Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Rediscovering my roots
I've fallen in love again. I feel a bit like I'm cheating, but I just can't help it. Please don't tell on me, I know my knitting will be sad, I've taken up with my crochet hook. We've run off together for a little tryst. But don't worry, it's only a fling, when I run out of yarn I will return....
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
WIP Wednesday
Sadly I have no pictures to post today, so I'm going to infect your brains with something else. I'm making the Whale Watch Hat from New England Knits with some yarn that I had purchased to test out as sweater yarn for a hub's next sweater (likely you'll hear that story next week). In any case, it's super cute and I just finished the second row of whales. But every time I work on it this just keeps running through my head:
Ahh good memories. Hope you enjoy it!
Ahh good memories. Hope you enjoy it!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
the biggest lie - part 2
I feel a little bit like I should apologize for that last post. It was...well....a bit angry. But, then when I think about that I get even angrier. Because the second part of the big lie is this: people make you feel like somehow it's your fault. Sure they express some sympathy, often coupled with some mumbled words of encouragement. But it's more then readily obvious that what they are really thinking...and likely what you are all really thinking is either a) this crazy ass-b**^$h clearly made some really bad choices, I'll nod and smile, but really she dug this hole for herself - that could never happen to me. or b) why is she whining so much at least she's the one who choose to move, really it's her fault.
Well world, stop lying to yourself. This could happen to you too. It was not our fault. In fact we were guilty of nothing more than bad timing. Actually there is a whole cohort of people who just happen to have bad timing. That's not our fault. We made the best decisions that we could. Based on this huge lie. A lie so big that most of the world holds it as truth - as I once did. The simple sad fact is this: we will never have it as good as we were raised to believe we would. We won't retire when we thought we would. We won't be able to send our kids to college like we thought we would. In fact, we might not even be able to afford kids at all. Straight-up we just got screwed. A whole damn generation of us. If you are part of my generation and you didn't get screwed, it's time to wake up and realize that you are just lucky. One different decision, one different perfectly rational viable choice and you could be me. It's just dumb luck, that's all. Dumb luck that I thought that maybe I would try to contribute to the world by teaching the next generation - so that they could find jobs.
And when it comes down to it that's what's really eating me. That universal belief that the lie perpetuates and the world or people I meet project right back at me: That I've done something wrong. Or if you believe in Karma or fate or whatever I must have brought this upon myself. Well I'll admit that I'm not a saint, but I'm certainly not the devil either. And if I get another life - man I'm going to whoop it up and make every bad, irresponsible choice I can think of, because it certainly doesn't seem to make a difference to keep making the rational ones.
So here it is:
Dear World,
I know that we all live with our choices, and I live with mine everyday. I don't regret them and 90% of you would have made the same ones in my shoes. Yes, I chose to become a professor and I knew that would require me to move. Yes, I chose to move again, because the financial nightmare of owning two houses is actually preferable to the horrid sexual harassment and all around just crappy treatment I received at my old job. I know what I've done to myself. Sometimes I get a little b*(%chy about it and for that I apologize. But just shut the hell up because I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
Thanks,
Dr. Rini
P.S. Just so you don't think I've lost my sparkling personality entirely - mostly I'm just all out of anything good on this particular issue - I leave you with this fantastic link found via ashpags on pinterest today. I'm trying to track down a way to buy it for my office - cause you know I teach all about air being "something".
Well world, stop lying to yourself. This could happen to you too. It was not our fault. In fact we were guilty of nothing more than bad timing. Actually there is a whole cohort of people who just happen to have bad timing. That's not our fault. We made the best decisions that we could. Based on this huge lie. A lie so big that most of the world holds it as truth - as I once did. The simple sad fact is this: we will never have it as good as we were raised to believe we would. We won't retire when we thought we would. We won't be able to send our kids to college like we thought we would. In fact, we might not even be able to afford kids at all. Straight-up we just got screwed. A whole damn generation of us. If you are part of my generation and you didn't get screwed, it's time to wake up and realize that you are just lucky. One different decision, one different perfectly rational viable choice and you could be me. It's just dumb luck, that's all. Dumb luck that I thought that maybe I would try to contribute to the world by teaching the next generation - so that they could find jobs.
And when it comes down to it that's what's really eating me. That universal belief that the lie perpetuates and the world or people I meet project right back at me: That I've done something wrong. Or if you believe in Karma or fate or whatever I must have brought this upon myself. Well I'll admit that I'm not a saint, but I'm certainly not the devil either. And if I get another life - man I'm going to whoop it up and make every bad, irresponsible choice I can think of, because it certainly doesn't seem to make a difference to keep making the rational ones.
So here it is:
Dear World,
I know that we all live with our choices, and I live with mine everyday. I don't regret them and 90% of you would have made the same ones in my shoes. Yes, I chose to become a professor and I knew that would require me to move. Yes, I chose to move again, because the financial nightmare of owning two houses is actually preferable to the horrid sexual harassment and all around just crappy treatment I received at my old job. I know what I've done to myself. Sometimes I get a little b*(%chy about it and for that I apologize. But just shut the hell up because I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
Thanks,
Dr. Rini
P.S. Just so you don't think I've lost my sparkling personality entirely - mostly I'm just all out of anything good on this particular issue - I leave you with this fantastic link found via ashpags on pinterest today. I'm trying to track down a way to buy it for my office - cause you know I teach all about air being "something".
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The biggest lie
I've decided that the biggest lie that has ever been told to me is this:
"Real estate is always a good investment - you are building equity - rent is just throwing money out the door"
If you say this to someone, or something similar you are a Big. Fat. LIAR. Even if you believe this to be true - or by some miracle it was true for you - it is a LIE.
7 years ago we ventured into the realm of homeownership under this seriously misguided notion. The rent was going up, we were less and less happy with our landlords, interest rates were low, housing prices were reasonable. The conventional wisdom was that with 20% down you needed to stay in a home for ~3 years to balance it out and we were planning to stay in the area for at least 4 more years so it all made sense. I calculated it all out, we looked at a lot of houses and finally we went to the bank and gave them everything we had (and some we didn't) for the down-payment on a cute, little bungalow. Yea! - We were grownups! - Living the American dream. And if I'm going to be completely honest I loved that house - loved everything about it - it's old house quirks and tiny spaces - it was our home and it felt great to know that every penny I had saved during my working life was safely over our heads.
That is what you do. This is what we condition people to believe they are supposed to do. You by a "starter home" and "start" your life. "Real estate is always a good investment - you're building equity and not just giving you money away to some landlord"
5 years later, two PhDs in hand, we had to move, and we put our house on the market. About 30 nanoseconds later the news broke that there was a "global financial crisis" created by some a-holes somewhere. Turns out real estate was not a good investment - prices were down - way down. But we were so stupid that we just kept believing the lies the world kept feeding to us. Over the next 9 months we heard it all:
"starter homes are keeping their value" - LIE.
"small homes are still selling" - LIE
"it's picking up this month" - LIE
And so, still being brainwashed by that mantra "rent is a waste - your building equity" and believing the lies, we did what was quite possibly the stupidest thing ever and bought another house. The house we were going to live in forever - I was going to get tenure - we were going to have a baby - it had a spare bedroom for people to come visit. We were making this move in good faith and thought that we were on our way. It seemed important on many levels to have a real home - rent was more than the mortgage payment unless we wanted to live in a ghetto and the people at the bank gladly gave us the mortgage - "oh you're small house will sell soon - that part of the market is doing fine - you have so much equity in it that it's no problem"
Six months in, two mortgage payments became a burden, and this was turning out to be a giant disaster. These were the worst times of my life. The stress was unbelievable and somehow people just kept telling us this was our fault. Our fault - we did what we were supposed to do - we had 20% down - we made all of our payments - we weren't flipflopped - but if you were having housing trouble somehow you were part of the problem and not just a victim. Turns out the world really does love to lie to you.
Finally, we threw in the towel and reluctantly became landlords - we kept "building more equity" - in both our homes. Since we were still just starting out, equity in our multiple houses was really all we had, savings were quite limited and we were contending with that damn two-body thing so they weren't growing at any rate to speak of. But it was ok, we were building equity in real estate! I was optimistic that it would all work out. We were just investing our money someplace else, some people invest in stocks and bonds and mutual funds. We were investing in real estate (reluctantly) but "real estate is always a good investment", "real estate is how all the rich people got rich" LIES! LIES! LIES! They are all lies.
So here we are - 6.5 years after buying our first home. We own two houses - we don't live in either of them - in fact we are living in someone else's house -essentially we are squatters. We are two people who are addressed as Doctor on a regular basis and we don't even have a home of our own.
For most of you this is not really news, so why am I bitching about it. Well, our renters are leaving, so we're putting the first house back on the market and trying to find a renter for the second house and to be honest, I am officially out of optimism. I'm no longer beleiving the lies, and you shouldn't either. Real estate is not a good investment - we were not building equity - and I've run the numbers - 6 years of rent just about equals what we stand to lose by selling our two homes at "fair" market value. That is if we can find someone to offer us "fair" market value. If we took the last offer we would lose even more because it was so low we wouldn't even be able to pay of the mortgage - it would cost us MORE money. Building equity my butt. Yup you read that right. I would have more money in the bank if I had just "thrown it all away" to rent.
Many of my older acquaintances have said - well that just the way it is - cut your loses and run. Which is likely what we'll end up doing. That, however, is a very hard thing to swallow. I know that everyone is losing money - investments are shrinking - retirements are being delayed. But here's the thing - we made our "start" by giving it all we had. We're not talking about losing some money on paper - or retiring a year later - or not taking a vacation. We're talking about losing everything we have. We'll be better off then some, I know that and I'm grateful. We'll find another roof to put over our heads - likely an apartment smaller than the one we started off in years ago - We'll put food on the table - and we'll start all over and save every penny so that in a year or two - in our mid-30s we can buy another starter home. Maybe. Right now the only benefit I see to home ownership is that you can paint the walls - so I'm not so sure I want to do it again.
But one thing is for sure - I'll never ever again believe that "real estate is always a good investment - that we're building equity or that rent is just throwing away money".
Maybe our luck will change - maybe in 6 months I'll be doing what I'd like to be doing and settling into a home - a home were we can think about having a kid and living our life and growing old. But for now all of those things are on hold. So, I think the whole world should do the next generation a favor and JUST STOP LYING. I know I not singing that song anymore.
I don't regret my choices, I made them in good faith and I believed at the time that I was making the right ones. I'm just hoping that someday I'll no longer be haunted by them.
ETA: I almost forgot the best part - a few weeks ago it looked like we were going to have renters in both houses - so just out of curiousity we called a bank to see what the possibility of getting a third mortgage would be given the other two essentially become investments. The kind lady told us they would approve us for a loan up to. Wait for it.
$400,000. That, my friends, is more then we paid for the other two houses - combined?! A loan of that value - the purchase price would be higher. So all that BS you hear about no one giving mortgages and that's killing the housing market...it's a lie too.
"Real estate is always a good investment - you are building equity - rent is just throwing money out the door"
If you say this to someone, or something similar you are a Big. Fat. LIAR. Even if you believe this to be true - or by some miracle it was true for you - it is a LIE.
7 years ago we ventured into the realm of homeownership under this seriously misguided notion. The rent was going up, we were less and less happy with our landlords, interest rates were low, housing prices were reasonable. The conventional wisdom was that with 20% down you needed to stay in a home for ~3 years to balance it out and we were planning to stay in the area for at least 4 more years so it all made sense. I calculated it all out, we looked at a lot of houses and finally we went to the bank and gave them everything we had (and some we didn't) for the down-payment on a cute, little bungalow. Yea! - We were grownups! - Living the American dream. And if I'm going to be completely honest I loved that house - loved everything about it - it's old house quirks and tiny spaces - it was our home and it felt great to know that every penny I had saved during my working life was safely over our heads.
That is what you do. This is what we condition people to believe they are supposed to do. You by a "starter home" and "start" your life. "Real estate is always a good investment - you're building equity and not just giving you money away to some landlord"
5 years later, two PhDs in hand, we had to move, and we put our house on the market. About 30 nanoseconds later the news broke that there was a "global financial crisis" created by some a-holes somewhere. Turns out real estate was not a good investment - prices were down - way down. But we were so stupid that we just kept believing the lies the world kept feeding to us. Over the next 9 months we heard it all:
"starter homes are keeping their value" - LIE.
"small homes are still selling" - LIE
"it's picking up this month" - LIE
And so, still being brainwashed by that mantra "rent is a waste - your building equity" and believing the lies, we did what was quite possibly the stupidest thing ever and bought another house. The house we were going to live in forever - I was going to get tenure - we were going to have a baby - it had a spare bedroom for people to come visit. We were making this move in good faith and thought that we were on our way. It seemed important on many levels to have a real home - rent was more than the mortgage payment unless we wanted to live in a ghetto and the people at the bank gladly gave us the mortgage - "oh you're small house will sell soon - that part of the market is doing fine - you have so much equity in it that it's no problem"
Six months in, two mortgage payments became a burden, and this was turning out to be a giant disaster. These were the worst times of my life. The stress was unbelievable and somehow people just kept telling us this was our fault. Our fault - we did what we were supposed to do - we had 20% down - we made all of our payments - we weren't flipflopped - but if you were having housing trouble somehow you were part of the problem and not just a victim. Turns out the world really does love to lie to you.
Finally, we threw in the towel and reluctantly became landlords - we kept "building more equity" - in both our homes. Since we were still just starting out, equity in our multiple houses was really all we had, savings were quite limited and we were contending with that damn two-body thing so they weren't growing at any rate to speak of. But it was ok, we were building equity in real estate! I was optimistic that it would all work out. We were just investing our money someplace else, some people invest in stocks and bonds and mutual funds. We were investing in real estate (reluctantly) but "real estate is always a good investment", "real estate is how all the rich people got rich" LIES! LIES! LIES! They are all lies.
So here we are - 6.5 years after buying our first home. We own two houses - we don't live in either of them - in fact we are living in someone else's house -essentially we are squatters. We are two people who are addressed as Doctor on a regular basis and we don't even have a home of our own.
For most of you this is not really news, so why am I bitching about it. Well, our renters are leaving, so we're putting the first house back on the market and trying to find a renter for the second house and to be honest, I am officially out of optimism. I'm no longer beleiving the lies, and you shouldn't either. Real estate is not a good investment - we were not building equity - and I've run the numbers - 6 years of rent just about equals what we stand to lose by selling our two homes at "fair" market value. That is if we can find someone to offer us "fair" market value. If we took the last offer we would lose even more because it was so low we wouldn't even be able to pay of the mortgage - it would cost us MORE money. Building equity my butt. Yup you read that right. I would have more money in the bank if I had just "thrown it all away" to rent.
Many of my older acquaintances have said - well that just the way it is - cut your loses and run. Which is likely what we'll end up doing. That, however, is a very hard thing to swallow. I know that everyone is losing money - investments are shrinking - retirements are being delayed. But here's the thing - we made our "start" by giving it all we had. We're not talking about losing some money on paper - or retiring a year later - or not taking a vacation. We're talking about losing everything we have. We'll be better off then some, I know that and I'm grateful. We'll find another roof to put over our heads - likely an apartment smaller than the one we started off in years ago - We'll put food on the table - and we'll start all over and save every penny so that in a year or two - in our mid-30s we can buy another starter home. Maybe. Right now the only benefit I see to home ownership is that you can paint the walls - so I'm not so sure I want to do it again.
But one thing is for sure - I'll never ever again believe that "real estate is always a good investment - that we're building equity or that rent is just throwing away money".
Maybe our luck will change - maybe in 6 months I'll be doing what I'd like to be doing and settling into a home - a home were we can think about having a kid and living our life and growing old. But for now all of those things are on hold. So, I think the whole world should do the next generation a favor and JUST STOP LYING. I know I not singing that song anymore.
I don't regret my choices, I made them in good faith and I believed at the time that I was making the right ones. I'm just hoping that someday I'll no longer be haunted by them.
ETA: I almost forgot the best part - a few weeks ago it looked like we were going to have renters in both houses - so just out of curiousity we called a bank to see what the possibility of getting a third mortgage would be given the other two essentially become investments. The kind lady told us they would approve us for a loan up to. Wait for it.
$400,000. That, my friends, is more then we paid for the other two houses - combined?! A loan of that value - the purchase price would be higher. So all that BS you hear about no one giving mortgages and that's killing the housing market...it's a lie too.
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