Halfway there, or "I do still knit"

Just not that much. It's been kind of busy, and I've been away from home, so my craftiness has been on the back burner for awhile. Plus, my husband is not here and there is no TV here. Since I do most of my knitting a) on weekends while hub makes breakfast or b) in front of the tube, I have not been knitting as much.

Somehow (I think a couple or a dozen airplanes where involved) I did manage to make it halfway through my sock-knitting plans for the year. I never posted my goals for this year, but one of them included making and/or completing 6 pairs of socks. 1 pair for each of my loyal sock wearers (my sister, my mother, my husband and my husband's uncle), and 2 pairs for me. I've decided to be a little more selfish in my knitting. I enjoy it more and life is too short to not enjoy what you choose to do. Anyways, back to that first goal, the 12 socks. I am happy to announce that 6 are complete:

First up we have the nutkin socks, that I made from artyarns ultramerino4 color 111, purchased from pickup sticks. These are a bit behind on their blog reporting, as I finished them before I left on this trip, somewhere in the neighborhood of Feb 20th or so. Originally, I intended to keep these for myself, but working on them while hanging out with my sister negated all those thoughts immediately. She fell in love with the colors, they're really her colors anyways, and since she has worn the pair of jaywalkers I knit her in 06, just about every time I've seen her since then (even brought them to the hospital to have her baby) she got bumped to the top of the list. This pattern was fun to knit, it does bias a little as some on Rav have mentioned, but it doesn't seem to bother sis as they were on her feet the last time I saw her. She also hinted that she doesn't own enough hand-knitted socks, but I don't think I can increase my output rate to more than one pair per sock wearer a year.

Next, we have some bordello sea socks made from Fleece Artist Sea Wool, purchased from the same sale at pickup sticks. The color is woodland. This was my first time working with this fiber, and I like it, I like it a lot. I started these in January, finished the first the first week of February and left them at home for most of my trip. I picked them back up when I was home three weeks ago, and finished them on the plane back last week. I wore them twice while I was home, and I'm pretty happy with them. You may notice some ladders. I don't know how they got there. This is the first time I have ever experienced ladders when knitting in the round. At first I thought it was the plastic pony pearl needles I was using, as I am a die hard bamboo gal, but couldn't find bamboos in the right size. But, I saw some other folks on ravelry have ladders too, so I think it may be a side effect of the increases and decreases happening on the ends of the needles.

Finally, we have some so square socks from knitspot. These are for Hub's uncle, who holds the dubious distinction of being the only person who had ever requested knitting from me and had that request granted happily. If you ever met unc's you'd understand why I broke my not knitting on demand rule for him. He's not the kind of guy to ask for much, and the socks that I knit him for Xmas 05 are the only gift we have given him that he has ever made use of. When I say ever, I mean he has gifts still in the boxes circa the mid-eighties. So when he said the socks were wearing a little thin, I went yarn shopping. I finished them just in time for his birthday, which is today. I dropped them by the post office this morning and they will happily arrive in time for his birthday dinner this weekend. These socks also hold the distinction of seeing more places than anything else I've knit. These socks have been knit in 7 different states. Yup, 7. The knitspot pattern was good, but I did have to make a few alterations to make it work right for the 70 stitch size, which I will list in my ravelery notebook for those interested in the details.

Dear El Paso TSA,

While I'm sure you often receive complaints about luggage searches, I feel just the opposite. I owe your kind agent thanks.

1) Thank you very much for repacking and using the pouches provided in the suitcase to do so. Although I did have a moment of confusion when opening my suitcase, the organization was quite appreciated.

2) Don't loose any sleep over the crazy lady's luggage you searched today. It is not normal for me to pack only wool sweaters, file folders, paperback books, allergy medicine, a pair of dress shoes and a wooden tractor. My life is a little out of whack right now and I have life essentials (like pants, undergarments and toothpaste) in two homes on opposite sides of the country. I merely felt that since there is no longer any need for wool in you're climate I should bring them home. And well, about that tractor, my nephew is super cute, you'd buy him a wooden tractor too. Just be reassured that I am ok although my packing may indicate otherwise.

Thanks again for the repacking, it was very easy to find what I needed today.

Sincerely,
A

Walking away...

for a little while at least. Turns out it may be a good idea after all. When the frustration level reaches the point of fight or flight, the former is often followed by the latter. That about sums up my day. So much for stubborn me. I stood my ground, I made my point, in short I fought and now I'm flying.

I have added four days to my upcoming trip back to my home region. A few days in my own house to work on the papers and proposals that have been hanging over my head for months. A few days away from this cursed field project might be just what I need. Maybe it's what the project needs, maybe the equipment needs a break too. What I do know for sure is the whole project needs re-evaluation, which I've been saying from the start. I guess I finally just said it loud enough to get through because that is exactly what we are doing.

For my part, the respite is quite welcome.

Why I blog

This is why I blog.
Today was one of those days when I almost quit. Not more than 3 hours ago I was fighting back the tears stinging from an insult a "colleague" carelessly flung out over email and wondering why do I do this. This, of course, was not that bad of an insult, but the kind that gets under your skin anyways, makes the inner emotional girl want to lash back in unprofessional ways, and makes the intellectual girl face the ever present dilemma of how to walk that line between standing your ground as a professional and not seeming like a bitch. At the end of today, which involved fighting with 7 different FedEx agents, arguing the fundamental limitations of my data for the millionth time with another cranky professor (who I think needs a nickname because he may appear more often in the future) and hours of babysitting another ADD professor, finding myself in that place led me to several moments of wondering why I even try to walk the line. Why don't I just walk away?

I never walk away. Partly I'm stubborn. Partly, I've been chasing the dream for over a decade and walking away now would just leave emotional wreckage. Partly, I'm eternally an optimist and I know it will get better, in fact I know it will be great, I have faith. Partly, I feel an obligation: for every women who leaves the path, there are probably 10 who never start down it, and that burns me to the core. Partly, I'm over educated and under qualified and have no place to walk too.

Mostly, I derive great joy from what I actually do. It's just been awhile since I've gotten to truly do it, in my own way. I love that when you google me you get scholarly articles, contributions to science, small contributions, but ones I made. I love the thrill of chasing down data, the excitement of seeing it result in something new. I love watching the grad student I have with me experience that for the first time (even if this particular campaign has been a bit rocky hopefully I'm bearing the brunt of it so he can fall in love with science too). I love watching students gain the confidence they need to succeed. I love firing my laser. I love that I don't know where my science will take me, but knowing it can take me wherever I decide I want to go. I love watching the wind blow. I'm waxing poetic and getting of topic. (apologies to Renee and Brian, this blog must truly offend their inner english majors).

Long story short, I had a long conversation with my advisor, a little about how to respond appropriately, and a lot about science. I felt better, the spark was ignited again. But still I was wondering how many more battles did I have in me. Still I was alone. I was demoralized, debating with myself, fighting with myself, doubting myself and I was tired. And what pops up on my RSS feed? That post from FSP. I am not alone. There is light. I can find a way to succeed. I will figure it out, others have, and so can I.

This is why I blog. That post did wonders for me today. I learn new things from knitting blogs, I find inspiration in science blogs, I find humor in blogs, I find my friends in blogs. Blogs and the people behind them add richness to my life. An anonymous world of people typing into blogs the same as I do provide many things to many people all over the world. This is why I blog. Maybe something that comes from me can teach, inspire, cheer up, make someone feel less alone or do something else positive to someone somewhere.

7 in 7

And not the good kind that gets you tipsy. 7 flights in 7 days, two locations and a lot of can't get there from here made last week very busy. But the latter half of my trip was filled with life's greatest pleasures, and enough good energy to recharge any gal's spirits. Family and Friends: two departments in which I am truely blessed, and I'm not sure either group really knows how important they are to me.

Why all the flying this time? Interviews. The last two of the season. I am very happy to not have to tell anyone how wonderful I am anymore. I am thrilled to move past focusing all my energy on the job hunt and actually do some real science for awhile. I've been refraining from really discussing the academic interview process on the blog, but the more I think about it the more I want to talk about it. The good and the bad.

The academic job hunt is a unique process that takes ~ 1 year to complete, the process itself will most likely be the topic of another post, but the interview, a key component to the process it the part that has taken over the last several months of my life so it's what I'll talk about today.

Academic interviews are not like any other interview process I know of. They are a unique beast all unto themselves, and although the process can vary slightly from institution to institution, I have now done 7 in total, so I feel that I can comment about the process in good faith. The interview itself can last anywhere between 1.5 and 2 full days, often depending on the travel schedule of the candidate, if you get a later flight, they'll grill you longer. These days often last a full 12 hours. On one occasion I was picked up at the hotel for breakfast at 7am and dropped off post-dinner at 9:30pm. This was the most extreme case, but 12 hours should be expected. Every meal is part of the interview. You are never not interviewing. I even know one guy who was followed into the men's room and questioned while he was taking care of business. Mark one down in the column of pluses for females being a minority in science: I was allowed to pee in silence.

The funny thing about this very long process is that the amount of information you give out, probably only fills the space of 2 or 3 hours. Every person you meet with asks the same questions, by the end of day two you are a skipping record, "I would like to teach X at Y level, and teach a graduate course in Z", "initially I will seek funding from source A because my current research topics are in their funding priority list, but I plan to expand to sources B and C by taking my research...blah blah blah". You will answer the same question at least 6 times over the course of each day, unfortunately to at least 6 different people. Advice to any academics out there who may be in the position to plan an interview: group sessions are more effective, give those candidates a break, answering "what would you like to teach?" a dozen times is a waste of time. I know academics are busy and all, but seriously, it's easier on everyone. The funny thing is, everyone knows how exhausting it is, and the canned questions are interspersed with: "how are you holding up?", "are you tired yet?" and "I know we've packed you're schedule, but..."

I think it's really an endurance test, He/she who is perkiest at the end wins.

But, alas, I make it sound awful, and it's not all bad. Other than the exhaustion, it's really quite fun. You meet other people, who may be potential collaborators, and future colleagues, hear fresh perspectives on your research and in general get to really share what you love about your work, which is greatly amusing. Plus you get to learn about a new University, a new town, a new culture, and there is plenty of good stuff that goes with it. If it works out right it can be just as exhilarating as it is exhausting. I guess that's kind of the truth for anything in life that's worth doing.