Baby Yours

A little while back, the world welcomed a new baby. At the time I was embarrassed to admit that I had not hand crafted anything for the little tyke. Not only was he the child of one of my best friends, but the child of a knitter too. Oh the shame. It wasn't that I hadn't planned ahead. Within hours after finding out he was coming I publicly announced that baby knitting would ensue*. Within days I had dragged the grad student I was staying with to the local Hobby Lobby to search for something that I could make, and this beauty was both in my Rav queue and the pattern was purchased. I would not knit, I would crochet! I'm faster at it anyways, and Noah's Ark is just perfect for this recipient! But I was squatting in a grad apartment miles away and I was already going to have to ship stuff home since the travel plans had changed from driving back to flying back, and more yarn didn't fit into that plan at that exact moment. It's ok, I have plenty of time.

May: Orlando, New Mexico, Job Offer, home finally, for a week. It's ok, I have plenty of time.
June: Stockholm, Boulder, house hunting, car accident, house on the market, yarn is being packed. It's ok, I have plenty of time.
July: Packing, providence, house hunting, visiting, finishing post-doc. It's ok, I crochet fast.
August: Well, I don't really know what happened to August. We started it off there and now we're here. There was a trip to the craft store somewhere in there, but I didn't bring the pattern, didn't know how much, what colors, etc. The magazine had been packed somewhere...
September: Hurricane, back to to the field, setting up an office, unpacking boxes. Not ok, I don't have time.
October: The blanket just isn't happening, what else can I make....


Well this particular baby lives in Texas, and he'll be heading home to a cold New England for the Holidays, and it seemed wholely appropriate for him to be wrapped in Christmasy goodness of wool.

Here we go.
Pattern: Baby Yours, by Stephanie Pearl McPhee (aka Yarn Harlot)
Yarn: Lorna's Laces Shepard Sport color cranberry (under two skeins) purchased on ebay from emtnestr
Needles: US Size 4
Size: 6 Months, I made the bigger size sort of just on feel since I haven't seen the kid yet in person, and I'd rather it be a little big than too small.
Buttons:purchases at my LYS.


This pattern was easy to follow and quick to knit. That's the really great things about kids being so small. The yarn is gorgeous, it's a "solid" but it has beautiful tonal changes in it. It is soft and squishy and wonderful to work with. I've heard lorna's referred to as the yarn equivalent of crack, and I'll admit that it could become an addiction. It did shed quite a bit of color when I wet blocked it, but everytime I've worked with a red yarn that has been the case. I think that where I sewed the sleeves to the body it's a little wonky, but I'm critical of things like that in my own knitting. I'm in general not a big fan of cabling, but on a small item like this, the cables were just enough to keep me interested, and not too much to annoy me.
Overall I hope that the little guy likes it. Hubby says it looks like an old school Star Trek uniform. While I'm not that big of a fan, I'm sure that the parents will appreciate the similarities.

*Side note: scrolling through some of those old posts is giving me a new appreciation for my current situation, one home is so much better then that chaos of last spring.

Happy Birthday Nathan!

My nephew turns one today! I can't be there to celebrate, and that makes me a bit sad. He is by far the cutest kid in the world and I can't wait to go home an hug him in person, rather than waving at him through the video chat. His party will be happening as this post goes live, so I'm publicly sharing my love to feel involved.

One year is a big milestone in a little guys life, and I could not let it go unmarked without gifting the way I know best. With a little homemade love.
Our new house has a fabulous space for me to sew. I'm loving it!!! I started this quilt when my sister was pregnant *hangs head in shame*. I know that I'm a very slow quilter, and I have sporadic problems with my sewing machine and sewing space, so I don't usually make "gift" quilts. Babies grow faster than I can quilt. That may change with my new set up, but we'll see. The fabric for this one was a complete impulse purchase which deluded me into thinking I could finish a quilt in time for his arrival. One of those cute little packs of fat quarters in coordinating fabrics that you just have to have and three hours later you are walking out of the fabric store having finally found enough of the other fabrics to actually let you complete the project...



Almost all of the blocks were actually pieced before he was born, and well, it just didn't happen. So here it is in time for the birthday. Happy birthday buddy. Some crafts from Auntie and Some Rock n' Roll from Uncs. Party on little dude. Love ya!

An Early Christmas Miracle

I just found my Christmas spirit, and feel just a little less displaced.

The Two Body Problem

Here. We. Go.

For those non-academic types who read this blog, let's start with a definition. The Two Body Problem is what the academic world refers to as what results from the marriage of one PhD to another PhD. I'm using "marriage" here as an all encompassing term which includes, but is not limited to civil union, committed relationship, life partner or any legal or not legal term indicating the commitment of two PhDs to spend the social/non-professional aspects of their lives together.

Some of you unfamiliar with the Two Body Problem may be asking yourselves, what is this crazy girl talking about? Marriages are not a "problem". Ah yes, in the normal world a marriage is generally a good thing, it promotes happiness among the members, in some cases procreates the species, and fosters love and understanding in a society which could use more of that. You see, it's not the marriage per se that is the problem. Smart people, even those who have been silly enough to spend years in school and get a PhD, generally recognize the benefits of marriage, as long as it it with another non-PhD. In fact, I've had more than one full professor tell me that I better find a wife if I plan to get tenure. Wife in this case meaning someone who will take care of all the non-academic aspects of my life, because while on the tenure track we should be so focused on our work that we need someone who will remind us to perform normal functions like eating and bathing. Personally, I have always managed to eat and bathe at regular intervals, although I will admit that what consitutes a meal in my world would not be considered so by "normal" people standards.


The Two Body Problem, refers not to the actual union of PhDs, but to the academic worlds inability to be flexible enough to allow for the employment of both members of the union. Don't believe this could actually be a problem? Think that we just find jobs like the rest of the world? Well, we don't. I invite you to read all of my prior posts concerning the topic of my own job search. Don't want to take my word for it? Don't. Take theirs or theirs or theirs. Don't think it's a big problem? Well there's been books written about it, and the statistics are staggering. I'll let you google around a bit and not bore you with the numbers.

So if it's so well known why am I bothering to write about it? Well, because it's on my mind, and it's my blog to talk about what's on my mind. I don't have any solutions. I have ideas, but no solutions. I'm not going to give advice, for two reasons: 1) we haven't figured it out yet so I have none to give and 2) none of the advice given to me has done any good so I'm not sure good advice exists. I guess I'm just putting some personal thoughts and experiences out there in the hopes that someone will gain something from it. Also, our current situation may jade the conversation a little bit, so you are fairly warned. Since this post is pretty long as it is, I'm going to let it serve as merely an introduction and a bit of a blog interactive process.

Over the next few weeks I'm planning posts on the following topics.
1) Options commonly presented to two-body couples and my thoughts on their practicality.
2) What Universities are/should be doing about the two-body problem and where I think they are failing.

and...here's were we get interactive...what do you want to hear about? Is there something that you want to know about becoming a two-body problem? Something I might know, something I might want to consider/research/explore. Leave a comment. I'd love to know what others think up front.

oops

I just realized I never changed my address on my Interweave Knits subscription. I thought I had, but it turns out I didn't. I've been awaiting the latest issue and when many finished projects started popping up on Ravelry it finally occurred to me that I might have screwed up. Well, let's hope that the postal service will forward it. :(

Pre posting

I'm on a crafting kick lately that involves very cute knits for very cute kids. All packages will be going in the mail this week, and all recipients read the blog fairly regularly, so I've written the posts up and scheduled them to go live, hopefully, after the packages arrive. That leaves me with nothing great to say right now, so don't despair, my lovely readers, there will be knitting soon....

The Universe always provides

Just a quick check-in. Today is much better than yesterday. I had an absolutely lovely lunch with another knitter who is also a physicist, so she's as cool as they come in my book. A leisurely lunch with great conversation was just so normal on a day like today that is was perfect. Well, almost normal, we did eat outside on the day before Thanksgiving. I will adapt to this weather eventually.

Top that off with some encouraging news from a granting agency, not an award just yet, but not a rejection either, and not the make you want to cry kind of reviews, but the kind of letter that says could you fix a few things for us, which in this game is encouraging. It's a biggy too, the kind that would get my Co-PI's tenure when they go up next year, and give me instant cache around here, so encouraging is really exciting news.

And, just this morning I finally broke through the wall on my next paper. There is still a lot of work to do, but I now have a vision/road map in my mind, rather than just a jumble of numbers, it's the turning point on any paper and the rest is hard work, but not the kind where you feel like you are banging your head against a wall. Sometimes science is a mystery to even scientists.


So the world stays in balance. The way I like it. :)

Displaced

This is the third time I've started this post. I can't seem to say what I want to say in a way that isn't rude. As a general rule I try not to be rude. I'm trying, to be more positive in my life and negativity just doesn't really have a place. I'm also trying to not make this blog a whine fest. But I'm so agitated and I feel like what I have to say is important, but I can't make it not sound like whining, or like I'm being rude.

Here's what I'm feeling: I HATE IT HERE! EVERYONE SUCKS. NO ONE IS NICE AND THEY MAKE EVERYTHING HARDER THAN IT HAS TO BE.

See, whining, rude and generalizing. All counter productive. To be fair, not everyone sucks. The knitters are nice. They're the only people I actually know, so maybe if I knew more people I would think that the balance of sucks to nice was tipped to the nice, or at least balanced. But everyone it sort of mean right off the bat, making it very hard to get to know more people, it's a circular problem.

I guess maybe what I can say is some general advice to humanity. When someone starts off a conversation with "I'm new to the area" we should all respond as the bestest nicest most helpful person we know how to be. We should take a moment and put ourselves in the shoes of someone who feels isolated, scared and alone all the time, and respond appropriately. Inappropriate phrases include: "You're in xxxx now", "why would you want to do that", and "I can't understand you're accent". Saying things of this nature do nothing to foster good feelings towards you as an individual, or your culture in general. It is not easy, for someone to move somewhere new, and find that even the simplest tasks, like making a Drs appointment*, are somehow beyond their capability. Let's all try to be a little sympathtic to our fellow humans and do our part to make the world a better place. It's the holiday's y'all, spread a little cheer, and remember YOU have an accent too.

Alright, so I can't say it without being Snarky. Oh well, in the end it's my blog, don't read it if you think I'm terrible.

* I did manage to make the appointment after spelling my name about 15 times. Apparently X-ray and Xylophone are not the best words to get across X in a New Englander's accent. Anybody else know one I could use? And Sam and Charlie are how you would get across S and C right? And why wouldn't it be normal to have my old medical records forwarded? What Dr. wouldn't want them? I am now consummed with fear of actual going...

Fall Begins

Ugh, why does the camera cord go missing everytime you want to upload pictures?

Anyways, I managed a crazy workaround so that I can show you what I was up to all of October. Knitting a sweater faster than I ever have before. I skipped NaNoSweMo this year because I did it a month early. It was one of those things that just consumed me and I did not knit anything else. I'm blaming the yarn, and the need to feel like fall was upon us even though the weather and the calendar were at odds with one another for this displaced New Englander. I'm calling is my Fall Begins sweater for a couple of reasons. First I cast on on October 10th, which is (in my old world) the beginning of fall, which I completely missed this year. Fall really invoked the homesick chez Science and Craft. Second, I finished on Halloween, which was very weird around here, since kids didn't have to wear jackets over their costumes, but there was a little chill in the air that made me feel like it might eventaully get below 70 here.

Here's the deal:
Pattern: Summer's End free on Ravelry from Overbrewed.
Yarn: Classic Elite Skye Tweed (Rav). color Dungeon (1275), just under 9 balls. Sadly this is the last of my stash of this discontinued yarn. I bought it at Webs 2 years ago with the intention of making a scarf. Why I bought a sweater's worth I don't know, but it was a happy accident in this case.
Needles: US size 7 and 5. I went down a size from the pattern based on my cobblestone swatches, it worked out ok.
Size: Small. This was not the size I initially choose based on my measurements, but when I thought about the number of stitches that I had just used for hub's sweater, and considering the ratio of him to me I went with the small. I compenstated in the chest area with some short rows.
Mods:

• The short rows obviously.
• I lengthed the sleeves to be full length (16" instead of the pattern designated 12").
• I added two rows of garter stitch more than the hems called for, same at the waistband. At the hems because I wanted them to match the button bands. At the waist because I thought it might provide a little more shaping, it didn't.
• 3 button holes instead of four. This was dictated by the buttons I had on hand. 4 would have been overkill.

Thoughts: Overall I'm pretty happy with it. In retrospect I would have added about another inch between the short rows and underarm. But it works ok on.

And here's one more thing, I had another ball of the yarn leftover and I just wasn't done working with it: So I made a little hat. Following this pattern, minus the pom poms and ribbing. I'll never wear the two together, that violates all kinds of fashion and knitting rules, but we did combine the photo shoots :)

Fortunately, it did get a little chilly here over the weekend and I got to wear the hat for all of 10 minutes at a shuttle stop. The sweater made the trip to Utah with me a couple of weeks ago and it saw snow, so I don't yet feel that I have to completely abandon my love for wool!

ready made blog post

I've been feeling guilty about not posting lately. I have completed knitting, but no pictures yet. I can't think of any good products to talk about because Renee has cornered that in her "product of the week" segment. (I'm the mysterious friend btw). I have some book reviews that I want to write, but not the time to do it justice. I have some academic anecdotes, but well, they're only pseudo-bloggable. But I don't want to leave you all hanging. So when I saw this on Erika's blog I thought, what the hell. I'll check in quickly and give you all something to mull over.

Here you go my blog says I'm:

ISTP - The Mechanics

The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generally prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts. The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters.



Other than that policeman and firefighter thing, the personality is not entirely off. I'd like to think that I'm a little more complicated than that, but it does make sense given that I've discuss science and engineering more than once on the blog. I've never taken (to my knowledge) the real test, so I don't have basis for comparison. I did take the children's version once in grad school, my roommate was a school pysch major and I was a test subject. Taking the test that is written for a child when you are in your early 20's doesn't exactly give accurate results so, no real comparison there either.

I also found this interesting:


Do I talk alot about habits? I would have liked to think that I use more of my brain that that neat-o graphic shows...

A reason to change my name?

Did you? If not go. The internet will be here when you get back. This was the first time voting in the new state. We got up a little early and walked to our polling place not really knowing what to expect. There has been a lot of talk about long lines and that we should have early voted, neither of which were ever problems or options that I knew of in the old state. I've been feeling a bit fish out of water like down here in the South over the past few days, so I have to admit for the first time in my life I had a little trepidation about going to the polls.

So we wore comfy shoes and walked to the polls. When we arrived there was one very long line coming out the door. A women in front of us left saying she would come back, I cringed a little bit thinking that she might not come back and not voting is a crime in my book. Then there was some confusion. Turns out there were actually three lines, not one, and they were labeled only by district number nothing else distinguishing, and even that was a bit fuzzy on which line was which. How do you know your district number? It's on your registration card. I promptly pulled my card out of my purse located the number and we were in the right line. Which, was unfortunate because it was a much longer line. Folks around us realized the didn't have their cards, there's a number to call. Cell phones appeared from everywhere as people started dialing the registrar of voters line, which was busy. Then there was a lot of calling home to husbands/wives/mothers/roommates. There was another call of how do I find my number and I pulled out our cards again to show the women in front of us where the district number was. This time I pulled out hubby's card. Whoops. We're in the wrong line. No wait. We are in two different districts? What!? We live in the same house! We're married. Hubby went off to see what was up while I held our place in line, which early reports were saying took 1.5 hours, which was a bit odd because it was 7:25 and the polls opened at 6.

Turns out we're not in different districts in the sense we are used to using the term. We have the same reps and the same polling location and what not. District A is people with last names begining with A-K and District B is people with last names L-Z. Since I never changed my name we straddle that line, and officially belong to different districts, which really just means different lines when you vote. Hubby's line took 25 minutes less than mine, although he kindly waited in the school's lobby so we could walk home together.

Anyways, in the end we voted, as did everyone else there. Which is what really matters. I would have liked to see the process go a little more smoothly, but our voices were heard on the big matters today. Sadly, however, we didn't get the "I voted" stickers like we did back home. I missed the stickers, so I'm giving myself one on the blog. (I stole it from some other random blog so hopefully it's not copyrighted or anything).


On another, related note. Paul's post about campaigning gave me a warm fuzzy feeling as I remembered a moment from my youth. I, as Paul did, once stood on a street corner waving a sign and chanting a slogan of some sort, and cheering when someone beeped at us. My whole family did. All four of us, with hand painted signs and matching T-shirts. It wasn't for a presidential campaign, or even a state election, or an election at all. But a referedum on the school budget. One that wanted to cut art, music and foreign language from the cirriculum (or something equally abhorrent) and one we severely opposed. Or at least my parents did, so as a pre-teen I did too. Looking back as a free thinking adult, I'd stand on the corner again today.*

We have a family picture of us that day up somewhere in our house admist vaction photos, graduation photos, awards and the general trappings of a family life, there we are in those "Teacher's make a difference" T-shirts that only came in grown up size. My sister didn't have braces yet and I didn't have contacts and my mom would probably say "well that was the style" about her haircut. I can only imagine we won because the picture was put in a frame and has stuck around all these years. But either way, I know I was part of something that day. Part of something bigger than me. We all have that opportunity today, to be part of something bigger than ourselves. To be part of something that makes this country great. I didn't campaign for my candidate, I didn't even put up a lawn sign. Maybe I should have, maybe next time I will. Or maybe I won't find the time. It's easy to let things go by in favor of the other busy moments of our life, and there is nothing wrong with that. But at the very least we can all take the time to cast our votes. So go, now. The blog will be here when you get back. I promise.

* it's quite possible that it was the version of the budget that finally supported the arts and we were for it, it was almost 20 years ago so the details are a bit fuzzy...either way the feeling of the memory stands.

Some housekeeping

First, thanks for your comments yesterday. I'm not the only one who thinks that professional and private lives should be kept apart and that's good to know. I fired off that post yesterday to just get some thoughts out there and out of my head, to give some tidbits on what it's like to be a new faculty, sadly it's not all science all the time. I think I'm going to let it lie for a little while. Taking on extra responsibilities pre-tenure is something everyone discourages. Tenure committees think that it is all science all the time. Should I decide to take on this particular service task I think the most obvious solution is to start new profiles for my professional online me, which is do-able, everywhere except facebook, since my current facebook account is in fact my real live name, when I joined 5 years ago I wasn't really savy to what facebook was going to become. I am, however, going to lobby that this is why we have a web programmer on staff...

I also think the incident served to remind me of something I had been trying hard to forget. I not only face the prejudices of sex, but those of age as well. A double whammy for a new faculty. Also a fact that I think hinders academia a little, where else in the world is 30 not considered a full fledged adult, but rather the magic portal to youth?

Anyways, I have been remiss. There is some good news to share. The world is a little cuter this week, and just in time too, the news was helping us reach our ugly quota. I want to extend a warm welcome to Fran Jr., I wanted to knit, I really did, but your mother's stubbornness hindered gender appropriate knitting, so I issue a public apology for being remiss. You are still loved and welcome and downright adorable. And, as you are the only baby that is in feasible driving distance these days I hope to meet you in person soon. :)

Going Public with Me

I just got back from a faculty meeting. One of the joys of being a faculty is the faculty meeting (insert sarcastic tone). Fortunately, I'm still new, we have a small faculty, and only meet once a month, so our brand of meeting isn't as bad as it could be. I'm not privy to the politics so maybe I'm still immune a bit. Thus far, I've been relative quiet at the meetings, although I started to talk some more today. We cover a lot of topics in the 1.5 hour meeting, most of which I have little to no opinion on or have little relevance to my current life. As I become more integrated with the department that will change, but for right now, I'm quite comfortable with my new girl status.

Until it became the center piece of the conversation.

We are having trouble recruiting graduate students. Our enrollment is down this year and for a variety of reasons that's not a good thing. We were discussing our options for recruitment strategies when one of the faculty members said something to the effect of, well we'll have to get Dr. Rini to get us involved in all the new technology out there, you know facebook and twitter and my space and what not.

I should probably mention I'm the youngest faculty by 10+ years.

There was alot of "what's twitter" and "oh yes, thats why we hired a young person" talk that ensued. I explained twitter. I do occasionally but infrequently twitter. I also have a facebook account, which I have been using to keep in touch with friends, although I'm not a heavy facebook user either, and yes I do have a blog. The thing is, I don't want either of these things to become part of my professional life.

I know that some faculty have had sucess with facebook as a tool, and I don't disagree that it can be used appropriately. I don't, however, beleive that a faculty who had facebook as a student can transition her social network to a professional network. I fall into this latter category. My students and colleagues don't need to know that my friends gifted me a can of whoop ass or see picture of me at my nephews baptism. My facebook behavior is not illegal, immoral or anything that can get me fired, it's just not a side of my life the needs to intersect with my academic life. My facebook life grows because of my friends activities and not necessarily because of mine. Do I have to call everyone up and say "hey I really need you to censor your facebook life because mine needs to be professionally acceptable". Same is true of my twitter. I twitter so my friends from far away can feel connected to me and I to them. And the blog, well, the blog is anonymous for a reason.

For a long time I didn't use facebook at all, because of these very reasons. Now that I live 1500 miles away from everyone I know I've started to use it more, but my security settings are on super high. Thus far I've found that it is a good balance for me. I'm not sure how to integrate it with a professional twist. I'm not sure I want to try. As far as twitter, I could set up another account, I suppose I could start a professional real me blog as well. In the end I suggested that the department set up a blog, where the current graduate students and faculty could post about what we're doing, what we want to do etc. I think that it might be a good solution, but it made me think a little about this stuff.

So I want to know how the rest of you feel? Do you live a split personality in reality and if so do you live one online too? I'm not sure I'm ready to maintain another public me.

blog action day

Something I miss every year is blog action day. Every year Paul has something very smart and interesting to say, and I think to myself, I should also have something smart and interesting to say, but I have a hard time being smart and interesting on demand. (I think I used up all that power in all of those interviews earlier in the year)

Today is not much different, and last night I actually was thinking that I might write a post today about the debates, because that whole anyone can teach with out those pesky qualifying tests remark really got to me. Really John, anyone can teach? Being in the military qualifies you to teach? Come wrangle a classroom for a day dude. ANY classroom and see how well you do. Students are not soldiers. I'm going to stop before I say something I regret. Let's just leave it at this, to me, it was the most important moment of the debate and, it's been lost among all the Joe the plumber talk. Education is an issue that has been largely ignored in this race, and one that is near and dear to my heart. Maybe it will be next year's blog action topic.

Anyways, poverty. I haven't really spent much time thinking about poverty. We are not poor by any standards, although the budget is pretty tight right now. Tight is relative. One salary, two mortgages and some school loans also doesn't make us well-off. We fall somewhere in between, which I guess counts a middle class. That's not to say that we don't feel the pressure knowing that our current situation is not sustainable for much longer, but we also recognize that this life (the academic one) was a choice we made and we were lucky to have the means to make it. I could be an engineer, making more than twice what I make now. I have the training and the certifications, I chose not to use them. That being said, it is sometimes hard to not feel sorry for ourselves and to feel the stress of the zero-sum balance at the end of every paycheck.

Being wrapped up in my own life, as we all are, it's hard to remember that others are having an even harder time. I guess that's what blog action day is all bout though, making us remember.



At times in my life I have been fortunate to visit other parts of the world where poverty is a completely different situation than the one we have here in the US. On both occasions what struck me the most was how different cultures deal with different things. This is a working school, I mean can you imagine? But, I maintain that the multiple generations of family members living in a hut smaller than our "spare" bedroom are happier people than the wealthiest Americans you could find. Core values are different in different places and wealth is not necessarily one of them.


Here in America, I have recently relocated from a wealthy state to a poor state. From one with one of the lowest poverty rates to one with one of the highest. My perspective has changed. What lesson can I expound to blog readers about poverty? The one I learned during my first hurricane season. I may not be able to afford to replace my ruined pants this month, but I also didn't have to spend hours in a FEMA line waiting for food or water. I am lucky, many others are not. This does not make them bad people, or lazy people, or less deserving people. They are people. People like you and me who are trying to navigate in a society that values looking out for number one and no one else. It is not the value that makes every kid that attends this one room school house have a smile on their face everyday. Maybe we can learn something from these poor societies. Maybe a culture that values people more than it values wealth is one we could all start to strive for.

A punishable offense

One of the random things I'm finding difficult about my new(ish) professor status and my new climate is my attire. When you are 5'2", and the youngest member of your faculty by almost a decade, dressing age appropriate, professional and comfortable all at once can be a challenge. I have been mistaken for a new student at least half a dozen times since I've been here, and been complimented on my attire just as many other times. I'm at about a 50% success rate if you ask me. I think of this as one of those little things that women deal with and men don't. On it's own, it's not a really big deal, but alot of those little things add up to a pile more of stress that a woman TT prof deals with and a man doesn't.

Anyways, given the unknown appropriateness factor, coupled with a body type that is not the one most clothing companies design for an a very limited budget, and it's a struggle. Don't get me wrong, I like to shop, so it hasn't been too much of a burden, just something extra on my plate.

I found myself in need of some new shoes. Brown flats that could work with skirts and pants, and weren't too tall to make my pants look like the wrong length, but weren't too flat to make them drag on the floor. That also were comfortable enough to get around campus without falling on my face. I searched for awhile and finally settled on a pair I liked. I ordered them, they came and I'm quite happy with them.

Well, on Thursday, I wore them to work for the first time. Somewhere between the office and the vending machine I apparently stepped in gum! A really gooey nasty wad of gum. That in and of itself would usually be bad enough. I, however, was so engrossed in my world, that I did not know that this gum was on my shoe, and settled in on my nice chair, to read a journal article...with the gummed shoe tucked nicely under my butt. Sitting like this is an awful habit I just can't seem to break. I'm 30, I know better, but I do it anyways. I figure it's less offensive than some bad habits (like the improper dispoal of gum), so whatever.

So here we are, gum shoe and butt of my favorite pair of pants all merged on the chair for the 20 minutes it takes for me to read the article. I'm glad no one was around to see what happened when I tried to get up and all of the above components were rather stuck together. Chair is ruined, pants are probably ruined, and my loving husband spent some considerable time saving the shoes so they survived.

The next politician to support a ban on gum like the one in Singapore has my full support!

Cobblestone

A finished knit!

And a perfect fit! The whole time I was knitting I was so worried it would be too small, but I trusted my gauge swatch and it was all good.

When I updated my ravelry project page on this one it came to my attention that it took me a VERY long time to knit it. I'm blaming it on the travel. This sweater was knit in at least 4 different states and I recall at least three airplanes. Geez it's been a long year!

Here's the stats:

Pattern: Cobblestone by Jared Flood from Interweave Knits, Fall 07 (issue is sold out, but you can buy the pattern on it's own)
Yarn: Classic Elite Skye Tweed, color 1243, purchased when it was on closeout at webs shortly after the issue came out. I used just over 11 balls. The pattern calls for exactly 11 for the size I knit. I did also knit 3 swatches, so that ate up a little yarn, but in my opinion, 11 won't make it.
Needles: US Size 5. This is two sizes smaller than the pattern calls for. I consistently need to do this with patterns from interweave. I don't know why.

Notes: This is a really great pattern, which is obvious by the number of people who have knit it. I did make one mistake, after it was sitting for a long time I confused myself with my weird knitting technique (sometimes I knit regular, sometimes it knit like this...sometime I'll tell you why), and I did a single round of the underarm garter band as stockinette. It's barely noticeable and hub said not to pull it out, so I didn't.



This is my first yoked sweater, it is was fun to do a new construction, and hurray for no seams! Also, once I got to the yoke, it occured to me that this yarn was a perfect candidate for spit splicing, and that greatly reduced my ends to weave in. I think spit splicing is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Which, by the way is one of the books I read last month, I'll have to tell you about that sometime too.

Non knitting craftiness!

Ha, yesterday I alluded to the return of political commentary and today I'm posting about crafts. Tricked ya didn't I? Whatever, it's my blog and I can do what I want to.

One of the bizarre things about Universities, especially large ones, is the ownership of stuff. Some stuff is purchased by the U, some stuff is purchased by individuals on grant money via the U, and the ownership rules get weird: the granting agency owns it and at the termination of the contract can ask for it back, although this is almost never enforced. Universities have systems to keep track of stuff, usually only the really expensive stuff, but sometimes all stuff. These systems are constantly changing, or are very inefficient at best. Bar codes and numbers should be scanned yearly, but what if no one knows where the item is, or it's out in the field, or it's moved, or the original faculty has left? Undergraduate workers sent to scan the tags will rarely track it down...so there is always stuff.

The stuff that tends to get lost the most: Office furniture. Buildings are renovated, faculty leave, offices are moved, etc. BUT, a U will never throw something out that could still have some value. Enter the wonder that is Surplus. Unwanted and unclaimed and outdated stuff goes to the magic place called surplus. It gets put in the hall, you call a phone number and it disappears...to the surplus, where is it either a) resold or given free to someone else in the U who wants it, or b) is available for sale to the public. Every university I've been associated with has the two versions, internal and external. Surplus stores are like thrift shops, populated with everything from old unused athletic uniforms to dining hall dishes to computer monitors to...office furniture, and public surplus stores have been decorating poor grad students apartments everywhere. If your looking for something a University might have once owned check out the public surplus store near you, they usually open once a month or so...

Occasionally, whole buildings and labs will be abandoned and before being reclaimed the poor graduate students end up cleaning it out, which of course gives them first dibs on the surplus destined stuff. This is exactly how I came to aquire this beauty (sorry for the blurry, I don't know what happened there):

A Do/More office task chair, I'm guessing circa 1950-60. (company still exists! www.domorelux.com)

The other bizarre thing about Universities, is that often, no one has consistant office furniture, so, depending on the current economic climate, a new faculty will make do with what's there, the surplus store, or spending start up funds. Personally, I salvaged a really cool l-desk setup that was destined for surplus, it's low to the ground desk, perfect for my short person. Chairs were another story, however. When I remembered the beauty above unearthed from the basement. Several hours, some old curtains and a can of spray paint later and voila:

I have the hippest chair in the building. Pretty comfy too. Just needs some new casters: I'm eying these, but they seem a bit pricey, any suggestions on where to get some neat ones for less dough?

voting time is here...

http://russelldad.tumblr.com/post/52678280/5-friends-vote

I'm not smart enough to figure out how to embed it in the blog right now. But it's an important message, so click and watch. I'd like to believe that everyone who reads this blog is already registered. (if not, you probably stopped reading during my political phase back in January), but send it on, get the word out. In some states, like mine, October 4 is not the registration deadline, but an actual day to vote, not for president, but for the other people of importance, and for congressional primaries. Every position that requires voting is important...you've heard that rant before.

Since my responsible primary voting, I've stayed away from political topics here. I figured my views were pretty clear and there really wasn't much else to say. That and I was happily living in a state whose electoral college has agreed with my candidate for all of my voting life, and there is no question that that record will stand during this election. (I was going to say all of history, but my quick internet search told me that during my youth the state supported the opposite party...this is shaking my world view a little so I'm going to move on).

Since the big move, I'm no longer safely ensconced in a "blue" state, but rather a currently considered red, but strongly voted for Clinton and looking at total history was more blue than red state. Besides the slight cultural shock that the move has brought to both myself and my uber-liberal husband, this means that my vote might actually matter here. Current polls indicate we are "likely McCain", which give my internal optimist a little hope. This turn of events has me rethinking my lack of political commentary, that and the whole Palin thing...

Anyways, check out www.270towin.com. You can change your state from blue to red or red to blue to undecided and see what effect the change would have on the election. They also have tidbits on each state and the historical data I mentioned above.

where to pick up?

This post may be quite rambling. You've been warned, if rambling writing offends you move on. Nothing to see here.

Well, it's been awhile, hasn't it. I have a very good excuse for my absence, actually make that excuses. ~1 week in the car getting here, ~1 week of no furniture/settling in once furniture did arrive, ~1 week of running around the new campus settling in, ~1 week of no power, ~3 weeks of a field trip with VERY limited internet access, ~1 week of recovery from all of the above and here we are. Holy crap, it's almost October!

I sat down with the intent of creating a crafty post, because in the midst of all that chaos, I did manage to do one crafty project that I'm quite proud of, and is quite blog worthy. After a little searching I did find the camera cable (moving sucks), and promptly discovered that there were ~100 pictures on my camera, only 5 of which were of the aforementioned craft project. Suddenly the last 6 weeks or so were right there in front of me and I remembered that there was alot of things to blog about.

The move, all in all, went fairly smoothly. There is something horribly emotional about moving, however smoothly it goes. In the span of those two weeks you face every emotion possible. Sadness about leaving, excitement about starting something new, guilt about the amount of stuff you own, anxiety about paying two mortgages, anger at the loss/breakage of something trivial, relief that everything fits (mostly) in the new place, etc. It's an emotional roller coaster that I would like to avoid riding anytime soon, making the sound of that tenure clock ticking even louder...

Despite all of that, there were a few moments of fun to look back on and laugh. Here is one of my favorites.

We had some fairly bad weather between here and there, one hail storm forced even forced us to pull over for a little while. The next day, we encountered this. A house. A whole HOUSE driving down the highway, in the rain. A house so wide that for several miles there was no way to pass it, the highway was too narrow and the house took up two full lanes, this picture was taken when the road widened up a bit and we were able to sneak by. A HOUSE. A WHOLE HOUSE! I've seen parts of houses before, but this wasn't a part of a house, it was the whole thing, it even had curtains in the windows. I think that it was bigger then the house we just left, and there it was driving down the highway. This was a few days into what was turning out to be a long drive, and the irony did not escape us. It actually occured to us that we had gone about moving all wrong, that we should have had them just take the house, clearly it's possible, and it would have solved so many of our stresses. I really wish there was a number on the side of the truck to call, but getting around it was a bit to heroing to be writing done any phone numbers.

In addition to reminding me of that moment of hilarity, I also found this on my camera:


I think it's the moon.

fly by check in

I'm alive and well. Busy as a bee in the field again. Back to regular posting in 2 weeks. Have many projects to show for the crafty and many stories to ponder for the life of a new assistant prof. Just thought I'd give a brief check in while I have the wonder of internet for a few more minutes :)

in the news update

Here is a better blog post about the real article and the actual science and the full implications. But I do have to say, the New York Times did a pretty good job of summing it up correctly for the public at large.

So none of you think I'm an irresponsible science girl: I do have intention of reading the real article, because fully trusting media snippets of scientific exploration is never a good idea, but I'm swamped with my own science right now, so it went on the TBR (to be read) pile, which to save paper is really a list in Zotero...oh yea, I still haven't blogged about that. Well I'll get to it, maybe after the move...

In the news

We all know that I rarely read the news. But I keep it on my google homepage anyways, just in case the urge strikes. (BTW: I'm one of the "test subjects" and I absolutely hate the new left navigation pane. Total waste of space, are you listening google? If so, MAKE IT GO AWAY).

But, tonight this little gem caught my eye. I don't have much to say the article says it all. I'm feeling the need to shout "I told you so" to someone, but there is no one in particular that comes to mind that needs to here it. Girls can do it, yes we can. Now all we have to do is address that stupid No Child Left Behind thing and get more girls to take physics and we're on our way to that good ole' equality.

I like that I can choose to only read good news.

Let's talk about knitting

I haven't been doing much of it lately. That's been a trend for the whole year really. I did have two projects that somehow managed to complete themselves, although at a pitifully slow pace.

So here we go: A Dragon Skin for Dara

I alluded to yarn purchased for a baby project awhile back. You'll notice the date on that post is May 8th. At that time it was known to all that the baby was going to be arriving on May 20th, which she did. I was deluded enough to think that in between my arrival home on May 9th (well really the 10th since a midnight landing doesn't really count as same day) and her arrival into the world on May 20th I would knit, block and seam the sweater. I had visions of visiting Mom and baby at the hospital and whipping out my beautifully executed baby sweater. I had the yarn, I had the pattern, I had the needles, what could go wrong.

10 days. Was I high? We'll just say jetlag was clouding my judgment. It turns out I'm not that fast of a knitter. I did finish the knitting itself in 20 days, pretty respectable for me. Then it took me another month to get off my butt and block it. Than another week or so to get of my butt and seam it, so finally here it is:

Pattern: Dragon Skin Wrap by Angela Hahn from the last Interweave Holiday issue.
Yarn: Debbie Bliss Prima purchased from Webs (I'm really going to miss being able to drive to Webs)
Needles: Size 6, Knitpicks Harmony (this was my first full project on these baby's and I was quite happy with them)
Size: 22 inches, 3-6 months, which is exactly how old Dara will be when it starts to cool down around here.

Notes: The printed magazine pattern chart is incorrect for the size 22" the ML on the Left front side should be a MR. I added the ties before I seamed it all up because I wanted them to block with the rest of the sweater. The SSE that is used is nice for the edging but a pain for the ties, if I were going to do it again I'd go with a regular I-cord. The yarn shed a little color in the blocking process, but a wet blocking did miracles for smoothing out the whole thing. This was a fun, quick knit with an adorable result. I went with the bright purple because it is perfect for the recipient, who is our little rock star.

Ok, I think that's it. I have another, boring-ish project all done as well, but I'm tired of typing so you'll see it some other time.

Progress vs Procrastination...

...it's a fine line.

Despite my love of what I do. Sometimes, it's hard to find the motivation to actually do it. I've found this to be the most difficult part of my post-doctoral experience. Because of my desire to be in a more permanant situation, I spent a large portion of my post-doc time applying for jobs, and subsequently interviewing. Because my major professor retired major, I spent a large portion of my post-doc managing field projects and advising the MS students he was still responsible for. Because of my desire for teaching experience, I spent a large portion of my post doc designing and teaching a class. Because I'm the only one in the department capable of running the equipment, I spent a large portion of my post-doc collecting more field data. Because I wanted to expand my horizons, and increase the chances of obtaining the aforementioned job, I spent a large part of my post-doc writing grants with new colleagues, and attending conferences to make connections.

While all of this has been mostly great. It has left little time for the original intent of the post-doc, which was an in depth analysis of data I had collected near the end of my PhD program, but wasn't in my dissertation. While I've always been excited about it, and it's what I want to be doing, it somehow always takes a backseat to all of the above mentioned responsibilities. Once I got the job, and the move was a reality, I decided that I was going to focus solely on this data, and submit at least one paper by the end of the summer. That resolve, while great in theory, is a bit difficult in reality. It's getting there, albeit slower than I would like. My life has been consumed by the logistics of moving, buying a house, tieing up the loose ends around here, etc. but the paper is still the thing I WANT to be working on, but somedays, my heart just isn't completely in it, which is evident by the fact that I have been derailed quite easily on every attempt to work on the project.

First, I wanted to print out the draft that I already had. That led to an hour to determine that the printer in my office didn't work with a mac. That led to the need to use my older office PC, which was crashed, and two days of working with tech support to get it to a point where data could be retrieved from it. Good to go right? Let's try that printing thing again. Oops, I've lost all of my flash drives so I didn't have a convenient method of transferring the file to the computer, which was now capable of printing it, and a half hour of online shopping later, the perfect flash drive at the perfect price is on it's way to me. It's really cute don't you think:


Let's see: computer fixed, new flash drive, knowledge that I won't purchase this printer for my new office: Progress or Procrastination?

So printing is clearly not getting me anywhere. Let's just tackle it in the computer. That goes well, for a while. It seems my MS Office 2004 doesn't like the equations that my co-author sent. At all. Apparently, I don't have equation editor installed, although I'm sure I used when I was away. I can't find the install disks (since we are in various states of packing/reorganization), and this is the latest in my inner hatred of Microsoft bubbling to the surface. Begin the massive computer reorganization and the search for a new word processing option. OpenOffice (X11 and mac native beta), NeoOffice, Pages, all downloaded and installed, and tried out. Right now I'm most happy with NeoOffice, because it read those equations correctly and was the easiest to get Zotero functioning in, but stay tuned because I tend to be fickle, and after all the paper isn't done yet.


There we go, I'm off and running a new software suite, that is not slowing my computer down, and not slowing the paper down either: Progress or Procrastination?

Enter Zotero. Once I was up an running and equation editing all happy like. I reached a point in the manuscript where I needed to insert a reference....on second thought, reference management software is a topic for another post and this one's pretty long already. I will leave you with the burning desire to learn more about Zotero. (Or you could just google it). I'm going to work on my paper. As soon as I have lunch.

What do I do?

Phew. I'm home, for as long as it's still my home, which is only a few more weeks. It seems however, that the house itself will be mine for awhile longer. Did you all know the economy was in the crapper? Apparently while I've been running all over the place and avoiding the news, the housing bubble burst. Making moving on short notice a rather stressful prospect. Oh well, what will be will be. Two mortgages, One salary, here we come!

Despite that minor issue, the new job thing is very exciting. I haven't figured out if it's my new University, or merely the fact that I'm now a faculty member, but the difference from my current post to the new one is like night and day. I have my own lab, a really nice one and my own office. Both are climate controlled, in a building with elevators, and ladies rooms on every floor. Right now my building has one ladies room for three floors and two temperatures: ice cold or boiling hot. Plus, they just gave me keys, I didn't have to sign away my first child or put down a deposit or anything, they just gave them to me! Being a grownup is pretty cool.

Creature comforts aside, I think the position is going to be great. During my interviews, this was the least favorite place, so I was a bit nervous about the job. I think it is mainly because the guy who dropped me off at the airport afterwards clearly did not like me, so I had a bad vibe after that. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to have a job, and I'm only of the luckiest gals around right now, but there were some nerves. Which were completely erased the minute we visited and the Associate Dean gave me a giant hug to welcome me. I think this place is going to be ok.

During the last few weeks, I have run across another public perception that clashes with the academic reality and I thought you would indulge me in musing about it. I have realized I do not know how to answer the question "So what will you be doing?"

Faculty positions are pretty standard across the globe, some of the details are different (how many classes you are expected to teach, number of committees, expectations of research dollars and grad student advising, etc.), but in general, it's a pretty standard gig. You teach, you research, you advise. What you teach, what you research and who you advise are pretty much (not always, but often) your choice. So, technically the answer is "whatever I want". It occurs to me this might be why the jobs are so hard to come by; that's a pretty sweet deal. It also is not a very satisfying answer to my non-academic friends.

It's not quite that simple. It's not whatever I want, it's what I'm qualified to do. Faculties hire people that have similar interests/expertise to what already exists or different ones if they are looking to broaden their impact. That choice is often dictated by ????? A lot of things I suppose, probably the direction the department wants to take. Questions like: Do they want to be the number 1 University in X discipline, Do they want to be a well respected well rounded program? What teaching expertise do they need to fill out the undergraduate curriculum? are discussed to death. Sometimes it's as simples as they cannot agree and just want the least offensive candidate. I think this is mostly the case, but on the heels of a job search I might be biased.

Anyways, here's where we get a little circular. I'm going to do what I'm qualified to do. I'm going to pursue my research interests. They are my interests because they are what I want to learn about. So I will being doing what I want to do. Hmm, that puts me back where we started, answering in a way that doesn't actually convey the life of a Faculty member.

Since I do environmental type research, people seem to assume that my new University must want me there to explore a particular aspect of the environment relative to their location. I get a lot of "do they have what you do there?". This is also not true. Science is a bit more general than that. My particular research expertise is not location specific. In fact, as you are all aware, my research field site is in New Mexico, which is not geographically similar to either my current location in the Northeast, or my new location of the deep south (a whole other topic to be musing on). This is not to say I won't pursue topics relevant to my new location, but it is not going to be required of me. Right now I have grants under consideration to work in two other states. The air is everywhere, where I am is irrelevant to understanding it.

"I'm going to teach" Now there is a promising answer. A simple, straightforward, verb for what I'm going to do. Most people understand that. Until it comes to "teach what?". My classes haven't been assigned yet, and the department is such that I will get to choose what I teach. I haven't decided yet what they will be, so that line of thought becomes a stumper too.

For now, I'm going with "What I do now, but permanent" (I've given up on explaining the tenure process). The lack of response to that answer is good usually a quick nod, or "ok". I guess, it must satisfy somehow, or maybe I should be concerned that there is a bigger problem: No one actually knows what I do, so they don't want to ask....

Summer Reading

All the plane time has given me a bit of time for some reading. Getting lost in a book has always been a favorite activity of mine and while I don't do it as often as I wish, I recently have put aside the knitting needles in favor of of good tale. Most recently, I read a really good one so I thought that I would share.

(click for book's webpage)

I've always been fascinated with Frank Lloyd Wright's architecture, and I'm a huge fan of historical fiction so this caught my eye. Fallingwater is one of the most beautiful and peaceful places I have ever visited. To me, he is one of the few people who successfully merged form and function and in doing so he appeals to my inner engineer and my crafty side. I also love historical fiction, so I picked this book up why wandering through the local bookstore in Boulder, which by the way, is a fabulous store if you're ever there: Boulder Books, it's on Pearl Street. I've been eating much to much fast food and I hate eating out sit down restaurants by myself, but I can accomplish that with a book in hand.

While I knew about his architecture, his legendary strive for perfection, and his art, I didn't know about his love or personal life. The book, is centered around his affair with Mamah Cheney, which is also quite legendary, and horribly tragic. More than the love, however, the book is about the woman herself, a woman I fell in love with. One of the blurbs on the back of the book says she is "everywomen" and I found that to be true. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating affairs, marriage vows are sacred and should be honored. But we do live in a social structure very different from Mamah's, not only do we now consider it acceptable for women to vote, but it is generally assumed that we are also allowed to choose our mates, and our careers, and a whole lot of other things. Anyways, I'm not going to get all uppity feminist on this one. Just go read the book, it's a good story.

In which things go AwREE and then get better again

I have this friend who is an avid reader, and one day he was late for something and he explained by saying everything went "awwwreee", we all looked at him funny until we realized he meant awry. He said he had read it in a book, and couldn't wait to use it! Now we always say "aw-ree" instead of "a-rye", one of those internal jokes that has spread and sometimes I'm worried I'm going to say it to someone whose not in on the joke....

Anyways, How's this for things gong awry:

In just over one week:
On the way to the airport for the trip to go look for a house we got into a car accident. My poor rabbit :(
Said accident caused us to miss our flight.
We managed to get another flight, to another city ~1hour from the original destination.
We go home, get the other car, drive to the airport, check-in go through security and realize that we no longer have the car keys. They cannot be found.
We do not find a house.
We fly halfway home, get to our connecting destination to find out the flight was canceled.
8 hours later, we are finally "home", with no keys.
3 hours and some quality nephew time later we are home for real.
10 hours later, my next flight takes off with me on it for another conference.
On conference excursion, the bus breaks down, and I sit on said bus for 1.5 hours with the only other native english speakers being the crazy tour guide and the bus driver.

There are so many funny blog posts that could have come out of this week that the summary is just going to have to do. Right now, I'm you guessed it, in an airport, with a flight home. I just received a phone call letting me know that our July field campaign is cancelled meaning I don't have to get on another plane for a whole two months!!!!!!!

There are not enough exclamation points to express that excitement. When things go awry they always realign, it just takes some time.

Phew what a week.

just checking in

I'm on the road again. Home for two days between a conference in Sweden and house hunting near the new University. Then two more weeks of conferences. Posting will be sporadic. But I'm alive. Jet-lagged but alive. :)

At an impass

I've had one of those "work" weeks that was just so bad it sucks everything out of you. I've been dwelling on a particular incident for a few days and I've been through all of the stages of emotions that come with the event: anger, exhaustion, denial, anger, and the process of rationalizing it. I wasn't going to blog about it. I was planning to do my best to just let it go, but then this morning I read this, which led me to this and this and the awful comments that followed it and I once again felt that I wasn't so alone and maybe my experience should be out there for the world to know.

First let me say something about the original article: I entirely agree with it. I have been facing this issue, and I've blogged about it before. Getting an academic job these days requires years of post docing and moving all over the place. The decision to do so is much more difficult for a women. I believe this is due to a factor outside of all the regular discrimination women feel in academia, but because of the fact that the post doc phase corresponds to the period in a woman's life when they are biologically forced to make the decision whether or not to have a a family. It is not that a career and a family are not compatible, it's that a one year post-doc is not a career and moving every year for another one and a family are not compatible. (Most post-docs don't come with vacation time, formalized sick leave, or maternity leave, so finding the time to actually give birth would be a small feat) For men, the decision is easier, they can sacrifice it all for there career, force the family to follow, or have kids with a younger women when they are 50+ years old. I'm not speaking of every man here, but all but one man in my department has chosen one of these options to get to where they are in there careers, the one who hasn't is in danger of not getting his tenure. Just my observations.

Anyways, as usual I digress. All that shit is there, in the background, for a woman, all the time. Which is why and incident of blatent discrimination is all that much worse. I have been working on a grant proposal with a colleague for over year. About six months ago, we decided that we needed some additional expertise and asked another colleague from another university to join us. We are very close to submittal and have reached the part were we are putting together our budgets, and reviewing the final draft. Colleague #2, put all of the measurement equipment necessary for my part of the project in his budget, also took all of my experimental design out of the proposal. When we asked what was going on, and requested that we split the equipment between the two universities, he said that he wouldn't trust me to do ANYTHING because I wasn't smart enough, that I shouldn't be a PI (but he was going to let that slide) and a I was just a student so he was senior and it was his decision. Colleague #1 and I were appalled. I was greatly offended. I had suspected for awhile that he felt this way about me because I was a woman, but I was doing my best to work with him, but in my mind this crossed a line.

I thought about it for awhile, let the emotion go away and got to a rational place, and wrote a professional email "to address his concerns", I explained I wasn't a student, outlined my experience, etc. I ended by saying I hoped we could move past this unfortunate incident and finish the proposal. He responded by saying I was wasting his time, he didn't know how the phone conversation became about "personal issues" and he didn't need a lecture from me. Essentially it was a vague and extremely qualified apology. Knowing I couldn't really expect anything better and going tit for tat is useless, I let it go. I said what I needed to say and I could sleep with myself. His behavior since has improved, although only slightly. There has been an unintended consequence, however. My advisor, who has been aware of all of this, has not spoken to me since. I suppose it's possible that in his mind I crossed a line by asserting myself, but I really can't speculate on his feelings, I just know that he is not happy with me.

The whole thing has really been weighing on my mind, and while I know that the situation is the best it can be under the circumstances, I'm still quite bothered by it. It seems to me that colleague #2 was content to keep my name on the grant, knowing that a female PI will increase the chances of funding (which is a whole other can of worms), but that in his mind, a female was unqualified to do anything, so it was in name only. I think he was operating under the assumption that everyone felt this way, and therefore was quite taken aback when we insisted that I was actually responsible for part of the project. So, essentially, until I said something, I was allowing myself to be used merely because of my sex. We have not nice words for that, and the idea of it makes my skin crawl.

So now I'm in a pickle, the silent treatment is clearly my punishment. But, for what? Standing up for myself? Demanding a minimum level of respect as a human being? What were my other options? Letting him bully me? Pulling out to make my point, hurting the chances of the third person involved and walking away from nearly a year of hard work? Continuing to work with someone who clearly shows me no respect for me and comprising my own moral compass? What is my option to make it better? A rock and hard place.

And we wonder why women leave academia.

Change of plans

You know in the Miss America pageant when they get down to the two finalists and it's time to announce the runner up, there is that awful tense moment when those two girls are just standing there and the mc is reading the whole thing about the responsibilities of the runner-up. "should Miss America in anyway be unable to fulfill her duties, then the runner up gets the crown, etc", then they announce the runner up, and she is neatly shuffled away for the crowning of the girl they didn't announce. I always felt bad for the girl, there you are, in the spotlight almost to your dream, and they call out your name because you are the loser. That you get the crown if she screws up is hardly a consolation. (particularly since it almost never happens). Anyways, in academics, the tenure track job is like that crown. It is what we work towards, but all of our energy towards, and being runner up is a small consolation.*

Not getting a tenure track position, but being good enough to interview for more than one is like standing in that circle. You are good enough to make the team, but not good enough to get off the bench (wow I'm just full of metaphors today). In any case it sucks, and it can make one feel a little lost. But, occasionally, for whatever reason, the superstars and the coaches can't agree and they call up those sitting on the bench.

I had the pleasure of receiving that phone call earlier this week: I have been offered a tenure track position! The negotiations of the first choice candidate did not meet success. I don't know why, maybe they took another job, maybe they couldn't convince their spouse to move to a new location, maybe they didn't think the salary was enough, there are lots of reasons, none of which reflect on the job, or relate to my situation, so I'm taking it. No hard feelings about being second. Turns out my time on the bench was really short compared to most so I can't complain too loudly, and getting called up, no matter what order you were in to start with (because the order is somewhat arbitrarily assigned anyways), is a really great feeling. A really really great feeling.

Until the realization that you actually have to play with the big boys, and oh yea move halfway across the country sets in, then it's terrifying.

*I once had a roommate who was a pageant queen, trust me on this, they work hard to look that good on TV.

Adding a little color to life

Today I did what any good knitter who feels a little down does. I went to the yarn store. Gasp! Yup, this is my first visit to a yarn store this year. THIS. YEAR. PEOPLE! I vowed to go on a yarn diet, with three exceptions to yarn purchasing. 1) The Webs tent sale, if I could get there. 2) Rhinebeck, if I could get there. 3) Purchases specifically for baby gifts to be made this year, I don't have much baby yarn in my stash, and people are getting prego left and right, so this was a must.

Now, I must come clean and admit the gods have conspired a bit to foil my year of destashing a bit. First, there was the unexpected win of a yarn club membership from Knitgrrl. That's a whole lot of yarn to be added to my stash, but not draining my pocketbook, and really how can a girl turn down free yarn. Free hand dyed yarn at that. Second, there was a tiny thing I forgot about, I joined the Neighborhood Fiber Co. Tour of DC Sock Club for three months, way back in November, so there were three more skeins of sock yarn coming my way. Third, I ordered some yarn for a baby project which you will be hearing about in a couple of days. Technically I have not violated any of my rules, but yet my stash grows. To be fair, however, ball for ball in and out it's about an even trade. So today, I slipped. Just a little.

I convinced myself it was ok because I really needed something soft to knit with on the plane tomorrow. (Yes, that is the plane home...finally). I've been knitting socks for hub with some trekking xxl, which is my favorite all time sock yarn, but it's a little rough on my very very very dry desert hands. I've also been working on Ellen's afghan, but I accidently put in the box of stuff I shipped home. Finally, I could work on the sleeve of hub's cobblestone, but the Skye Tweed is also a bit rough on the hands right now, but I digress. Soft yarn.

Well, it turns out that it my not just be the texture that sent me in search, but that army green, beige, and brown just aren't lifting my spirits enough. My soft yarn is 100% Alpaca from Lonesome Stone, color Hot Rod Red. Every reference I find to this yarn online says the skein should have ~665 yds, but mine says 340. The pictures aren't really doing it justice. It's bright and it's cheery and adds some much needed color to my world. Everything is brown here. The walls, the floors, the bedding, the sink, outside is the same, it hasn't rained all year, and I think the brown has really got me down. Well, the brown and other events of late. It was so cheery I had to cast on right away. The pattern is Lace Ribbon Scarf from knitty, on size 5s because that's what I had, and with less width because that's what I wanted. It makes me happy.

On that note, here is something else that makes me happy:

That's my suitcase, waiting for the clothes off my back so I can go home, for a solid four weeks. I have not stayed in one place for a solid four weeks yet this year, and my own bed, well that's just decadent.