The two-body problem: Part 10 - The aftermath

If you know me, you know I like round numbers, and 10 just sits better than me than 9...

I'll start with the punchline first: Hub and I are happily ensconced at NU (New University) and we are flourishing.  We've made friends. Work is great. We are living in a ginormous house, which we are not paying for.  Life is generally good. 

The road from there to here, however, was a bit bumpy. For a while now, I had been thinking that an "aftermath" post was appropriate to finish out the series.  The other day I wrote a very long, detailed post about what happened after we officially decided to leave.  It turns out, however, that it is completely impossible for me to write about the experience in anyway that doesn't sound bitter.  Even simple sentence structure, straight to the point facts, come out well, angry.  I sat and stared at that post for a while but just couldn't bring myself to hit publish.  There is good stuff in there, stuff someone could learn from, but I just don't want you all thinking that I'm a mean person.  I think the other problem is that the truth is so bad that by publishing it I feel like I'm betraying those at the FU (former university)* who actually were decent human beings.

 The thing is, I'm not really bitter, or angry, maybe a touch, because I have a right to be after the mess.  But putting it down makes me sound petty, and I'm not petty.

Here's the short story: It was late February, the new jobs didn't start until August.  I was still teaching at FU and had other professional obligations. In those 5 months. I tried my best to make the transition as easy on everyone as possible.  The administration had other ideas.  There were lies, unprofessional actions, and questionable ethics. I visited the ombudsperson.  I considered consulting an attorney.  Eventually, we reached a reasonable solution, but I had to play dirty to get it. Well not really "dirty", but there were some moments where I had to get a bit feisty and tell it like it was.  People don't really expect that from a 5'2" quiet girl, but push me hard enough and I'll always fight for what I know is right. 

My "colleagues" who had only previously only pretended to be polite stopped pretending at all.  Most of them I found unbearable when they were pretending; you can imagine what is was like when they stopped censoring themselves.  Other colleagues that I had considered friends turned against me, and got mean (I think that was the hardest part).  Some were good, but the bad far surpassed the good.

In the end, I finished out the semester. I kept my door closed at all times except my office hours. My students knew the situation and had no trouble knocking and then announcing themselves to be sure I'd open up for them.  The day after graduation we packed up the car and drove out of town.  I spent the summer home with my family and in the field.  I haven't looked back since.

I really like this to be an educational post, with some great nuggets of advice for some other young faculty who may be considering leaving a TT position.  But, the reality is it was a crappy experience.  I had a fairly good relationship (or so I thought) with my colleagues before deciding to leave.  I had a really good - nearly bullet proof - reason for leaving. An unemployed husband. I mean seriously, what rational human being could argue with that? I went out of my way to keep (most) of the professional reasons to myself.  Yet still,  I was treated badly. Borderline illegal badly.  If it was a contentious situation to begin with, I would imagine the transition period would have been even worse. But, the optimist in me would like to think that my experience was an anomaly; that most faculties are normal, rational human beings (despite much evidence to the contrary)


So I guess the question is: Would I do it over again?  ABSOLUTELY!  It was a crappy few months, I'm not going to lie about that, but in my mind it was short term pain for long term gain.  My life situation now is so much better it is not even a fair comparison.  So here is the wisdom from one who has gone before: if you know it your gut your situation is a bad one, there is a better one out there.  The TT doesn't have to suck.  Ironically, that's just about the same thing my friend-lleague who had moved mid-TT told me when I first considered applying!  She was right; maybe I should send her some yarn :)


* Sorry I just couldn't resist.  If we can't laugh a little what the heck is the point?