is less anonymous then I'd like my online profile to be (thanks for the reminder kate :) ) And earlier I was being too lazy to notice. So the next batch will be up under a different store name. Check back next week. For now, here are the pictures of what's for sale:
edited: Email me or leave a comment with you're email if you're interested in seeing the shop. The username is less anonymous then I'd like my online profile to be (thanks for the reminder kate :) ) And earlier I was being too lazy to notice. So the next batch will be up under a different store name. Check back next week. For now, here are the pictures of what's for sale:
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
On being humbled
Last week I had one of the scariest hours of my academic life. I am supervising a new graduate student who will be continuing some of my research and therefore using a lot of the data processing codes I wrote during my graduate career. He's at the point where he's just starting to learn how to convert the raw binary files to ascii and make pictures of the data. Not a quantitative analysis, but a qualitative one that really gives a good feel for the quality of the data, and what types of analysis you might want to do. He is also using the instrument in a new manner than we have in the past and so this step is crucial to understanding the different data format. Well...his pictures were all squished up. We went through all the possibilities, all the parts where his data could be different than mine, plotted, replotted, and all signs were pointing to a bug in the code. My code. The code I have used FOR EVERYTHING I HAVE PUBLISHED TO DATE. I started to feel sick to my stomach and sent him to lunch. For about an hour, I sat, I drew pictures, I checked the math, I checked the code, I plugged in my good data, I panicked and I forced back tears. It really was there, it was a bug, and it was wrong. The number of thoughts that rush through your head in a moment like that can't be counted. What was I going to do. Managing a McDonald's was becoming a real option. But how, my images weren't squished, my values were all right, they agreed with the physical setup of the field site, how could I have missed it, how could we all have missed it. After several deep breaths I shuffled over to my advisor's office and muttered out a "we have a problem", although the words weren't necessary because the look on my face was enough for him to say "what's wrong?" at the exact same time. We talked through it and he laughed at me. "Everyone needs and ego check now and then". Turns out the "bug" in relation to my data causes a maximum 4% error, in most of my papers it's really more like a 2% error. Making my maximum error of < 2 meters in an instrument with a 2.5 meter resolution. So, no mistake. Biggest sigh of relief ever. The error compounds at larger measurement angles, a 90% error at the angles of the new data...hence the squishing. Ego checked.
After that fiasco I came home and knit. It always calms me. Well, the stars must have been misaligned that day, because I cast on for a new project without checking the gauge. I've been burnt by this before so I typically check, but it was for a baby sweater, and you cast on just about as many stitches for a gauge swatch as you do for the project, so I thought what the hell. I knit a few rows and measured the gauge, it was about right, so off I went. Well about right is not right. On the left we have a the peapod sweater I knit for my soon to arrive nephew (still needs blocking and buttons) It is sized for ~3 months. The same age I was shooting for with the one on the right.
It was supposed to be a shower gift for friends that are having a baby in October. I was on a baby kick, so when the invitation came, I figured I could churn one out in time. Now it will be for little nephew to grow into. It's cotton so he should get use out of it during some season. Shower gift from the registry was delivered today.
Ego checked, and rechecked. Tell me, was I starting to get cocky? The universe seemed to think so. I was unaware.
After that fiasco I came home and knit. It always calms me. Well, the stars must have been misaligned that day, because I cast on for a new project without checking the gauge. I've been burnt by this before so I typically check, but it was for a baby sweater, and you cast on just about as many stitches for a gauge swatch as you do for the project, so I thought what the hell. I knit a few rows and measured the gauge, it was about right, so off I went. Well about right is not right. On the left we have a the peapod sweater I knit for my soon to arrive nephew (still needs blocking and buttons) It is sized for ~3 months. The same age I was shooting for with the one on the right.
It was supposed to be a shower gift for friends that are having a baby in October. I was on a baby kick, so when the invitation came, I figured I could churn one out in time. Now it will be for little nephew to grow into. It's cotton so he should get use out of it during some season. Shower gift from the registry was delivered today.
Ego checked, and rechecked. Tell me, was I starting to get cocky? The universe seemed to think so. I was unaware.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
"Just be nice"
I saw that on a bumper sticker today, and it had the opposite effect than what I think was intended. It made me very sad that people need to be reminded to "just be nice". I mean really, is that such a hard concept that we need bumper stickers proclaiming it. Then I remembered the time I was violently cut off by a car with the vanity plate "NO SOUL", and I realized that we do need to be reminded to "just be nice".
I think I'm more sensitive to this issue after returning from vacation. My vacation was FABULOUS. I mean who can complain with sunsets like this:
And mountain views like this:
But the real star of the trip were the people. People from many different cultures, but always with an infectious smile. People who live in conditions most American's find unbeleivable. No shoes, no electricity, no walls on the outside of the houses. People who are happier than anyone I know. No worries about being nice there. They know nothing different. They live in communities that help each other out. They live multi-generationally in one home. They welcome 20+ strangers for surprise visits into their homes. I think that we could learn something from this culture that we consider "under-developed" and "poor". They are richer than we will ever be.
Ok, off the soapbox. The trip was wonderful. Spending time with my father was wonderful. Seeing a new part of the world was wonderful. Forgetting I owned a cell phone and laptop was wonderful. I have billions of pictures and a gagillion good memories, and I feel great about all of it. If you ever have the chance to visit Peru, do it. Go on the Amazon, meet the people. Go see Macchu Pichhu and form you're own theories. Experience life!
But the real star of the trip were the people. People from many different cultures, but always with an infectious smile. People who live in conditions most American's find unbeleivable. No shoes, no electricity, no walls on the outside of the houses. People who are happier than anyone I know. No worries about being nice there. They know nothing different. They live in communities that help each other out. They live multi-generationally in one home. They welcome 20+ strangers for surprise visits into their homes. I think that we could learn something from this culture that we consider "under-developed" and "poor". They are richer than we will ever be.
Ok, off the soapbox. The trip was wonderful. Spending time with my father was wonderful. Seeing a new part of the world was wonderful. Forgetting I owned a cell phone and laptop was wonderful. I have billions of pictures and a gagillion good memories, and I feel great about all of it. If you ever have the chance to visit Peru, do it. Go on the Amazon, meet the people. Go see Macchu Pichhu and form you're own theories. Experience life!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
ahh now I see
My car choice was all wrong. Because apparently the PhD just won't do it all on it's own. I guess we'll just have to kick start that Mutang in the garage next time I get an interview!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
What to blog?
I don't know what I should blog about.
Should it be the very exciting news that I'm going to be an aunt?
Should it be on the progress of Ellen's Afghan? (6 out of 99 squares complete!)
Should it be something thought provoking and insightful on the plight of a post-doc looking for a job?
Should it be to blushingly admit the social scientist in the house might be right?
Should it be to warn of no posting for 2+ weeks while I go on vacation?
Well, how about that, I managed to blog them all!
Should it be the very exciting news that I'm going to be an aunt?
Should it be the flurry of knitting this news has brought on?
Should it be on the progress of Ellen's Afghan? (6 out of 99 squares complete!)
Should it be something thought provoking and insightful on the plight of a post-doc looking for a job?
Should it be to blushingly admit the social scientist in the house might be right?
Should it be to warn of no posting for 2+ weeks while I go on vacation?
Well, how about that, I managed to blog them all!
Friday, July 6, 2007
A sign
Is it time to leave work when you are still long enough for the automatic lights to shut off?
And come to think of it...who unplugged my fan?
And shut the windows?
hmmm? Weird day.
Anyways, I'm taking the automatic lights as a sign. If you are staring at something long enough for the lights to think you don't exist, it's time to move on. I think it's time to accept the reality that this manuscript will not get submitted before I leave for vacation. I'm still waiting to hear from other people on things, and the staring indicates to me that I really can't do it myself, no matter how hard I try. It's very hard to use data you didn't collect. Or, to use it well that is. I could very easily just plug in some numbers and output some others, but the numbers don't really make sense, and not being there puts me at a disadvantage in the interpretation process. Time to move on I suppose...
And come to think of it...who unplugged my fan?
And shut the windows?
hmmm? Weird day.
Anyways, I'm taking the automatic lights as a sign. If you are staring at something long enough for the lights to think you don't exist, it's time to move on. I think it's time to accept the reality that this manuscript will not get submitted before I leave for vacation. I'm still waiting to hear from other people on things, and the staring indicates to me that I really can't do it myself, no matter how hard I try. It's very hard to use data you didn't collect. Or, to use it well that is. I could very easily just plug in some numbers and output some others, but the numbers don't really make sense, and not being there puts me at a disadvantage in the interpretation process. Time to move on I suppose...
Saturday, June 30, 2007
All in a day's work...
I have been feeling very restless and unmotivated at work lately. Maybe because I'm in this weird limbo on a lot of projects waiting for responses from a lot of people and I don't feel like I'm going to get the papers out as soon as I had hoped, it's the way it is sometimes, but it can get disheartening to feel like you're standing still.
But, today, we had a full no plans weekend day. So we stayed at home and made some amazing accomplishments. I finished a knitting project that will be a birthday gift for someone, and this:
became this:
Not bad for a day's work.
And the best part. I FINALLY got to make use of my new hatchback.
It's amazing how finishing one thing can help motivate you to do another. I'm not dreading Monday quite so much now :)
But, today, we had a full no plans weekend day. So we stayed at home and made some amazing accomplishments. I finished a knitting project that will be a birthday gift for someone, and this:
became this:
Not bad for a day's work.And the best part. I FINALLY got to make use of my new hatchback.
It's amazing how finishing one thing can help motivate you to do another. I'm not dreading Monday quite so much now :)
Friday, June 29, 2007
Math vs. the social scientist*
We had to move our bed to a different wall when we put the window AC in earlier this week. Later in the week the following bedtime conversation ensued:
DH: I like the room like this, it gives us more space.
Me: It can't give us more space, the bed takes up the same amount of space and the room didn't get bigger.
DH: But see we have more space to move around.
Me: No we don't, it's just different space.
DH: Still, it seems like more.
Me: Yes, it seems like more, but actual areawise it can't be. The bed takes up the same footprint, moving it leaves the same amount of area free. Mathamatically it's the same amount of space.
DH: I know, but it seems like more
Me: Ah yes, but really it's perceived space, not real space
DH: I think that perception is reality
Me: No, that's why they have two different words and two different meanings.
DH: Let's go to sleep.
Me: Why?
At which point we decided this conversation was getting far too academic and philosophical for bedtime.
What do you think? Is our perception our reality, or do the laws of space and time have to hold true?
*this post is in no way an insult to social scientists, they provide an essential part of our world knowledge. I love mine with all my heart and his point of view different from my own is what makes my world complete and interesting.
DH: I like the room like this, it gives us more space.
Me: It can't give us more space, the bed takes up the same amount of space and the room didn't get bigger.
DH: But see we have more space to move around.
Me: No we don't, it's just different space.
DH: Still, it seems like more.
Me: Yes, it seems like more, but actual areawise it can't be. The bed takes up the same footprint, moving it leaves the same amount of area free. Mathamatically it's the same amount of space.
DH: I know, but it seems like more
Me: Ah yes, but really it's perceived space, not real space
DH: I think that perception is reality
Me: No, that's why they have two different words and two different meanings.
DH: Let's go to sleep.
Me: Why?
At which point we decided this conversation was getting far too academic and philosophical for bedtime.
What do you think? Is our perception our reality, or do the laws of space and time have to hold true?
*this post is in no way an insult to social scientists, they provide an essential part of our world knowledge. I love mine with all my heart and his point of view different from my own is what makes my world complete and interesting.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Flying needles
A bit of craftiness today.
I have a project that I've been working on but couldn't blog about because it was a gift. Yes, it was one of the many pairs of in progress socks. Since, I'm me and can't do anything simply. These socks became a PROJECT. The yarn and a pattern were a bit of an impulse buy, but perfect for my sister. She has some type of allergy to most tights and therefore can't wear tall boots and skirts. Being a very fashion forward individual, she finds this disturbing. Being a fan of the boots and skirt combo myself I emphasize. So when this kit went on sale at kpixie. I bought it. That soft alpaca...yum...knitting heaven.
So I knit, it's one of those nifty patterns that changes needle size to change gauge. I had the first two sizes, but not the 3rd. So when I got to that point, I ordered some new ones. They came. I knit. They had splinters. They snagged the yarn. I got a splinter in my finger. I sanded. I knit. :) I was well on my way to having these socks done WAY before her birthday. Then DH decided to vacuum. I was sitting across the room and suddenly, knitting needles were flying everywhere! Somehow, the yarn between the sock and the rest of the ball had gotten caught, and it ripped the two apart. :(
A problem yes, but fixable, just like joining a new ball, no problem. Until we discovered this:
Yes, that is about 90% of the remaining yarn, wrapped around the brush in our vacuum cleaner. After a lot of "oh no, oh no, oh no" we got it all off and mostly saved. Enough to finish the sock at least. What a mess! But as repayment DH wove in all the ends (now that there were extra I was a little cranky)
The end result was mostly pretty socks:
I have a project that I've been working on but couldn't blog about because it was a gift. Yes, it was one of the many pairs of in progress socks. Since, I'm me and can't do anything simply. These socks became a PROJECT. The yarn and a pattern were a bit of an impulse buy, but perfect for my sister. She has some type of allergy to most tights and therefore can't wear tall boots and skirts. Being a very fashion forward individual, she finds this disturbing. Being a fan of the boots and skirt combo myself I emphasize. So when this kit went on sale at kpixie. I bought it. That soft alpaca...yum...knitting heaven.
So I knit, it's one of those nifty patterns that changes needle size to change gauge. I had the first two sizes, but not the 3rd. So when I got to that point, I ordered some new ones. They came. I knit. They had splinters. They snagged the yarn. I got a splinter in my finger. I sanded. I knit. :) I was well on my way to having these socks done WAY before her birthday. Then DH decided to vacuum. I was sitting across the room and suddenly, knitting needles were flying everywhere! Somehow, the yarn between the sock and the rest of the ball had gotten caught, and it ripped the two apart. :(
A problem yes, but fixable, just like joining a new ball, no problem. Until we discovered this:
Yes, that is about 90% of the remaining yarn, wrapped around the brush in our vacuum cleaner. After a lot of "oh no, oh no, oh no" we got it all off and mostly saved. Enough to finish the sock at least. What a mess! But as repayment DH wove in all the ends (now that there were extra I was a little cranky)
The end result was mostly pretty socks:
Sunday, June 24, 2007
I'm back
I should be cleaning the house and paying the bills and weeding the garden. But travel always has this overwhelming effect on me. I'm tired, and I just want to let my brain go wherever it wants to go for a few hours. My mental health is too important, the house, the bills and the garden can wait. So I'm here in my PJ's with a cup of tea and my brain went to blogging. Probably because of the extended absence due to the lack of internet. I did compose a post yesterday about a particularly sexist comment made to me in a meeting, but I didn't finish and it didn't get posted. In retrospect it's kind of negative, and while I do think it's important for some people to understand, I don't feel like being negative today. Maybe I'll make it cheerier and post it another day.
So, my trip to Minneapolis. Was good. Here's my thoughts.
- It was a surprisingly lovely city.
-They like live music and British and Irish pubs. I enjoyed both.
- The city seems to have an aversion to free internet, none at the hotel, none at the convention center and none in the airport. I think this is a cultural thing because this is the first trip I've been on that I've experienced a situation where I could not get online at a least one of the above mentioned locations. (It should be noted that I did find a Panera Bread with free internet and it was like heaven, but my laptop chose to have some type of hiccup at that particular moment and refused to boot properly.)
- The world headquarters of Target is there. It's a big building.
- Auto flush toilets do not save water if they flush four times for every single use.
- Despite a very busy meeting schedule I did find a little time to make a pilgrimage:
now if I can just get that theme song out of my head...
So, my trip to Minneapolis. Was good. Here's my thoughts.
- It was a surprisingly lovely city.
-They like live music and British and Irish pubs. I enjoyed both.
- The city seems to have an aversion to free internet, none at the hotel, none at the convention center and none in the airport. I think this is a cultural thing because this is the first trip I've been on that I've experienced a situation where I could not get online at a least one of the above mentioned locations. (It should be noted that I did find a Panera Bread with free internet and it was like heaven, but my laptop chose to have some type of hiccup at that particular moment and refused to boot properly.)
- The world headquarters of Target is there. It's a big building.
- Auto flush toilets do not save water if they flush four times for every single use.
- Despite a very busy meeting schedule I did find a little time to make a pilgrimage:
now if I can just get that theme song out of my head...
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
still here...
I didn't die, nor did I lose my blogging momentum. I'm out of town at a hotel that charges $10/day for internet access and even though I can get reimbursed I won't pay it on principle. Seriously, you get free internet at Motel 6 these days, these high faluting places should fall in line. So I'm in the common internet room on a 15 minute limit (2 computers for 21 floors of guests...don't get me started) Line is starting...details later.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
The saga of Ellen's afghan
I realized my last two posts were a little ranty and not so much fun. I'm really not an unhappy person, there's just some things in the world that bother me and I think are important to share. Then I looked at my stats and they are way up. I think that many visitors are coming from ravelry. Since none are commenting that lack of crafty content is probably bothering them. So as to not scare anyone else away I have crafty content for today!
First, I have a confession. I have discovered so many WIPs in my house that I'm embarrassed to put them all up on ravelry. The site is great though and I'm glad I did put one long hibernating WIP up on it becuase now it's there everytime I log in and it gave me a little kick in the butt to work on it again.
So here it is: The story of Ellen's Afghan.
I try very hard to make things for big events in my friend's lives. Weddings, babies, etc. Not everyone who should get something gets something, it really just depends on my free time when they get married or pregnant. For example the year we went to 10 weddings, no one got anything. Same true for the 6 babies in 6 months. The projects that do get off the ground often get backlogged and delayed and delivered very late (like on 2nd anniversaries). Ellen's afghan is one of those projects. I designed it from the 200 Crochet Blocks book so that it would be as special as Ellen and her fiance. They are wonderful people and deserve a wonderful afghan. I picked out the yarn, test crocheted some squares, decided on a hook and was ready to roll. Then I went into dissertation mode and defense mode and nothing else exsisted in my life. Ellen's wedding was two weeks after I defended. And two weeks wasn't nearly enough time to finish and afghan. So I made a scrap book, detailing the whole process for her, and promised the afghan would follow. That was in September. I've finished one square since then. Ravelry has shamed me and square 2 was done this morning. This is the project I'm going to bring for the plane next week. We'll see how it goes. But I've doubled the size already!
First, I have a confession. I have discovered so many WIPs in my house that I'm embarrassed to put them all up on ravelry. The site is great though and I'm glad I did put one long hibernating WIP up on it becuase now it's there everytime I log in and it gave me a little kick in the butt to work on it again.
So here it is: The story of Ellen's Afghan.
I try very hard to make things for big events in my friend's lives. Weddings, babies, etc. Not everyone who should get something gets something, it really just depends on my free time when they get married or pregnant. For example the year we went to 10 weddings, no one got anything. Same true for the 6 babies in 6 months. The projects that do get off the ground often get backlogged and delayed and delivered very late (like on 2nd anniversaries). Ellen's afghan is one of those projects. I designed it from the 200 Crochet Blocks book so that it would be as special as Ellen and her fiance. They are wonderful people and deserve a wonderful afghan. I picked out the yarn, test crocheted some squares, decided on a hook and was ready to roll. Then I went into dissertation mode and defense mode and nothing else exsisted in my life. Ellen's wedding was two weeks after I defended. And two weeks wasn't nearly enough time to finish and afghan. So I made a scrap book, detailing the whole process for her, and promised the afghan would follow. That was in September. I've finished one square since then. Ravelry has shamed me and square 2 was done this morning. This is the project I'm going to bring for the plane next week. We'll see how it goes. But I've doubled the size already!
Friday, June 8, 2007
I'm getting all girlie...
I am becoming a feminist.
I've always been a feminist on some level. It was always one of those small self-identity things that was there, just not a big part of me. By the most basic definition of a feminist being one who beleives in equal rights for women, I think all women must be feminists. (I know that this is not true but I'd like to believe it is). So, it's always been there. I once did go see Gloria Steinman give a talk and found her truly inspiring. I didn't change my name when I got married. But I never really considered myself a "FEMINIST". You know what I mean...the ones with the bad raps. The ones who are vocal and almost unladylike about the cause. The ones without bras.
To me, believing in equal rights was enough, fighting for them was too much. I always just figured I'd get through it. That the need for feminism would dye out with time, the world would get more welcoming as older generations moved pass and the bulk of the population had grown up in a more enlightened time. During my years of engineering education, I did realize that I was a minority, but I mostly just ignored it. I encountered a few old school professors that gave me a hard time and I chalked it up to a generational gap, a few classmates from cultures and religions that don't respect women well and just let it slide. I had a rare uppity moment, but mostly just let it fly by and grew a tough skin. I refused to join the women only societies because I believed they were making the problem worse. To me, excluding men was just as bad and bringing the problem to light actually made the problem worse in some ways. I guess I mostly just developed selective hearing and went about my studies. Don't get me wrong, the occasional tear was shed, there was a burden to bear, I didn't enjoy the situation, but it was what it was.
During my master's program it got harder, there were fewer women, and I found the state I was in to be less liberal then the northeast where I had grown up and done my BS. The lack of women was probably a factor in my decision to leave engineering and switch to science. Not a major factor, not THE factor, but it was a consideration. I found my PhD program more welcoming, from a grad student perspective at least. I felt well-respected by my peers and faculty and I was no longer self conscious about being a women. The comfort I felt was probably a small factor in my staying in that same department to be a post-doc.
Now, in the limbo-land of post-doc, I am suddenly acutely aware of my being a women and the different treatment I receive because of it. And, I'm becoming more vocal about it. And more pissed off about it. In the last three years we have hired two new faculty, both male, one of whom has been fairly anti-female. I'm running into some major problems with a collaborator from another country who will tell me I'm wrong, ignore my work, or worse yet do it over. But will praise the same techniques when presented to him by my advisor. I'm finding the prevailing attitude to be that I'm only doing this to bide my time until my husband finishes his degree. I think Am I a Women Scientist states it best in her profile. "if you ever forget that you’re a woman, someone will always be around to remind you."
So why? What is up with the world? Why is this anti-lady attitude making a comeback in young PhDs? Was I right that all the feminism pissed them off too much? Will it get better? Why should I stick it out?
So I'm a feminist. While this self discovery is a good thing. I'm note sure it's a great thing. On some level, I'm becoming paranoid. I've started to attribute almost every action that offends me as an anti-feminine gesture. I'm touchy and uppity and a bit mouthy about it. This is not helpful. This behavior makes it worse for others who follow. But without a little uppitiness can it get better? What's the balance?
The feminist in me is part of the reason for the new blog, without my real identity attached. I think these thoughts are important to share, but I can't share them without fear of repercussions in my non-blog life. The parts that make me whole seem to be socially incompatible. Maybe by writing about them I'll change those social perceptions. I can be a feminist who knits. I can be a wife with a career. I can be a scientist who wears a bra. The rules of decades past need not apply anymore.
I've always been a feminist on some level. It was always one of those small self-identity things that was there, just not a big part of me. By the most basic definition of a feminist being one who beleives in equal rights for women, I think all women must be feminists. (I know that this is not true but I'd like to believe it is). So, it's always been there. I once did go see Gloria Steinman give a talk and found her truly inspiring. I didn't change my name when I got married. But I never really considered myself a "FEMINIST". You know what I mean...the ones with the bad raps. The ones who are vocal and almost unladylike about the cause. The ones without bras.
To me, believing in equal rights was enough, fighting for them was too much. I always just figured I'd get through it. That the need for feminism would dye out with time, the world would get more welcoming as older generations moved pass and the bulk of the population had grown up in a more enlightened time. During my years of engineering education, I did realize that I was a minority, but I mostly just ignored it. I encountered a few old school professors that gave me a hard time and I chalked it up to a generational gap, a few classmates from cultures and religions that don't respect women well and just let it slide. I had a rare uppity moment, but mostly just let it fly by and grew a tough skin. I refused to join the women only societies because I believed they were making the problem worse. To me, excluding men was just as bad and bringing the problem to light actually made the problem worse in some ways. I guess I mostly just developed selective hearing and went about my studies. Don't get me wrong, the occasional tear was shed, there was a burden to bear, I didn't enjoy the situation, but it was what it was.
During my master's program it got harder, there were fewer women, and I found the state I was in to be less liberal then the northeast where I had grown up and done my BS. The lack of women was probably a factor in my decision to leave engineering and switch to science. Not a major factor, not THE factor, but it was a consideration. I found my PhD program more welcoming, from a grad student perspective at least. I felt well-respected by my peers and faculty and I was no longer self conscious about being a women. The comfort I felt was probably a small factor in my staying in that same department to be a post-doc.
Now, in the limbo-land of post-doc, I am suddenly acutely aware of my being a women and the different treatment I receive because of it. And, I'm becoming more vocal about it. And more pissed off about it. In the last three years we have hired two new faculty, both male, one of whom has been fairly anti-female. I'm running into some major problems with a collaborator from another country who will tell me I'm wrong, ignore my work, or worse yet do it over. But will praise the same techniques when presented to him by my advisor. I'm finding the prevailing attitude to be that I'm only doing this to bide my time until my husband finishes his degree. I think Am I a Women Scientist states it best in her profile. "if you ever forget that you’re a woman, someone will always be around to remind you."
So why? What is up with the world? Why is this anti-lady attitude making a comeback in young PhDs? Was I right that all the feminism pissed them off too much? Will it get better? Why should I stick it out?
So I'm a feminist. While this self discovery is a good thing. I'm note sure it's a great thing. On some level, I'm becoming paranoid. I've started to attribute almost every action that offends me as an anti-feminine gesture. I'm touchy and uppity and a bit mouthy about it. This is not helpful. This behavior makes it worse for others who follow. But without a little uppitiness can it get better? What's the balance?
The feminist in me is part of the reason for the new blog, without my real identity attached. I think these thoughts are important to share, but I can't share them without fear of repercussions in my non-blog life. The parts that make me whole seem to be socially incompatible. Maybe by writing about them I'll change those social perceptions. I can be a feminist who knits. I can be a wife with a career. I can be a scientist who wears a bra. The rules of decades past need not apply anymore.
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